AD1980 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 So much in the dating scene?Women on here say shy or laid back guys are a big turnoff, why? I dont mean a guy who never talks and has zero personality i just mean guys who dont need to be the center of attention constantly.. Is it a status thing? Do women think if a guys laid back hell be that way in the bedroom?
carhill Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Social proof. Popular men are generally popular with women. You can have all the aspects of health which are beneficial for an intimate relationship but, if you are relatively invisible, there ya go. People see right through you while gazing at the popular man. Presuming generalities about people is pretty gender-neutral. That said, as males are generally the pursuers of romance, being quiet and laid back rarely will achieve that goal. Action is required.
Author AD1980 Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 Social proof. Popular men are generally popular with women. You can have all the aspects of health which are beneficial for an intimate relationship but, if you are relatively invisible, there ya go. People see right through you while gazing at the popular man. Presuming generalities about people is pretty gender-neutral. That said, as males are generally the pursuers of romance, being quiet and laid back rarely will achieve that goal. Action is required. its interesting how social proof/popularity is allot more important to women on how they look at men then vice versa.. My friend whos the leader of our social circle so to speak u can tell the women in our circle want to be accepted by him..hes married as are they so while it is part sexual its beyond that..allot of women still have that high school mentality of wanting to be accepted by the homecoming king so to speak..
Mad Max Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Women are more shallow than men and this proves it. The guys you described are perceived to have little to no social value. That is how women judge men. They judge by how other women act around you. They don't know how to think for themselves.
Emilia Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Women are more shallow than men and this proves it. The guys you described are perceived to have little to no social value. That is how women judge men. They judge by how other women act around you. They don't know how to think for themselves. this is said with the wisdom of an 'experienced' 22 year-old, is it? give me a break
Woggle Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I agree with the others about the social status thing. Some women never get past the high school clique stage.
paleblue Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 women are more social generally speaking, soo that’s what they relate too better. imho.
carhill Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 OP, also, IME, a man can be social but not overtly sexual and can go largely unnoticed as well. Women find him to be a great friend but are not interested in him romantically. This was my experience in my younger years. Again, action. Otherwise, they see right through you like you don't exist (in *that* way). I'm finding, having had a large break due to being married, that this dynamic is more marked than prior. The perception of what is 'sexual interest' has apparently evolved to a more intense level, kind of like the body building up tolerance to a drug over time. More and more is necessary to acheive the same effect. Words/actions I might prior have thought to be flirtacious and perhaps even risque are now considered quite pedestrian. Desensitization. Interesting stuff
sumdude Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) The perception of what is 'sexual interest' has apparently evolved to a more intense level, kind of like the body building up tolerance to a drug over time. More and more is necessary to acheive the same effect. Words/actions I might prior have thought to be flirtacious and perhaps even risque are now considered quite pedestrian. Desensitization. Interesting stuff I've run into this too. Dating/sex etc in the 21st century is a different ballgame than even 15 years ago. Being a somewhat laid back guy myself I do realize one thing. I've missed a LOT of opportunities. In hindsight it was obvious but at the time I was taking it easy. The window of opportunity with women is open for a short time. Once it's closed it rarely opens back up again so you have to make your move when the moment is right. You have to escalate the physical and sexual side or it goes poof. You can go from "guy I would like to sleep with" to "nice guy who is a friend' in a matter of minutes. This has happened to me about 10 times in the last two years. The previous year I was on a roll and more aggressive. You have to go after what you want, it will not just come to you. Edited February 1, 2011 by sumdude
Ay Diesel T Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Pretty laid back dude here, quiet at times, other times I'm the life of the party. But at the same time I'm very forward and honest about my intentions, so depending on how lazy I'm feeling, if I see a woman I like I'll go for her or not. But because of certain parameters in regards to me, I don't stress that small window of opportunity as much, cause mine generally opens up when I make the effort to pursue.
sumdude Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Pretty laid back dude here, quiet at times, other times I'm the life of the party. But at the same time I'm very forward and honest about my intentions, so depending on how lazy I'm feeling, if I see a woman I like I'll go for her or not. But because of certain parameters in regards to me, I don't stress that small window of opportunity as much, cause mine generally opens up when I make the effort to pursue. I'm not sure about your uh.. parameters. Regardless I think we're saying the same thing. If you make the effort to pursue you are no longer being very laid back or quiet as the OP opined.
