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[baluba]

Hi there,

 

I feel kind of silly doing this, but I really need some thing to keep me going.

 

I kinda broke up ( I don't think I know who broke up with who yet ) with my girlfriend. We had one year together.

 

She was under age when we met, now she's almost nineteen. It was a distance relationship, almost 250 miles had us apart. It started as a fairy tale, I never thought I could love and feel so loved. I drove more than 10-12 times at her place, over the course of one year. I met her parents, and on the first date she planned we get engaged, she then was my fiancée. We, in that year, talked almost daily. At the beginning more than two hours a day. We exchanged hundreds of messages every month

 

As the months have gone by, she being more outgoing than I was, I couldn't help thinking I started losing her. I started feeling less loved, I could see how the number of minutes talking were going less and less, the number of messages also.

 

I tried talking to her about that, she refused to do anything about that and she insisted she loves me just as much.

 

After the half of the year, we started having argues on the simplest of reasons, argues that were very intense and made us do or say things that would only hurt our relationship. We kinda broke up a lot of times. We had a lot of days as a time out. We were both the ones guilty.

 

The end of the relationship was in one day, almost 2 days ago, when, after the course of about one and a half day we didn't talk because i didn't send a good night message like we always do every night, I thought it was a little reason to not talk at all, even though in that night when we had the argue over the message, she told me she doesn't give a f*** about the relationship anymore.

 

I replies with a message of I love you, and she replied with a message in which she wanted me to send her stuff back ( various stuff I bought for her ). This has happened a lot of times and we made up in those cases.

 

Seing this attitude after I made the first step towards making up, even though she said some inappropriate stuff about the relationship and all the efforts I have done, I asked her to say one more time and confirm she really doesn't give a damn about the relationship, so we can settle it and carry on, breaking up.

 

However, she decided to give a striking blow this time. Knowing my greatest weakness, she admitted she just cheated on my and that she feels good saying that to me. Also that she wants me to suffer like a dog, and other stuff like that.

 

After that, I told her never to contact me again, I became sick and dizzy, I risked droving back home in that condition, asking permission from my boss, and on the way home I've thrown the engagement ring I've put on when we first met.

 

edit: I called her mom and dad to say goodbye and what happened, after that day, she contacted me telling me that she just made a desperate move lying to me to make me suffer. Now, don't get me wrong, but either way, she was trying to hurt me, so in my book, that's not love anymore or winning back somoneone.

 

She confirmed she pulled that stunt because she didn't want to ever make up.

 

I could help thinking if I was wrong anywhere, except maybe being suspicious, but after something like that happening, how can I trust someone ever again?

 

 

Thanks for reading so far, hope I didn't bore anyone.

Edited February 1, 2011 by baluba

[newrule]

Hello baluba,

 

There's a saying that the hottest love ends with the coldest hatred, or something along that line. You seem to have had something very special with her, and that's a good thing. It's a good thing to have felt love and to love someone as much as you did. Instead of focusing on how bad it has turned out, why not look back at the good parts and appreciate the experience you have gained and the love you discovered you have in you to give? It's supremely sad if someone as nice as you choose not to trust another girl. Your ex is just not the one. That person is still out there waiting to just discover you.

 

Try not to take your ex's insults to heart. That's just immaturity on her part, and you shouldn't dignify it by even slightly agreeing with her.

 

I suggest you try to accept she's not your girlfriend anymore, start healing and start moving on. You can look at the relationship in retrospect once you've healed, try to detect what went wrong and how you as a person can change to make the next relationship better, but don't do that now. You'll just end up blaming yourself and the emotional mumbo jumbo will just put you down.