Yellowbug Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 So, saw and spoke to my ex after NC for over 1 year. We were at a work function. He approached me at the event and said, "Hello." I responded back with a, "Hello & congratulations on your new job." We had small talk about business for a few minutes, and then he reached up and removed a small, white thread from my sweater. He said, "Sorry, you had a thread on your shoulder and it was bothering me." He then reached out for a hug and I responded. After that, they had to go into a meeting. My boss and I left, and I proceeded home. I received a text from him after saying, "Are you still here?" I wrote back and said, "No, at home. How was the meeting?" He said, "Good, but it was nice to see and talk to you finally. Have a good day, and see ya around." What does all of this mean? I'm wondering if he still has feelings, over it, or was he just being nice? (Note: A few months ago I received word that he was bad-mouthing me to his friends) So, how can he bad mouth a few months ago, then be nice to my face???? I broke it off with him to improve both of our lives.
Author Yellowbug Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 do you still have feelings for him? I will always have feelings for him, but I broke it off because we were not moving forward and things were going in circles . . . Had I not cut the cord, then we would still be going in circles . . . He cheated in the very beginning, we tried to work through the trust issues for 3 years, I gave him all I had, and it just didn't get better.
andrew23 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Very difficult to tell from your experience if there are still feelings from his side. - I wouldn't read too much into the thread removal.. just a caring move. If you have been NC for over a year perhaps you are both in a position to start over although I would say: once a cheater always a cheater!!!
Author Yellowbug Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 Very difficult to tell from your experience if there are still feelings from his side. - I wouldn't read too much into the thread removal.. just a caring move. If you have been NC for over a year perhaps you are both in a position to start over although I would say: once a cheater always a cheater!!! I agree . . . difficult to read . . . Thanks for your feedback . . . It was always my ultimate goal for us to be able to be cordial had we run into each other. I was confused when he was nice because of the bad-mouthing I had heard from friends. I guess I expected him to just ignore, but I'm glad we were able to be friendly. I always wanted the best for him and myself.
Truane71 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I think he does still have feelings. I've read a few books on getting back together and one move in EVERY one of them is where when talking to your ex, you initiate physical contact. Almost all of them gave the example of what he did with your sweater. Him texting you afterwards showed he wanted to still talk to you. As far as him badmouthing you, sometimes dumpees say things off-handed to help them cope, to knock you off the proverbial pedistal they have put you on mentally. It doesn't always reflect how they actually feel. I think if you have feelings for him still, maybe you should ask him to catch up sometime. 1 year post-BU, you don't have much to lose. n Go for it, if you want to. Just my 2 cents.
Author Yellowbug Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 I think he does still have feelings. I've read a few books on getting back together and one move in EVERY one of them is where when talking to your ex, you initiate physical contact. Almost all of them gave the example of what he did with your sweater. Him texting you afterwards showed he wanted to still talk to you. As far as him badmouthing you, sometimes dumpees say things off-handed to help them cope, to knock you off the proverbial pedistal they have put you on mentally. It doesn't always reflect how they actually feel. I think if you have feelings for him still, maybe you should ask him to catch up sometime. 1 year post-BU, you don't have much to lose. n Go for it, if you want to. Just my 2 cents. Good feedback . . . Thank you . . . I think I'm going to leave it alone for now . . . We will see each other from time to time for work, so I know that letting things happen is best for now . . .
andrew23 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Were you guys fully NC for the entire 14 months? He never tried to contact you at all?
Author Yellowbug Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Were you guys fully NC for the entire 14 months? He never tried to contact you at all? Okay, let me remember all . . . Okay, so stopped answering the phone after a stupid conversation in Mid-November 2009 . . . After that call, I hit rock bottom and I just knew that I did NOT want to speak anymore . . . I was done . . . Then he called and called and texted and I did NOT respond . . . 1 week later I wrote a straight forward, unemotional letter saying to move on with his life and that I could not support myself, him, work, etc without repayment (not speaking about money) . . . He did not respond to the letter until January 1 2010 where he stated Happy New Year, and that he had read my letter over and over, but wished we could have talked about it . . . All I responded was, "Thank you for the holiday wishes, and have a good 2010." No contact after that message. That was it.
Truane71 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 So do you want to get back together with him or are you just hoping to remain as friends and be able to be friendly with him?