Gypsy_Soul Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 As long as laid back doesn't mean lazy. The last guy I kinda sorta dated described himself as really laid back and he was just plain lazy.
carhill Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 My datapoint: Laid-back: cordial and pleasant; engage others; interested in their successes whilst not trumpeting my own. Refrain from making sexual comments to women, known or unknown. Friendly and affectionate to friends. At a party, prefer quiet conversation to being the center of attention or circling same. Generally conservative in appearance; not flashy.
depplover_1980 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I am mainly attracted to what I call 'the strong silent types' and I am not interested in the guy making all the other guys laugh, but the most intelligent man in the group. I like clever men who don't talk constantly but when they do have something to say it's worthwhile. To me these men are highly confident and have nothing to prove to anyone. Huge turn on for me.
SteveC80 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 social status/proof Always about popularity and having someone other women desire..
rauno Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I think women like macho men.. they don't want that men do all what they want.. women think that this kind of men are weak
counterman Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I have been the laid back guy and the guy who's the centre of attention. From my experience, the guy who is the centre of attention gets more interests from girls. I have been told and heard it mentioned several times on LS that girls want guys that other girls want. That seem to be the case in my last relationship. My ex saw me as "low value" and even encouraged me to flirt with other girls (to get her jealous so she can see me as "high value"). This whole concept I find ridiculous and, yet, it seems to be true. Though, I wouldn't say it's a spoken fact. Though, obversing my social circle the guy that is the most extroverted has the girl, even if he is a douchebag. Now, I am definitely more laid back but, in terms of dating, it has gotten me nowhere.
SteveC80 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 women are more attracted to overly masculine men and they allot of times they happen to be dbags its conscious and subconscious,subconsciously their eggs are drawn to it consciously their mind and vagina is drawn to it
SmileFace Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 women are more attracted to overly masculine men and they allot of times they happen to be dbags its conscious and subconscious,subconsciously their eggs are drawn to it consciously their mind and vagina is drawn to it Exactly - its like science ,duh!
somedude81 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Instead of complaining, the best thing to do is to work on changing yourself. Adapt or die...alone.
Questionis Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Who looks down on them? I want one, where are they at? I wanna go there.
zengirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 So much in the dating scene?Women on here say shy or laid back guys are a big turnoff, why? I dont mean a guy who never talks and has zero personality i just mean guys who dont need to be the center of attention constantly.. Is it a status thing? Do women think if a guys laid back hell be that way in the bedroom? To me, "laid back" = lazy as ****. Every guy I've ever met who has used the words, "I just want to be laid back" or "Can't it just be laid back" has meant he didn't want to put effort into anything, really (relationships or work or life or whatever). But it really depends what you mean. I totally go for shy guys. I never go for the center-of-attention guys. But I like guys who dig progress, especially in themselves, who go after what they want (even quietly---in fact, quietly is better!), who are attentive and active in the relationship and take it seriously, and who have built comfortable and productive lives they're happy with. To me, that requires a lot of drive. And having drive doesn't mesh well with being laid back. Of course, I also dig balance. Too much drive, to the point where you're driving over other people so to speak, is lame. If you just mean a quieter sort of man, I think it's something that changes with age. When I was younger, I tended to go for more social men because I felt they were more interested. I didn't understand yet how a quiet man could show interest, and since I also date close to my age, a lot of these shy/quiet guys hadn't yet learned how to show interest (too shy!) in a pretty girl either. And I was a little shy myself, then. I grew out of that quick, and it led to me getting to know more shy guys.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 So true. Same reason women don't like nice, good guys. They equate them with "boring", and would rather have the bad boy.
makelemonade1974 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I like laid back quiet men. I wish I could find one. Come over here baby.
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