stella87 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I would like to write out the details of my relationship so you guys can fully understand it and give me some sort of feedback because I am going absolutely crazy. My ex and I have been talking since we were 17, we would always keep in touch and sometimes lose touch for months at a time, finally I gave in and starting dating him Oct 2009 and we had a good relationship and it was like a dream come true for both of us because we finally ended up with each other. The first few months I would always start the fights (dont ask me why) I would lash out because of my insecurity and over the past 15 months that we were together I would break up with him over the most petty reasons, almost once a week we would break up, we never had one solid week where we didn't argue or fight, and this was all of my fault because I was insecure, and just unhappy with myself and appearance, or I would take my anger towards others out on him, etc. Last Sunday I was being petty once again and I broke up with him because Im currently going through a bad injury and I will be on bed rest for awhile so I told him upfront that we should take a break because Im probably going to be a miserable and unpleasant person to speak to and that I wont be able to go see him at his house because thats the only place we get to hang out, as my house is not available. (Let me remind you that every time I broke up with him for stupid reasons he would tell me that one day I would regret it and to stop doing what I did) The next day we met up for dinner, he paid, and we went shopping after and had a great time and I cried to him about how I am so upset about my injury and I have so many bills to take care of but I will be out of work and he said, once he gets some extra cash he will be more than willing to help me. We ended the night and kissed a lot and went home. We even spoke about taking things slow again and he called me on his drive home and told me how much of a great time he had and wants to do it again. During the week he also wrote cute things on my Facebook wall etc and we even watched a romance movie together on Netflix via video chat. The rest of the week was very up and down and we got into another huge argument on Thursday and **** really hit the fan, on Friday I contacted him and said I will be going over to his house to pick up some money he owed me and my sweater, however I was hoping to reconcile. I get there and realize he doesnt want to reconcile and start sobbing hysterically and beg for him to give me another chance and for us to work it out one last time and that I have realized everything that I have done and I push people away and lash out. He said absolutely not I will not give you a chance. I did what I now know not to do and was on my knees begging for forgiveness and a chance but he said no and kept yelling for me to leave his house, at one point he was like, you better leave or else Im going to do something that I'm going to regret (call the cops). I finally left with no pride and texted him after and asked if he would see or hook up with other people and he said, no i dont think I am ready for that, I need time and space away from the relationship to focus on school and figure out what I want. The next day I broke my NC rule and I called him and apologized and said I realized my mistreatment towards him and I was ashamed at the person I had become and I was definitely not the girl he first fell for. He said he appreciated it and we talked for a bit more and I started crying hysterically and started asking more questions about our relationship and he got furious and hung up on me. Last night I did my snooping and I figured out through my Netflix and online phone logs that he has been calling and texting another girl the whole weekend. They have been texting all day everyday since our break on Friday. He told me he needed space and time to figure things out, but hes now hanging with another girl already and texting her? The awful part is that he began texting her a day before he even told me he wanted space and time for himself. I cannot figure out if this is a rebound or if hes actually moving on because during out break up talk he said that he still loves me but we just havent been getting along. I also asked him if we were done forever and he said "I doubt it, I dont know, just stop asking questions" Prior to all of this he was the most caring and affectionate guy, he would tell me how much he loved me and how beautiful I was on a daily basis and do sweet things for me, of course we hit a plateau for awhile and he didnt do such things anymore but thats with all relationships. He also told me on numerous occasions that he wants to marry me and that I am his soul mate and best friend in the world and if nothing worked out for us in the future he would at least want to be a friend to me. However, through time with my constant lashing out on him he finally took up my bad habits and wouldn't even be able to have a conversation with me with out it turning into yelling and anger. Once I saw that phone logs to the other girl last night I called his cousin and asked if he had said anything to him about our break up and his cousin said no, however when I checked his phone logs again his cousin and him had a 15 minute convo, therefore, he definitely knows that I know about the new girl. I also texted my ex last night and asked him if we can meet so I can give him some stuff that I have of his, and he was very vague and cold in response and I never responded to the last message he sent. I have decided NC, until he contacts me, or if he ever does...? I do want him back really bad because I know we can be happy once again, I also have started seeing a clinical therapist to fight my demons inside and lash out my insecurities so I can ultimately be a better person for myself. But Im still unsure of what to do since he has already starting seeing someone else...but throughout the 5 years we talked before dating, he would always somehow come back and contact me..which gives me some sort of hope. Please help!
gator12 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 First off welcome to the site, and I'm sorry for your loss. Youre relationship sounds a lot like mine and my ex's from the point of view of fights. I ended up starting a lot of stupid fights and eventually my ex an I broke up. That was about 2 1/2 months ago. Talked to her for a month and finally went on no contact for the last month and a half. Soon enough, 4 days ago she starts texting. I don't respon. Email. I don't respond. Phone calls with voice mail I don't respond. Which is the right thing to do. I was planning on calling her back in a few days but she called me from an unknown number and I was off guard and basically feel like I've lost any progress I made towards getting her back. Moral of the story My advice you, strict No Contact. Read both of the guides in my signature they are very helpful. And if/when your ex start to contact you which he will (guys hate to be ignored, we like attention, not as much as women but our heads go to all the wrong conclusions). You need to then continue to ignore him until he is at the point of leaving you voicemails. When you get to that point then all of the power will be in your hands essntially, and he will be exactly where you are right now in the power dynamic. If you get to that point don't mess it up like I did, keep your guard up, and make sure you're the one who calls back. And when you do call back, it's a short 2 minute call emphasizing how busy you are. To keep your mind off of your ex. Take up a hobby you havent had time too, read a book, start running. Anything really. And any time you feel weak, like you want to break no contact, write in a journal. Write everything you want to tell your ex in a journal. That way he never knows how you really feel. He needs to think you are not sitting there in your room depressed over him, if he does he will know that he still has the power and you will be put on the back burner essentially. NC isn't guranteed to get him back, but whether it works or not, you will be bettered from it. It's better to get some distance from the relationship and really think about thinks without all of your emotions clouding them. The fact is abscense does to love what air does to a fire, it blows out the weak and emblazes the strong. Stay strong, Gator
Author stella87 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Hi Gator! THank you so much for reading through my long post and responding and for the awesome feedback. I really do hope he realizes what he has lost, but do you think the new girl he is seeing is a rebound girl or someone he's sincerely interested in?? Thats the one thing that boggles my mind, they talk nonstop all day...
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