Gossamer Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 depplover, it sounds like you did right by yourself to be honest and firm with him. You are not holding onto your wounds, and not onto him, and that's a great sign. I predict you will be attracting a man/men who has/have invested a lot more in his/their own personal growth. Or who will just be a lot more fun as a "transitional object". ;-) depplover, do you feel ready to date soon or now that you have been experiencing healthy closure? /Goss Just leave them be. I am glad I said the things I did and for me it was a form of closure, I got everything off my chest. I have realised this last month how much I love him and because I love him I have released him in my head to go and be happy. I'm quite surprised by my attitude.
Author depplover_1980 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Well funnily enough I hit rock bottom on Friday over the split, then Saturday I woke up and decided i'd had enough and went on the dating site and one guy stood out. So we emailed and exchanged phone number Sunday night and yesterday we spent the whole day having text sex, i've been ill today and he's rang me this evening - he seems great and is a good looker too! So i'll go out with him next week when we're both free. I've been forced to move on so I am - this life is too precious to spend it moping around, I did that for far too long in my twenties.
JasonRules Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Well funnily enough I hit rock bottom on Friday over the split, then Saturday I woke up and decided i'd had enough and went on the dating site and one guy stood out. So we emailed and exchanged phone number Sunday night and yesterday we spent the whole day having text sex, i've been ill today and he's rang me this evening - he seems great and is a good looker too! So i'll go out with him next week when we're both free. I've been forced to move on so I am - this life is too precious to spend it moping around, I did that for far too long in my twenties. Never invest too much emotionally in someone that's not on the same page as you. Also, have a little pride when it comes to this kind of stuff. I'm not saying be emotionally void, but tell yourself "No, I will not let you hurt me or get me down".
0hpenelope Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I've been forced to move on so I am - this life is too precious to spend it moping around, I did that for far too long in my twenties. And another awesome one-liner from depp. Thanks so much for sharing your personal experiences here! I want that for myself, too - a man in my life or not - I just want to live a happy life!
JasonRules Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 And another awesome one-liner from depp. Thanks so much for sharing your personal experiences here! I want that for myself, too - a man in my life or not - I just want to live a happy life! You can never make another person happy, if you aren't happy with your life first
0hpenelope Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 You can never make another person happy, if you aren't happy with your life first Yes, that is true!
Whatshername Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) OMG I had plans to go to Fl this weekend w oldest daughter to my sisters. She is snow birding at a mini resort in FL. Well, the daughter has a job interview and can't go. Now, I am balking about going, bc it's a long drive alone, and really was really looking forward to time w/my daughter & family. My sister can be a selfish Biotch, although her hubby is a gem. I find myself thinking about going to the ex's house....showing up and daydreaming about possible scenarios. I told my best friend I need to invent something. A little electric shock giver, that gives us a small jolt, each time we do or think of the no-no's we program into it. Whaddaya think? lol I can SO justify everything I let my hurting heart dream up. I have $300 or so of his coin collection I never returned, bc I was selling things for him on EBay last fall, and stopped for the holidays, but forgot about them. I know he would rather me keep them than ask for or mention them, money is nothing to him, but there they are................. I thought.....show up, say, well, I am off for the long weekend, and traveling and was headed through here, thought I'd return these. I never heard from you after I wrote the letter............ Really, am I nuts? Would I really leave and not want to make up with another no apology stint. What if he could possibly be seeing HER? I doubt it. Someone please hit me. My friend told me NOT to go. Not Not Not. But, I don't want to go to my sisters and deal with her selfishness, even though I was looking fwd to it earlier, w/my daughter. I would love to go away, alone, but where? Any ideas? Then my sister would be mad, my daughter would question me........part of me says I could get a room, go to the beach/go out/have fun, dance, party. But there is part that is scared/hurt, and knows I'd just be running and none of that would make anything better, and I might end up in a hotel in tears. My best friend can't go and now I am off FIVE days and to go to him is SOOOOOOOOOO tempting. Sure I am horny as well..............lol and well, you know, but I know that is not a good reason. Depp..........his mom was divorced, then remarried a soldier and was going to Germany. He did not want to go, so he went to live w his dad. his dad was a drunk. A soldier, but he said it was the most void 2 yrs of his life. His dad also got overseas orders and so he wen to live w his grandmother. He wanted to go back to his mom, but his dad refused to let him. No details, bt his grandmother was cold, heartless, loveless woman. He knocked up the first girl he slept with, joined the Army and had 2 w her and divorced her when she left him. he said she was homesick, bc he was gone a lot. I am thinking he never showed her affection/attention and even though he said she was dumber than a box of rocks, with love she'd have more than she ever had and would have stayed w her man and kids. So, he probably resents his mom and ALL women for this, disrespects them. She was not there for him and should not have so easily let him go back to his dad when she knew it was bad there. So basically, all of his formative years, teens...he was on his own. No one to really care, to help him, to give, to guide, to nurture, to depend on. My ex husband had a very similar upbringing. Bad step-fathers, had to buy his own school clothes, not allowed to play sports bc he was made to work. Parents remarried when he was 15, only to party w him. So..........see why I would think a wonderfully giving loving woman could be good for him, to love him unconditionally, to give, give give. Sigh Surely he can see that I am good for him. I love him/hate what he did, am angry at him, miss him all at once! Edited February 15, 2011 by Whatshername
Author depplover_1980 Posted February 16, 2011 Author Posted February 16, 2011 Becky, you should still go to your sisters after all you were looking forward to it and her husband is good company too. You don't have to spend the whole time in her presence but take yourself on a few days out, go people watching and give yourself some time, space and inspriration for this crossroads you're currently reached. Also this is what being single is all about. Learning new ways to fill your time, meeting new people along the way, being open to different experiences and predominantly learning to love your own presence. You can't run back to your ex the first time being single proves challenging. Stop looking for excuses to go and see him. The reality will be worlds away from the fantasy and deep down you know it.
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