SmileFace Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) So I caved yesterday and send a text to this guy I was dating. The dating site we met on thought it was hilarious to list us as top matches , even though we both had new profiles. So I sent him a text because it was funny to me. Anyway after the formalities he writes "So you want to come over and mess around" ? I told him no and that I was insulted he even asked. He said sorry. Anyway my caving and his bull is not the point of this thread. I just want to know why would anyone intentionally put them selves though that type of emotional distress. I am only referring to me but I will never sleep with someone just for the heck of sleeping with them if I know I have some kind of feelings for them. Sigh, he must really think low of me if he think I would ever sleep with him again. I mean if an ex came back into your life - you know the sex is good - would you sleep with them just to get your rocks off? Knowing they is a chance that you will get emotionally involved. Pleae I don't think this is a female thing. I am pretty much capable of having F.B but I am not stupid enough to have a FWB. If that makes sense. It makes no sense to me. Edited February 1, 2011 by SmileFace
depplover_1980 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Sorry no sense to me!!! Poor you, I get the feeling you're confused.
Author SmileFace Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) Sorry no sense to me!!! Poor you, I get the feeling you're confused. Sorry it doesn't make sense. This is what I get for making a thread while I am in the middle of making a webpage. Yes I do believe I am confused. All I am really asking is a) Would someone have sex with someone they have feelings ,knowing it is only ever going to be sex? b) Why would someone do this? That is the main part of the thread. Sorry I am not good at getting a point across. I only added my story in , since it seem relevant to the thread. Edited February 1, 2011 by SmileFace
radiodarcy Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) I mean if an ex came back into your life - you know the sex is good - would you sleep with them just to get your rocks off? Knowing they is a chance that you will get emotionally involved. NO WAY! and i was involved in a fwb situation for two years. i developed feelings early on but he didn't feel the same way. it was torture. but he was my first love so i just (stupidly) stayed until he cut me loose. he's contacted me a few times since but i'm not going down that road again. it hurts way to much to have sex with someone knowing they don't feel the same way. i can't do meaningless sex. any pleasure i would get from it would be trumped by how lousy i feel afterwards as i watch him pull up his pants and walk out the door b) Why would someone do this? why someone would do this - - i have no idea. selfish reasons perhaps. but i honestly don't know since i've only had it done to me. i've never done it to anyone else. in my case with the guy i was with, he had major commitment issues. he couldn't make up his mind as to whether he wanted to or not. and never with me - - he would talk about wanting to go to a dating website to find his match (ouch!). i think i was just something to do in the meantime... sorry if that sounds crude - - but it's the truth and i know it - -even if he won't admit it... Edited February 1, 2011 by radiodarcy missed second part of the question
depplover_1980 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Well I recently broke up with someone who I had a long distance FWB that turned into a relationship. He then backed off from it and long story short I have walked away from any agreement. But in a months time or so I'll happily have sex with him from time to time. Why because the sex is a 10. I just need a short time cold turkey and then reapproach the situation, but then I am a master of emotional resilience!!
