Poke_Dott Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 This is the first time I blog, I think I rather share with all of you as I can't express to friends how much in pain I am drowning in or Family who I care about and do not want to make them involved in this sadness, and no doctor who will try to make me talk but there is not much he can do. I was going out with a guy ( can’t call him BF as he was much more than that) my first boyfriend, my first love , my first kiss, my all). I was in high school, and we grew up to be university sweethearts. Things happened and he had to leave the country to work abroad. Since then things hit the fan. We missed each other so much that we fought often wondering why he or I didn’t call on time or so forth or when will he be coming back. Slowly started to reduce calls and that hurt me a lot. Make story short, due to our true feeling, and due to his lack of communications we went back together as he explained to me the problems he was going through and reasons behind what he did. We went back and after another year he did the same cold moves. He told me he was sick with serious thing so I went back to stick beside him then we he found me being all excessively caring (via daily phone calls as he was still abroad) he told me the news. HE was in a relationship!!!!!!! I was hurt so much, can’t explain it shattered me. When he later came and saw each other again ( not by will) he told me the story and he took a break from her as he got attached to her only cuz she was listening to him and he was sharing his fears of the sickness with her (he now is over the illness). He told me he lost me as a life partner and doesn’t want to lose me as a friend. I couldn’t take no more of this humiliation and disrespect and ignored him ever since. Yet ever since we are still tied somehow!!!!! We care about each other I personally think about him still all time. And every time he comes to town I bump into him by accident, then he tries talking, then...we get close and cut again after 2 days. He told me he needed more time. We are not together but I can’t seem to get over him. Its been 3 yrs and haven’t been in any relationship since and still think about him, care about him, and can’t let go no matter how much I KNOW I NEED TO! I saw him last in a wedding and I felt like a Long knife was slowly stabbing my heart a million times ( I was very dry and didn’t want to look or talk). I just realized I wasn’t over him i am far from it especially when he starts talking to me and asking me about myself and...I just can’t help wanting to hold him. I was good and resisted last time. But i can’t handle the thought of..me and him not a THIGN NO MORE,,,or we might end up with different people. Its like REALLY!!!!!! i Can’t i can’t AM I SICK! Is this love gone too far! I do ignore him but we go in circles ( or maybe its me going in circles) It seems like we are tied somehow. I followed every piece of advice out there truly but the wound keeps resurfacing and I cannot move on with another! Everything is just so tasteless Should i talk to him, should i completely ignore him, or should i try be his friend!!!!!!!! When i love him...
z00m25 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 ignore him, dont be his friend. If hes seeing other people why would you want to be there for him as his backup plan? I say kick him to the curb and move on with your life. Its really hard but you need to realize hes not coming back and let him go. Your on your own now and it may do some good to start seeing some other people especially if he was the only person you've had a relationship with. There are how many people in the world, surely theres at least one person better than him out there. You also need to keep yourself busy so you dont think about it as much. I joined the gym myself but try starting some new hobbys. It will get better but only after you finally let go and enough time passes by.
Author Poke_Dott Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 ignore him, dont be his friend. If hes seeing other people why would you want to be there for him as his backup plan? I say kick him to the curb and You are sooooooo right, is hould do this and not keep hurting myself at it. SWo many came and i never gave any of the a chance bcz of that A$$. Enought is enough i guess. Thank you for replyin on my first blog ever. Its cool!
depplover_1980 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I second dumping this user. You will move forward just fine and life will get easier slowly, just don't be hard on yourself for being hurt somedays...
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