depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Zen, it was trying to be condescending, speaking to you in a hippy vibe and that he was helping you to 'chill'. You are one of the most balanced people on this whole forum so it was 'like teaching a Granny to suck eggs, or a whore to suck dick'!
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) When we got back in contact with each other, we just caught up on things. There was no talk about getting together, no talk about dating seriously. I don't do that early in the game, because to me that's putting too much pressure on the woman. So I just keep it simple, laid back, day by day. After reconnecting, the 1st night we hung out she asked a ton of questions. Some of them about how many girls have I been with since we last spoke (Told her it was my business only lol..), about what I was looking for as far as relationships go, etc. I told her, word for word, that I wasn't looking for anything in particular, but open to the idea of a relationship if one happens to manifest out of me seeing a woman. In other words, I'm not looking, I'd rather let it happen than force it. She agreed, and told me that she only had sex with one guy and dated another since we last talked (her honesty really did stand out to me, I appreciated it alot). Then after that we recapped on why we had our first fall out. She told me that back then she felt I was just using her for sex, and that is why she closed up shop on me. I apologized to her, because back then I didn't really know her well, so when she closed up shop, to me it looked like she was using the power of sex to get whatever she wanted out of me, in that case, a relationship. She accepted the apology and we just hung out, talked outside on the hood of my car for a couple hours, then got soaked by her sprinklers lol. Honestly, the lack of communication is on both parts. I've been taking this laid back, it is what it is approach for so long, that it really did skip my mind she'd most likely get clingy after sex. Most women do. It also doesn't help that my last, short lived relationship, the roles were sort of reversed. I was the one seeking more (not as desperate though) and she was the one who didn't want to be with me long term. Learning from that experience, I've come to the conclusion that it's best to just let things flow, and whatever happens happens...which is the approach I took with the woman I'm dealing with now. Update: We're in the middle of a pregnancy scare, she's 3 days late and freaking out. Ended up scooting over to her place so she wouldn't be afraid alone. When I got there she was crying, so I held her and calmed her for a couple hours then went home, slept and woke up 4 and a half hours later for school. Gotta admit, entirely regretting the unprotected sex right now. Buying a pregnancy test and seeing her tomorrow. Gonna be tough, she doesn't want to take a pregnancy test cause she's petrified of what the truth may yield. After this whole thing blows over, if it does, I'm going to talk to her. I really can't be with a woman like this, not even force myself to. We talked about it last night. I told her that in order for us to work she'd need to be more confident. She told me she is who she is, I understood, and told her that it doesn't have to be a bad thing that we're incompatible, we could ride it till the wheels fall off on good times. She didn't really agree or disagree. But thinking it over, I just want to be out of this whole situation. My last LTR my ex was insecure in a similar fashion, and it sucked hard. As for the sex, which I'm sure is gonna be attempted Thursday on her part, I'm just gonna let that pass. I don't want to repeat what I went through, because in my eyes, I did nothing wrong. And even after this entire thread, I'm not going to change my approach in dating, I'm just going to take with me from this that insecure women are not worth it. Edited February 2, 2011 by Ay Diesel T
SmileFace Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I have no problem with this fall naturally but it isn't far to just be ****ing someone and then decide whenever you want "Hey, I may want a relationship" or "It is time to find someone I actually want a relationship with". If you understand what I am saying. If she has a pregnancy scare and still wants to have sex with you. Umm - WTF
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Diesel, it takes 7+ days for the pregnancy hormone to show up on the tests so make sure that has passed before you do it, though I have a sneaky suspicious it will be negative. This girl is a loon trying to get your attention now after giving it out failed.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 I would like to assume it will be negative, seeing as the sex was short lived (5-10 minutes) due to the fact it was unprotected, we stopped early, and I was nowhere near arriving (fully aware of pregnancy due to pre-ejaculation). But when I assume, is when bad things start happening lol, so I'll play it by ear.
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I have met many men with stories of girls doing similar things. I just find it all a bit too much of a coincidence that her period was conveniently due the week after, now she is late and ringing you up. I would be 80% certain this it is fake on her part.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Risking looking like a dumbass here, but this isn't the first time this has happened with her....wow what if she's trying to "trap" me? ****!
SmileFace Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 You should run not walk away from this girl .I doubt she is pregnant - hopefully not . What if? Happened before? You must like drama
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Your a sucker for punishment Diesel T. This bitch is crazy!!