I have no title Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 So, saw and spoke to my ex after NC for over 1 year. We were at a work function. He approached me at the event and said, "Hello." I responded back with a, "Hello & congratulations on your new job." We had small talk about business for a few minutes, and then he reached up and removed a small, white thread from my sweater. He said, "Sorry, you had a thread on your shoulder and it was bothering me." He then reached out for a hug and I responded. After that, they had to go into a meeting. My boss and I left, and I proceeded home. I received a text from him after saying, "Are you still here?" I wrote back and said, "No, at home. How was the meeting?" He said, "Good, but it was nice to see and talk to you finally. Have a good day, and see ya around." What does all of this mean? I'm wondering if he still has feelings, over it, or was he just being nice? (Note: A few months ago I received word that he was bad-mouthing me to his friends) So, how can he bad mouth a few months ago, then be nice to my face???? I broke it off with him to improve both of our lives. I think he was just being polite, and even a little playing on your feelings. Maybe he feels that you still have feelings for him and he tries to play on that. Its hard to judge because it was just a 5 min conversation you had with him, so he didnt manage to say anything substantial that would make you think that he still has feelings. But the bad-mouthing and the fact that he didnt invite you anywhere for a walk or dinner or a talk on another day in another atmosphere means that he is not really interested in seeing you or talking to you. Therefore I think he was just being polite.
Author Yellowbug Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 So do you want to get back together with him or are you just hoping to remain as friends and be able to be friendly with him? I would only want to be friendly with him . . . You are probably asking, "Well, if you are over it, then why are you so concerned about the run-in and what he was thinking?" Well, I am an extrememly intuitive person and I like to understand behavior. I want to know WHY people do the things they do based on what they are thinking . . . I know it sounds like a dead-end street, but by learning the why behind the why it can make us a little more educated about how to communicate and act with people. This situation is new for me. Now, I can figure things out with my friends on the drop of a dime. I have seen them make HUGE mistakes with friends and lovers, and they always seem to come to me for advise. The ex and I will probably never be friends . . . We were not friends prior to us dating . . . It was very fast and probably based on a large amount of chemistry. Chemistry does NOT = the right one. It helps, but cannot be the driving force.
TheThinker Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I would only want to be friendly with him . . . You are probably asking, "Well, if you are over it, then why are you so concerned about the run-in and what he was thinking?" Well, I am an extrememly intuitive person and I like to understand behavior. I want to know WHY people do the things they do based on what they are thinking . . . I know it sounds like a dead-end street, but by learning the why behind the why it can make us a little more educated about how to communicate and act with people. This situation is new for me. Now, I can figure things out with my friends on the drop of a dime. I have seen them make HUGE mistakes with friends and lovers, and they always seem to come to me for advise. The ex and I will probably never be friends . . . We were not friends prior to us dating . . . It was very fast and probably based on a large amount of chemistry. Chemistry does NOT = the right one. It helps, but cannot be the driving force. It sounds like you are setting yourself up for a fall ... it sounds like you have moved on, it sounds like he has probably moved on but why put yourself through the wringer of the emotions that may surface over this, solely to understand his behavioural techniques. The ex and I will probably never be friends I think this proves my point - you dont feel that you will be friends. Dont solely think about yourself in this situation, if he does have feelings for you then you will only be playing with his emotions, whilst potentially stirring up a bunch of feelings of what could have been etc in your own head. You have said yourself you broke the relationship off to improve both of your lives.
willpower Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 What happened means nothing, unless your pretty immature or left on really bad terms then when you meet after time apart theres always going to be some familiarity between you. Does he still like you? It could be yes or no, there is nothing from the interaction that you had to suggest anything other than 1. He's mature enough to speak to you in an adult way. 2. He still feels enough comfort with you to act the way he did. Beyond that who knows, he could be dating his 10 and the most happy he has been or he could be yearning for you every night. If you want to know, call him and have a chat. My ex of 4 months called me "dear" the other day. It was a complete slip of the tongue and she quickly corrected herself when she did it. We were never freinds, only lovers and hence when we bump into each other there is a familiarity and comfort that is unusual once the relationship has expired. It means nothing.
Author Yellowbug Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 What happened means nothing, unless your pretty immature or left on really bad terms then when you meet after time apart theres always going to be some familiarity between you. Does he still like you? It could be yes or no, there is nothing from the interaction that you had to suggest anything other than 1. He's mature enough to speak to you in an adult way. 2. He still feels enough comfort with you to act the way he did. Beyond that who knows, he could be dating his 10 and the most happy he has been or he could be yearning for you every night. If you want to know, call him and have a chat. My ex of 4 months called me "dear" the other day. It was a complete slip of the tongue and she quickly corrected herself when she did it. We were never freinds, only lovers and hence when we bump into each other there is a familiarity and comfort that is unusual once the relationship has expired. It means nothing. I gotcha and I understand . . . Makes sense, and I was trying to get my head around the bad-mouthing versus the "mature" encounter . . . I guess I was not expecting it, so I posted here because I was confused . . . I'm done analyzing it because it means nothing . . . On we go:)
sammyd Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Well done you! I think to go backwards would be the wrong thing, but it's nice to know you can be civil when you do bump into each other:). Onwards and upwards!
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