somedude81 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 One thing that I'd like to point out; all the women who are saying that they like quiet men are really saying that they like good looking men with nice bodies, who may be quiet. Women aren't attracted to average guys that are shy/quiet. 29 years experience.
Eeyore79 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Think of it from a historical perspective. An unpopular man would have less access to resources for raising a child, whereas a popular man would have a stable position within the tribe (safety in numbers) and greater access to resources; he could offer a woman more safety and a better standard of living for her children. It made sense for a woman to choose a popular man who was better able to protect and provide for her children. This mindset seems to have carried over to the present day; popularity no longer equals safety and resources, but evolution hasn't had time to catch up with this change, so most women are still attracted to Mr Popular. I believe there was a research study by the Face Research Lab at the University of Aberdeen, UK, which found that women rate a man as more attractive when they see another woman smiling at him. The same effect has been observed in the animal kingdom, e.g. with zebra finches. Pickup artists exploit this by having an attractive woman talk to them, or talking to multiple women in a bar, in order to create an illusion of popularity which helps them to pick up girls. Girls tend to think that if other women like a guy then he must be a good catch!
carhill Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Women aren't attracted to average guys that are shy/quiet. 29 years experience. Add my 51 to that. There is no denying it, across generations and across the world. Accepted That said, they do like us, just not as husbands and lovers. I'm good with that now. They have their path. I have mine.
Mad Max Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 No one ever said women are logical, did they?
Cee Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I don't think the quiet guys are automatically cool and boyfriend material. I'm dealing with a quiet guy who has broken my heart. He hates how the women throw themselves at his outgoing best friend, who isn't that great of a guy. At first, I thought this guy was pretty awesome, but really he was a jerk too under a quiet and withdrawn facade. He has strung me along for too long- it's time to cut bait.
alethean Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 So much in the dating scene?Women on here say shy or laid back guys are a big turnoff, why? I dont mean a guy who never talks and has zero personality i just mean guys who dont need to be the center of attention constantly.. Is it a status thing? Do women think if a guys laid back hell be that way in the bedroom? I can't speak for other people, but I personally am fine with a quiet person as I would be with a more outgoing person. I grew up painfully shy and I learned what it was like to have all these negative attributes--unintelligent, incompetent, flat in personality--ascribed to me merely because I was shy. Maybe two years ago I resolved not to be bitter about my childhood but to use what I have experienced to be less judgmental about others who have the same personality traits. I seek the quiet people as friends and confidantes. And though I have little experience in dating so far, I can say that I have enjoyed the company of others that people discard as "quiet," peeling off their layers and finding out how interesting these people are. I feel your pain because people view quiet as some sort of all-encompassing personality trait--when it is really only one aspect of someone's personality. Just like someone can be outgoing and selfish/selfless, pessimistic/optimistic, conservative/liberal, ambitious/not ambitious, etc., someone can be quiet and have a range of other traits too. People tend to forget that, and then for you there is an added pressure of being a guy, expected in society to pursue, and you end up being unfairly overlooked and ignored. Dating is difficult enough for me. I can only imagine how it must be for you. I have no advice. I just hope you find what you are looking for.
BobSacamento Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 quiet, laid-back? In other words boring. If there is one thing I can bet my money on, women despise boring.
sumdude Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) Funny, to me laid back means someone with a more even keel not someone who is lazy or boring at all. Someone who knows how to relax and doesn't feel the need to constantly be on but can also rise to any occasion. Boring is boring, I know plenty of not laid back people who bore me to no end. Just because someone is in everyone's face doesn't mean they're interesting. I think the word boor comes to mind. Few things worse than a boring boor. Edited February 2, 2011 by sumdude
StalledGirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I don't care about "social status" an. I don't mind a man who is shy or laidback but if he is so shy that he can't speak and expects me to do all of the talking then he will come across as dull and boring to be around. As for the silly idea that "average" men are ignored...most men and women are average and manage to find love so I think it's time for another excuse to be put forward by bitter men.
