UofLCards Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Ok. Dont know how many of you know my whole story but I have posted my story in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t255656/ Hope you can read up on my story to get my whole story. I am in the middle of a custody fight with my SO. Since I have moved out she has written me 3 letters stating that she "misses and loves me". Thing is after she writes all this about how much she misses me she asks for to help her out with her court costs/fines with the tax money. I was awarded temp. custody and on Jan. 4th my SO was told by the judge to take an alcohol/drug screen before she would be able to get her supervised visits. She awarded her supervised visits but she has to take/pass the screen first. She has not passed the screen to this day or even went to take the screen. The house she is living in the utilities are still in my name. I have not yet disconnected the utilities/took them out of my name. My lawyer told me that he would write her a letter and state that the utilities are coming out of my name in 1 week. She has 1 week to get them in her name or they will be disconnected. I am not going to lie. Even after everything my SO did to me and put me through I do miss and still love her. I hate that I still miss her but I do. When I read her letters I still get that knott in my throat and hate it that she is struggling. That everything had to be this way. I mean, we were together for 9 years. That's a long time. Again, just going to have to take this day by day. Pray for me guys. My kids and I need it.
What_Next Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Good luck, gods speed and keep us posted. I cannot imagine how terrible this must be to go through.
Eye of Hourus Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Cards, Good to hear from you again. If your WW is to really start the long journey from addiction she has to hit rock bottom. No more rescuing her from the consequences of her actions. Let the utilities go, do not help her financially she may just use any money you give her to feed her habit. Your fist priority is to look after yourself and your little ones. Did you ever look into the counselling and support services. Both alcoholics and narcotics anonymous have support programs for the partners and children of addicts they should be able to help you help yourself and will reinforce the message that your WW will need to hit rock bottom before she will be able to even start rebuilding her life. The Eye A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. - Lao Tzu 604 - 531 BC
Author UofLCards Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 My kids dont show any changes in behavior at all. They think of my parents home as there own. Always have. Question. I wanted to open up my own checking/savings acct. Should I hold off on doing that for the time being? Just curious.
Author UofLCards Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Tomorrow will mark one month since the court hearing. My SO still has not been to take the drug/alcohol screen. She has though been trying to throw some guilt on me with letters and texts saying how could I do tnis to her, dont u think the kids miss me etc. I just do not want her to see the kids until she can take and pass the screen. There has to be.a reason why she does not want to take the screen. I mean its free for her to take it. I paid for it. Im just still worried about custody. My kids are safe, well taken care of, and do not have a care in the world where they are at now with me. Im just scared that she might somehow be awarded custody. Shouldnt it be heavy in my favor since I was awarded temp. Custody and have the kids 100% of the time since we split up? Pray for me. My kids need it. They need a loving stable enviornment.
Author UofLCards Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 Hey. Just wanted to check back in with you guys. Lots to share with you all about my situation since I last checked in. Well, where do I start? I had my court hearing for custody with my SO. She never did go take the drug/alcohol test that the judge told her to take before she could see the kids. She didnt even show up for the last hearing. I was awarded full custody until she can come forth in front of the judge. My lawyer informed me that with that ruling I will have full custody of my kids for 2 years until she can even attempt to try and change custody proceedings. I didn't know that until he informed me that. So I have FULL custody for 2 years at least. Well, a day after the last hearing I get a call from work that my SO has been arrested. She had bench warrants in 2 counties for unpaid fines and not showing up to court for 2 separate DUI's in 2 different counties. I don't know for sure why she was stopped and eventually arrested that night but they found out she had the bench warrants and arrested her. She is now in jail. They are keeping her in jail until June 8th. Then she could be transferred to the other county that she had the bench warrant in and could have to serve time (up to 90-120 days) there as well. She keeps calling me, writing me BEGGING for me to pay her fines so she can get out of jail. I havent done it but it's been hard to put my foot down and say no. REAL HARD. I hate it that she is in there. I mean, I do still love her. She is the mother of my kids. Also, she lost her (our) house. Since she was in jail she has lost our old house which was hers when I left. So when she gets out she will have no where to go. I don't know where she is going to go. I do feel sorry for her. But I guess she dug her own grave. She keeps asking me in the letters if we can start dating again sometime and try and work this out. Deep down inside I want to try again but I know it will never fully work out. She hurt me too much for me to fully forgive her. I'm just lost. I love her, I feel sorry for her. But, she is sick. She is not the same person I feel in love with. It's hard knowing she is going what she is going through and what she will still be going through once she gets out of jail but I have to stay strong for my kids and put them first in my life.
FreeNow Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I have to stay strong for my kids and put them first in my life. Thanks for the update. It's good to read that you have full custody and you are no longer enabling her. You've done the right things throughout this mess. You've been an honorable father and husband. The pain will diminish over time... it will. As having survived similar, my heart goes out to you.
Author UofLCards Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Thanks. I appreciate all the input you all have given me on these forums during my time of need. I have full custody for 2 years. Don't know how things will go 2 years from now. Let's hope that I can get the same outcome 2 years from now. Right now my SO doesn't even get any visitations with the kids at all. Not even supervised. Which in my eyes is the best thing. With the things she is going through with her addiction our kids do not need to see her like that. Then when you factor in the men she brings in her life that are what I would call drunken-losers, they are not a good influence at all on my kids for them to be around. Anyone know what I might go through after my 2 year custody is up? Is there a chance she might be able to put up a good fight in court to get her kids back or be awarded some kind of custody?
John Michael Kane Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Anyone know what I might go through after my 2 year custody is up? Is there a chance she might be able to put up a good fight in court to get her kids back or be awarded some kind of custody? Just wanted to congratulate you on everything that's happened. It's going well for you and your healing process should be faster than normal. After the 2 year custody is up, you should be healed and moved on from this situation. And after everything she did that led up to now, there is an extremely low chance she might even receive custody of those children. If I were you I wouldn't worry about that now. Just continue taking care of yourself and those kids and hopefully find yourself a better woman.
Author UofLCards Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 Thanks for all the help and advice you guys have given me. I will keep you all updated on my situation. Pray for me and my kids.
robf1971 Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 . It's hard knowing she is going what she is going through and what she will still be going through once she gets out of jail . I understand you feeling that way but she's a grown up, we have to take the consequences for our actions, it's the same for her. Anyway in the long run jail might do her some good by the sounds of things.
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