Author SmileFace Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 NO WAY! and i was involved in a fwb situation for two years. i developed feelings early on but he didn't feel the same way. it was torture. but he was my first love so i just (stupidly) stayed until he cut me loose. he's contacted me a few times since but i'm not going down that road again. it hurts way to much to have sex with someone knowing they don't feel the same way. i can't do meaningless sex. any pleasure i would get from it would be trumped by how lousy i feel afterwards as i watch him pull up his pants and walk out the door b) Why would someone do this? why someone would do this - - i have no idea. selfish reasons perhaps. but i honestly don't know since i've only had it done to me. i've never done it to anyone else. in my case with the guy i was with, he had major commitment issues. he couldn't make up his mind as to whether he wanted to or not. and never with me - - he would talk about wanting to go to a dating website to find his match (ouch!). i think i was just something to do in the meantime... sorry if that sounds crude - - but it's the truth and i know it - -even if he won't admit it... Double ouch! I understand someone not wanting to be in a relationship and having casual sex. It just seems so wrong to have sex with someone knowing they have feelings for you and you may be leading them on. Yet people only do onto to people what they allow them to do. So no one is right in this situation. One is leading one on but the other is letting themselves be lead on. Yet, I am not opposed to meaningless sex. I think it just depends on the person for me then. Thanks for replying sorry you had to deal with that.:-)
Author SmileFace Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 Well I recently broke up with someone who I had a long distance FWB that turned into a relationship. He then backed off from it and long story short I have walked away from any agreement. But in a months time or so I'll happily have sex with him from time to time. Why because the sex is a 10. I just need a short time cold turkey and then reapproach the situation, but then I am a master of emotional resilience!! Your situation is different ,since it did end up in a relationship. But why risk the chance of wanting someone more when you can't have them like that. Yet, you said you are a master of emotional resilence, so I would have to believe you . :-)
depplover_1980 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 This whole thread has made me question whether I've done the right thing with my situation. Keep looking forward, eyes ahead...
Truane71 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Personally, if I still had feelings for a person, it would be difficult for me to seperate the two (sex and feelings), but if I was at the point where I no longer had feelings for them like that, then I sure wouldn't mind taking a trip down memory lane in that manner. For me, I much prefer sex with feelings to meaningless sex, but I wouldn't say i'm opposed to meaningless sex.
rauno Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I think sex without feelings is mostly for men. Womens seem to be so different about that..
depplover_1980 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Your situation is different ,since it did end up in a relationship. But why risk the chance of wanting someone more when you can't have them like that. Yet, you said you are a master of emotional resilence, so I would have to believe you . :-) Yes there is part of me that thinks I could handle a FWB situation with him you see, but there was also part that thought 'this man needs to make a decision about me' and I walked. The decision needed making however as we'd been back and forth over a couple of weeks - him asking what terms I would like to see him on, me shooting some over and then him stating his terms. It is all very business deal when it comes to the FWB thing, he changes to protect himself and becomes very cold and then so do I too in response.
radiodarcy Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) Double ouch! I understand someone not wanting to be in a relationship and having casual sex. It just seems so wrong to have sex with someone knowing they have feelings for you and you may be leading them on. Yet people only do onto to people what they allow them to do. So no one is right in this situation. One is leading one on but the other is letting themselves be lead on. Yet, I am not opposed to meaningless sex. I think it just depends on the person for me then. Thanks for replying sorry you had to deal with that.:-) thanks smileface. you're right - - i'm equally at fault for allowing myself to be put through that. i'm a late bloomer and at 33- - had never done anything with anyone up until that point. we had been friends for years - - i thought i could trust him not to hurt me. but he did. what's more he would get offended when i accused him of leading me on - - turns out i wasn't the only girl he did this too. anyway, i've learned my lesson. probably too well - - it's very hard for me to feel that i can trust anyone again. i live in an area where the female to male ratio is extremely high and the men here are incredibly fickle - - because they can afford to be. lots of them don't want to settle down because why should they when there's so much room to play? and while i refuse to be played - - the whole scene is very frustrating and depressing. i've pretty much given up on dating. i'm happier staying at home with my dog and cats Edited February 1, 2011 by radiodarcy
Author SmileFace Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 Personally, if I still had feelings for a person, it would be difficult for me to seperate the two (sex and feelings), but if I was at the point where I no longer had feelings for them like that, then I sure wouldn't mind taking a trip down memory lane in that manner. For me, I much prefer sex with feelings to meaningless sex, but I wouldn't say i'm opposed to meaningless sex. This! If I can't see the clear line between my feelings and xXxFEELINGSxXx for a person I will not have sex with them.It is each just sex or making love. I will not have me making love and him having sex - it just won't cut it . Sex with emotions is the bees knees! I mean I could take a trip down memory lane in this situation with out me getting hurt - believe me I would. But I rather mediocre meaningless sex than excellent emotional depriving sex any day , lol. Thanks for replying
Author SmileFace Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 Yes there is part of me that thinks I could handle a FWB situation with him you see, but there was also part that thought 'this man needs to make a decision about me' and I walked. The decision needed making however as we'd been back and forth over a couple of weeks - him asking what terms I would like to see him on, me shooting some over and then him stating his terms. It is all very business deal when it comes to the FWB thing, he changes to protect himself and becomes very cold and then so do I too in response. This is a problem to me. You shouldn't see FWB as a pre-lude to a relationship. This is why people get hurt. He shoudn't be making a decision about you. Yet I may be jumping the gun since you guys were in a relationship. So that is different but I hope it works out , sorry.
