Woggle Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I understand very much but I also understand that my wife is a saint for being as patient as she has been. I told her on a couple occasions that if she wanted to run for her life I would understand.
Author Crazy Magnet Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 My BF has never been through a truly horrific relationship, nor has he ever lost anyone through death. No parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle. No one. He doesn't really have a lot of patience when I hit the brick wall of life. It's not because he doesn't care, it's because he simply doesn't understand where it comes from. But yeah, there are days I'd take off running and screaming away from myself. :lmao:
yah Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 If I recall correctly, you're #1 concern is kids and being able to have them all very soon. (Disregard this if I'm mistaken.) If that's the case, I'd move out, tell him he has X amount of time, keep dating as you normally would, and see what happens when the time approaches. Ultimatums usually do not end well but, at the same time, biological clocks do tick. I only say this because I know a girl who has been dating the same guy for 10 years, she wants the same thing you do, and she's late 30s now.
zengirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 No, rather because, unlike the OP's boyfriend, I'm a romantic person who believes in showing actions of commitment to a lady I profess to love and have sex with. Nothing more and nothing less. You'll note that my advice is running counter to the male advice here and I'm also much older than those giving it. That's instructive. Their advice perhaps is more applicable to those of their generation. Most of my friends are happily married old farts One of my good male friends (25) just proposed to his gal by spelling out will-you-marry-me with her favorite kind of cupcakes (he baked them all---at least a hundred, likely more) spelling it out across the dining room table. Men can still be romantic and propose. Though I suspect those men aren't generally on LS as much as the unhappy men. I don't think you're a dying breed yet, carhill.
Woggle Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 One of my good male friends (25) just proposed to his gal by spelling out will-you-marry-me with her favorite kind of cupcakes (he baked them all---at least a hundred, likely more) spelling it out across the dining room table. Men can still be romantic and propose. Though I suspect those men aren't generally on LS as much as the unhappy men. I don't think you're a dying breed yet, carhill. I truly hope his marriage lasts. Sadly it seems that romantic men like him get screwed the worst.
SmileFace Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 One of my good male friends (25) just proposed to his gal by spelling out will-you-marry-me with her favorite kind of cupcakes (he baked them all---at least a hundred, likely more) spelling it out across the dining room table. Men can still be romantic and propose. Though I suspect those men aren't generally on LS as much as the unhappy men. I don't think you're a dying breed yet, carhill. Omg, I hope she said yes. If a guy ever did that for me I think I will cry for days. That is WOW
oaks Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 One of my good male friends (25) just proposed to his gal by spelling out will-you-marry-me with her favorite kind of cupcakes (he baked them all---at least a hundred, likely more) spelling it out across the dining room table. I hope she said 'yes' because that's the catering done for the engagement party.
zengirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Oh, she totally said yes. (Sorry to hijack the thread.) I didn't realize it wasn't evident from my post. They're both very happy.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Oh, she totally said yes. (Sorry to hijack the thread.) I didn't realize it wasn't evident from my post. They're both very happy. I don't believe in marriage but if a guy'd done that for me I guess I wouldn't say no to an engagement ring. As for C_M, I'm very concerned about your bf's " uncertainty". He sounds really wishy- washy about everything, be it the ring or marriage in general, it just seems he has much more fun thinking about doing things than actually doing them. Like when he suggested engagement to get you to move in with him, he said it, but he hadn't done it. In the meantime, you're the one being given false hope. If you have to move out, do so. If children are on your mind in the coming two years, thinking about your needs do seem to be the no.1 priority right now.
Star Gazer Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Apparently people keep missing the part where I DON'T ACTUALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED, HE DOES. If he knows you don't want to get married, why on earth would he ask you to marry him??
sumdude Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) I re-read the OP. Where is the nagging? Disclaimer: I dressed up in a Santa suit to propose to my wife. Perhaps the OP should discount my advice Nice one! I wasn't quite as festive. Top of a lighthouse, man I was afraid I'd drop the ring down that giant spiral staircase. Crazy Magnet, I get where you're coming from. Having lost all the older generation in the last couple years it puts things in a different perspective. Only one other friend of mine has been through it, the rest don't get it. You know what you want, at some point you'll run out of patience or he'll come around. Nothing wrong with some boundaries when you might find what you want if you're free again. Edited February 2, 2011 by sumdude
sweetjasmine Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 If he knows you don't want to get married, why on earth would he ask you to marry him?? From what I understood, she wants a life partnership with children, and he doesn't want those things without marriage, so he asked her to compromise and consider getting married again. Now he's "unsure" about whether he wants to spend his life with her, with or without marriage.
Eeyore79 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 One of my good male friends (25) just proposed to his gal by spelling out will-you-marry-me with her favorite kind of cupcakes (he baked them all---at least a hundred, likely more) spelling it out across the dining room table. Men can still be romantic and propose. Wow, I would be totally overwhelmed if someone did something like that for me! I've been proposed to twice, and both times the guy just raised it in casual conversation, like we're watching tv and he says "Maybe we should get married, whaddya think?" Not exactly a grand romantic gesture which showed me the guy wanted to spend the rest of his life with me - and then he wondered why I wasn't enthusiastic and excited!
Author Crazy Magnet Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Nice one! I wasn't quite as festive. Top of a lighthouse, man I was afraid I'd drop the ring down that giant spiral staircase. Crazy Magnet, I get where you're coming from. Having lost all the older generation in the last couple years it puts things in a different perspective. Only one other friend of mine has been through it, the rest don't get it. You know what you want, at some point you'll run out of patience or he'll come around. Nothing wrong with some boundaries when you might find what you want if you're free again. I find this is pretty normal for my generation. At 31 many people still have grandparents and parents for sure. Then there's me and I have neither. It's weird to be left alone at such a young age but there's nothing I can do to change it. And yes, not having any other blood connections around really makes me want a family (kids) all that much more. People don't realize how important that is to feel connected to life. Or at least it's very important for me. From what I understood, she wants a life partnership with children, and he doesn't want those things without marriage, so he asked her to compromise and consider getting married again. Now he's "unsure" about whether he wants to spend his life with her, with or without marriage. Yep, that's exactly it. I was willing to compromise as long as I had some family around to see it. I'm not really willing to do that anymore. Not that it matters since he's suddenly waffling anyway. We had a long talk last night. I can't really sit around living together pretending everything is ok when it's not. He finally articulated what is making him unsure. Why it took him so long to bring it up I have no idea. He even admitted that he's been keeping it in. Even if the relationship can be fixed we still have to work out the whole marriage thing again since everything is different now. He said he would be willing to stay in a life partnership but then stated that's not what he wants. IDK if this is one of those moments where you love someone enough to let them go find what they want or what. We have a date night tonight so I guess I'll see how things go.
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