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 I guess I take the whole "benefit of a doubt" thing a step too far. But please, she isn't a bitch lol. She's a nice girl, when she isn't acting crazy.
depplover_1980 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I guess I take the whole "benefit of a doubt" thing a step too far. But please, she isn't a bitch lol. She's a nice girl, when she isn't acting crazy. I know,it's from a movie but I can't remember which one 'this bitch is crazy'. I think you like her more than you let on ya know, which is good when you're taking the baby to the park.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 I know,it's from a movie but I can't remember which one 'this bitch is crazy'. I think you like her more than you let on ya know, which is good when you're taking the baby to the park. Not funny lol. Still waiting on that Aunt Flow! But like I mentioned earlier, I do fancy a bit, but she's just an insecure wreck and it makes her lash out. Something I can't tolerate for too long.
sally4sara Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Some posts in here will not be addressed, personally, because I feel they don't need to be. When assumptions are being made left and right, I really do just laugh because most of it is nowhere close to spot on. Ah, but what you're asking about with this thread is based pretty much on assumptions and perceptions. You may not like them, but if you're trying to figure out how it affects you, you're not going to get a clear idea by casting off input that doesn't flatter you or have you agreeing. This issue is about how YOU come across to the women you take an interest in. If you're giving off a less than flattering (to you) impression or they perceive you in a less than flattering light, while you may not feel its accurate, it does provide you with useful information. And since we rarely see ourselves accurately, you might not be coming off as you think you do. This is when input that doesn't flatter you becomes relevant. Reporting posts simply because you don't agree with what is said is kinda telling about your character. It speaks of a lack of compromise and the inability to contemplate possibilities you don't want to hear even when they are shared honestly. Could you not see why someone might not want to date a person like that no matter what they looked like? Would you want to date someone who invalidated your input every time it didn't cater to their ego and flatter them? Would you believe they were not hung up on themselves? Ultimately, none of us know you so its harder to be spot on. How you come across to others through your words is not the readers fault for not knowing you.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Ah, but what you're asking about with this thread is based pretty much on assumptions and perceptions. You may not like them, but if you're trying to figure out how it affects you, you're not going to get a clear idea by casting off input that doesn't flatter you or have you agreeing. This issue is about how YOU come across to the women you take an interest in. If you're giving off a less than flattering (to you) impression or they perceive you in a less than flattering light, while you may not feel its accurate, it does provide you with useful information. And since we rarely see ourselves accurately, you might not be coming off as you think you do. This is when input that doesn't flatter you becomes relevant. Reporting posts simply because you don't agree with what is said is kinda telling about your character. It speaks of a lack of compromise and the inability to contemplate possibilities you don't want to hear even when they are shared honestly. Could you not see why someone might not want to date a person like that no matter what they looked like? Would you want to date someone who invalidated your input every time it didn't cater to their ego and flatter them? Would you believe they were not hung up on themselves? Ultimately, none of us know you so its harder to be spot on. How you come across to others through your words is not the readers fault for not knowing you. Eh. Also, who was reporting people? Don't skim next time.
sally4sara Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Eh. Also, who was reporting people? Don't skim next time. I didn't skim; you said you had it removed for finding it rude and that is accomplished by reporting it for being against forum guidelines. But you've nicely demonstrated in your response exactly what I am talking about concerning a discrepancy between how you see yourself and how you come across to others. I find your response rude and dismissing for its lack of addressing my very on topic post about your dating struggles. Not so much so that I will seek to have it flagged, but enough to no longer wonder if you're just misunderstood by the women that have you troubled.
OldSkool Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 You've been dismissed for good reason. You and I both know why. Bye. Here is a classic example of your narcissism. This is NOT your forum. This may be your OP, but you have no ownership of this thread. You put the questions out there, people have given their opinion. You have no authority to dismiss anyone. That being said, you are now on my ignore list. bbai!
IrishCarBomb Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Here is a classic example of your narcissism. Yeah, it's pretty much a textbook case.