Cracker Jack Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Funny, to me laid back means someone with a more even keel not someone who is lazy or boring at all. Someone who knows how to relax and doesn't feel the need to constantly be on but can also rise to any occasion. Boring is boring, I know plenty of not laid back people who bore me to no end. Just because someone is in everyone's face doesn't mean they're interesting. I think the word boor comes to mind. Few things worse than a boring boor. I see it this way, too.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Hmm... I would prefer a laid back fellow as opposed to one that is always on the up and up, a social butterfly guy (bad analogy I know). My reasoning is that a laid back guy would have some good friends, a really up and up guy would have lots of friends and also lots of women throwing themself at him. I wouldn't like that one bit. I know this is insecurity talking ( I am not at the best point in life to be dating or talking about dating right now) but I would feel like one of these girls might take him from me, that he might neglect me and the relationship for his social because he gets all the attentions, and that he would find someone more compatible with his social interests than I am. I am friendly and have some friends, but I am not a social butterfly type and prefer small groups of people I know to being life of the party. I might talk to a guy but as soon as girls start hanging off his nuts I'm out. There was a Murse (male nurse) at my class last week, sat right next to me. He looked like Seann William Scott http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/contributor/1800360159/photo/217381 but a little plainer in the face and shorter/stockier. He was a cute fellow and kind of reserved. I talked to him a bit, but after lunch all the younger nurse girls were falling all over him. It was hard to tell if he enjoyed the attentions or not, but I was like "bleh". I'm not anyone's groupie. Like I said, this might just be because I am not emotionally, mentally, or legally (still techinically married) ready to date yet. But it's my 2 cents for what it's worth.
somedude81 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) As for the silly idea that "average" men are ignored...most men and women are average and manage to find love so I think it's time for another excuse to be put forward by bitter men. You misunderstand. I said shy/quiet average guys. Of course average guys manage to find love, but only if they have outgoing, charismatic personalities. A guy who's kind of quiet and not very outgoing, will basically get ignored by women if he's only average in looks. The only guys that can get away with being shy/quiet are the above average looking guys. Edited February 2, 2011 by somedude81
SarcasticBlonde Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 So much in the dating scene?Women on here say shy or laid back guys are a big turnoff, why? I dont mean a guy who never talks and has zero personality i just mean guys who dont need to be the center of attention constantly.. Is it a status thing? Do women think if a guys laid back hell be that way in the bedroom? My boyfriend is quiet and laidback. Its one of the reasons I like him so much. Men that need to be heard and seen all the time are just trying to prove something and it shows. That's a turn off.
meyou Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I don't think it is quiet or outgoing or anything like that. People fal for each other at first glance and everyone knows a "quiet, laid back guy" who gets all the girls and I, as I am sure you all do too, know a "quiet, laid back, lazy" maybe even "unpleasant" or even "un-kept" guy who gets all the girls. The one thing I have experienced and is it doens't matter about what you do to attract women and have them fall for you.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I think people are confusing who a woman will have sex with and who a woman will marry. Take my father. He was born in 1941 and in his youth he had two illegitimate children by white mothers. In no case did the mother stay with him since he was just a aspiring doctor in a racist society. They wanted nothing to do with him beyond sex. Being black regardless of our families wealth and heritage, made him lower status. I reckon each of those women married other men. Men who they thought/felt for whatever reason had higher status. Just bear this in mind. Women will have sex with men that they would never ever date or marry all the time. I have had "relationships" like that. i.e. Their are women who have a fetish for black men, or who find us attractive for the taboo nature of interracial sex (to some people). Yet while such women may find one of us attractive...they would for the same reasons not date us. Which some guys will find odd to complain about but trust me it's not that good. After a certain point it's not enough. To summarize women often have different requirements for who they would have sex with vs who they would date/marry. Don't confuse those two things. I'll leave you with this final thought about adultery. 'The biggest difference is that women are much better at keeping their affairs secret,' he says. 'If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that between eight and 15 per cent of children haven't been fathered by the man who thinks he's the biological parent.' Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1211104/Think-men-unfaithful-sex-A-study-shows-WOMEN-biggest-cheats--theyre-just-better-lying-it.html#ixzz1CpMmFVyh
BS76 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 So much in the dating scene?Women on here say shy or laid back guys are a big turnoff, why? I dont mean a guy who never talks and has zero personality i just mean guys who dont need to be the center of attention constantly.. Is it a status thing? Do women think if a guys laid back hell be that way in the bedroom? Be PLAYFUL and FUN. That's the problem with most shy nice guys that are laid back---they're boring! Don't be that guy.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 A large problem with saying "be playful" is that many women don't date playful men. They date dangerous criminals....men who cheat...men who lie.