depplover_1980 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 This is a problem to me. You shouldn't see FWB as a pre-lude to a relationship. This is why people get hurt. He shoudn't be making a decision about you. Yet I may be jumping the gun since you guys were in a relationship. So that is different but I hope it works out , sorry. Oh crikey, I entered into it for the fun but we developed it into a relationship but he has real intimacy issues. Funnily enough he just text me seeing if we could revert back to friends. Can't quite let me go, so I am ignoring him, either that or saying no to the friendship and goodbye. What do you reckon?
Nexus One Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 All I am really asking is a) Would someone have sex with someone they have feelings ,knowing it is only ever going to be sex? b) Why would someone do this? a) There are people that choose to do it that and people that choose not to do it. The people that don't, generally do it to (emotionally) protect themselves. b1) To feed the desire to be one with a/the person they love, regardless of any further consequences. Because you might live only once and might therefor get such a chance only once in all of eternity. b2) Or you might just be driven by your hornyness. b3) Or you let your mind go blank and don't try to think about the consequences. b4) Or you think: Ah just f*ck everything and everybody, let's dance! I can't judge anyone for whatever decision they take regarding this. It is what it is, I can't make anything else out of it.
Author SmileFace Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 b3) Or you let your mind go blank and don't try to think about the consequences. . One Word : ABSTINTHE lol kidding
Nexus One Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 One Word : ABSTINTHE lol kidding Alcohol as a reason is actually a good answer. I'd say that would be answer #b5.
Author SmileFace Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Oh crikey, I entered into it for the fun but we developed it into a relationship but he has real intimacy issues. Funnily enough he just text me seeing if we could revert back to friends. Can't quite let me go, so I am ignoring him, either that or saying no to the friendship and goodbye. What do you reckon? I reckon you walk away. Well since you said reckon, I think you should strap on some ol' blue jeans and ride away , way away? Do you think it will really be a friendship? What exactly does his "friendship" entail? How long do you really want to play this game with him?
zengirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 People are masochistic all the time. This is just one more way. I think you did the right thing, SmileFace. A response to be proud of, for sure. (Not because I'm against people having sex, whenever they want to, but because it seems healthy for you.)
Nexus One Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 People are masochistic all the time. This is just one more way. And that would be reason #b6. Some people like the way it hurts.
Author SmileFace Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 People are masochistic all the time. This is just one more way. I think you did the right thing, SmileFace. A response to be proud of, for sure. (Not because I'm against people having sex, whenever they want to, but because it seems healthy for you.) Yeah and I feel much better after telling him no. I had a horrid time getting over him and for some reason - I convinced myself to write him yesterday. I shouldn't have but I did . You know what is weird ? I think I am completely over him. It is healthy for me . :-)
Author SmileFace Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 And that would be reason #b6. Some people like the way it hurts. #b6 should have bullets emotionallyphysically
Questionis Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 a) Would someone have sex with someone they have feelings ,knowing it is only ever going to be sex? b) Why would someone do this? a) yes they would but they should be aware it one of the fastest ways to trash self confidence and self worth. Its like injecting yourself with novocaine then hitting yourself with a hammer. All good till the drug wears off, then all you have left is the pain you inflicted on yourself. b) I like to think its because they don't know any better are not truly aware of their options, they think that's the best they can do, ever.Also people sometimes need to do something once, to see for themselves how it feels.
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