dispatch3d Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 She didn't want to have sex, and I respected that. But I still wanted to tease her, and play around. No harm in that. Whether she got turned on and gave in was totally up to her. I didn't beg her, I didn't give her the classic "Come onnnnnnn". I didn't even go over with the intentions of having sex with her, I just wanted to spend quality time. Here's a question. Sex happened, cool. But why am I the bad guy here? Like it wasn't mutual or something? She has sex with me and now I'm the guy who didn't respect her, and I'm the guy who took advantage of a insecure woman? Please, explain. What's up with people making assumptions based off of what I didn't say? It's like, absurdly apparent on this board. hey man, So at first I wasn't going to respond. Not because I think your some player or other slander that people are calling you. I wonder if that's fun for them? Haha anyways. But just because I didn't have anything valuable to add. Your attitude seems pretty good and is probably as big a factor with you+ladies as the looks. Going to the looks. Dude maybe you give your "good looks" wayy too ****ing much credit? For some reason you feel that your looks cause (1) Women to love you (2) Women to hate you (3) any other problem that might come up (4) Women are insecure because of your looks (I'm pretty damn sure they are just insecure ;-)) Meh what's the point of putting something you can't control as the reason for everything that happens? I just think your looks are there. Women like you cause your cool and good looking. Fine great. Women get pissed at you because sometimes you act like an asshat. Also fine and great (haha). Alright so I didn't really see any problems until above (and i wouldn't have just bothered posting the above because I'm 80% sure you realize what I wrote). Just because you aren't at fault doesn't mean it's her fault. Or that you are good and she is bad, or you are bad and she is good. There really is no good or bad. All you can do is attempt to understand where she is coming from, and help her through this stuff. Right now it seems like you're kinda going whoa! these are your issues. Well you can help her a little along the way. Find out why she's acting the way she is and where those feelings are coming from. I feel like you're just invalidating her worries. There's no need for that. If she wants to be upset let her be upset. Just ask her what's upsetting her, I'm sure in her mind it's reasonable. It doesn't mean she's in the right or in the wrong (she sounds like she's in the wrong). It just means its okay to be angry or upset sometimes, feel scared, whatever. Meh that's my input. Good luck man. ps. I respect the fact you don't want to get involved in her drama bombs. I would avoid those as well.
dispatch3d Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Wow Lady, I never said if you where upset or not, YOU SAID THAT. I accept that fact that you are upset and in denial about it and trying to project that on me. Doesn't bother me. Namaste haha I've called her out for not being zen as well. Seriously though, the accusations! ohhh manz.
zengirl Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 haha I've called her out for not being zen as well. Seriously though, the accusations! ohhh manz. Your definition of zen is weird to me. I've met Buddhist monks in zen monastaries that will tell you that someone is an *******. "Zen" has nothing to do with calling it like I see it, one way or the other.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) Again, I'm not with her. So her issues are her own imho. I've got too much on my plate to be dealing with someone else's problems. That's the honest truth. I don't dump my problems on anybody else, why must I be subject to it? Or allow myself to be subject to it? I'm not going to volunteer to make her problems my own. That's just not an option right now, as I barely have time for myself. Side Note - She got her period today. Soooooooo relieved. Check out the conversation with her though, and you'll see what I'm dealing with, word for word straight out of my text history: Me: Hey what's up? Her: Hey Her: BTW I just got my period so you can stop worrying. But now it's time for me to continue my bitching. Me: I'd still like to come over and hang out lol Her: I'm in too much pain Me: Okay, cool. Her: You're fine right? Me: Ya. Golden lol.. Her: Hm. Okay. Me: Lol hmmm what? Her: What's so funny honey? And just Hmm. You're rubbing off on me right now in the wrong way At this point, I'm asking myself why do I even care about this girl and her issues? I'm not with her. I don't have to put up with this stupid drama. Not even going to reply to that last text. Lol, I really can't stress enough that I'm not with her. So when people tell me that I shouldn't be so uncaring about her, I really don't understand why. Uncaring is a harsh word. I recognize her issues, but they ARE HER ISSUES. Perhaps if she was my girlfriend I'd be more sensitive towards them, but for now I'm indifferent. It's not like I'm throwing a big F U in her face. But to me, when two people aren't really together like that, there needs to be that level of understanding that there is going to be a form of independence and me "doing me". Who just dumps all their issues on somebody like that? Why would I even want to deal with it? Why do some of you suggest that? Well since she's not pregnant, it's time for me to exit this whole shabang. I don't want to keep putting up with this crap, I'd rather find another woman who's more stable. Edited February 4, 2011 by Ay Diesel T
EricaH329 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Wow , you must really like this girl. That's exactly what I was thinking. Ay, why do you continue to talk to her? I thought you said that if she wasn't pregnant, you weren't going to have anything to do with her anymore? But yet you sent her a text asking if she wanted to hang out? I think it's in your best interest if you stop talking to this girl. For your own sake.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Because I initially made plans to go see her tonight, regardless of her being pregnant or not. I didn't want to back out on my word, so I checked to see if we were still on. But yeah, I'm done talking to her. Not going to just disappear on her though, I hate that ****. So I'm going to explain to her why I'm taking my exit, she'll understand.
zengirl Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 FWIW, I don't think you were uncaring to her about the pregnancy thing, just that you have many over-arching attitudes that you described to us in your own words that make you look like an *******. Also, you being a jerk with bad attitudes and her being crazy are not mutually exclusive. FTR, I think both are kind of the case here, but using her crazy to justify your attitudes towards your actions doesn't make any sense. What someone else does rarely justifies any actions on another person's part, unless it's some kind of immediate self-defense or the people in question are in Elementary School.
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