sally4sara Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I don't think quiet, laid back people get looked down on so much as they might get overlooked or go unnoticed.
sally4sara Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Just bear this in mind. Women will have sex with men that they would never ever date or marry all the time. Which some guys will find odd to complain about but trust me it's not that good. After a certain point it's not enough. To summarize women often have different requirements for who they would have sex with vs who they would date/marry. Don't confuse those two things. I'll leave you with this final thought about adultery. This isn't a gender thing. If it was, we wouldn't have the phrase "wife material". PEOPLE will have sex with other PEOPLE that they would never date or marry. What is odd is that men would find this odd and wonder why when they do it too.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 This isn't a gender thing. If it was, we wouldn't have the phrase "wife material". PEOPLE will have sex with other PEOPLE that they would never date or marry. What is odd is that men would find this odd and wonder why when they do it too. Oh I don't find it odd at all. The problem I have with it is just like that of a woman who has been sexually/reproductively used by a man. It's at least extremely disappointing. What PO's those who complain of being called "nice" and then used for emotional support....is that they often feel like second best like the woman is settling for them. They want to be desired sexually just as much as anyone. What's cruel and unreasonable is that some people will have sex with one person, then get married and not have sex with another person. Date around with one kind of person...then marry another kind. Doing all of that without considering the feelings of the other person.
StalledGirl Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 You misunderstand. I said shy/quiet average guys. Of course average guys manage to find love, but only if they have outgoing, charismatic personalities. A guy who's kind of quiet and not very outgoing, will basically get ignored by women if he's only average in looks. The only guys that can get away with being shy/quiet are the above average looking guys. The numbers don't add up unless you think 99% of women can attract above average men? Surely quiet men attract quiet women? A loud , overbearing type of man wouldn't want to date me as i'm not the loud type..he'd find someone who was like him. It's a different world online as offline I have known shy/quiet men and they usually find women just like them so what's the problem? Unless this s another thread about how a man should be able to attract any woman and it's not fair if he can't.
tgr172 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I think it’s how one was raised. Being gracious (laidback) and in control of one’s need for attention (quiet) was proper behavior. It’s not necessarily that a guy is “quiet and laid back” it’s having the self confidence and esteem to not feel the need for accolades and attention. Which most center of attention guys need because of their lack of self confidence. Sometimes they can even get pushy in their attempts to get attention. Give constant standup routines or monologues. Most will throw someone “under the bus” to get a laugh or be the big shot or get the attention of a woman (attached or not) …. We all know the type. That is their proficiency and most “quiet/laid back guys don’t play in that sandbox so can’t go toe to toe with them so they just clam up. Mr. “Need the attention” has home field advantage. But, put that big shot in a different element and any female around him would be totally turned off by his ineptness. It’s funny in that guys can spot the kind immediately (guys know guys and their motives), women usually don’t have a clue despite what they think. So when we advise them of the type they think we are just jealous and resentful. Lose, lose situation. Another fact is that most of the quiet laid back guys are very much better in one to one situations. If a woman wants to have a really enjoyable time, interesting conversation and connect at a deeper level… the laid back guy is far superior. Plus I’ve been told romance and sex is way better cause its about the woman not himself. The big shot will spend all night trying to impress … it gets really old after a while.
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