Labeled an ******* :S

[Woggle]

 

For Woggle: I wouldn't celebrate a woman's ability to pick up men, have sex with them and then act in a way that left them feeling disrespected and rejected, and I don't know many women who would think that was awesome and empowering. It's his behavior in response to her asking him to see her again that's at fault here, not whether he has casual sex or is comfortable using his sexuality to attract women. Making some effort to treat other human beings in ways that don't leave them feeling worse than before you met them should be the de facto standard for both sexes.

 

You might not but a good number of women do high five this kind of thing. The dating world is a jungle and while his behavior might not be nice being the player is better than being played. It is sad that it has to be this way though.

[Ay Diesel T]

As far as me being the bigger person and rescheduling for a later time. That really wasn't necessary because I didn't make plans to see her that night. So I shouldn't have to explain myself, or give her a later date because an initial date wasn't set in stone. On top of that we're not together, so why is everyone treating this issue like she's with me?

 

And again I ask, how was what I did "bad" treatment?

 

1. We're not dating

 

2. No plans were made

 

3. I'm a busy individual, and I'm entitled to time to myself

 

4. Because I had sex with her I'm obligated to her? It's not like it was a hit and run. We had sex, and the day after I didn't see her. I still kept in contact with her but I decided to spend the night with my friends, as a single male is allowed to do...she flipped.

 

So please, look at the four listings. Then tell me I treated her poorly.

Edited February 2, 2011 by Ay Diesel T

[Ay Diesel T]

So we're still talking. She's going through some things. I offered to come over tonight, so she can talk somebody. She replied "I'm going to bed soon, plus my room is messy". Prior to this, we made plans to see each other Thursday night. I replied "If you're going to bed it's fine, I'll see you Thursday night, maybe we can grab some popcorn and watch a movie." Then the conversation continues as follows:

 

Her: Ok right now I'm freaking out alone. Actually you know what forget it. I'm not available on "your time" goodbye (my name). I'll deal with it alone.

 

Me: You just said you have to go to bed soon...

 

Her: Soon like one. You can't hang out for a little? Like damn (my name)..it's like I gotta fight for your company

 

Patience tested, I decided it was best to just not even get started down the path of irrationality so I didn't reply. She texts me again "So I'm guessing not. Alright well I'm really upset so thanks for being there."

 

This is where I feel like she's just trying to get me to jump through hoops here. At this point I think it's best if I just don't even reply to this kind of behavior. I'm going to bed lol..

[counterman]

You are not the bad guy here. I was just merely pointing out that how the situation may have appeared from an objective point of view. Didn't mean to offend you or anything. You did have sex with her and there's nothing wrong that. Nothing really taken advantaged of, but the miss-communication starts when she sees it as something else. Obviously she did want to hang out with you but it wasn't concrete. If she wanted to make sure it was happening or not, she could have said "hey, we still on for tonight?". Or, you could have brought it up. Maybe it's just a personal thing with me, but I would have brought it up just so that there's no confusion on what's happening or not. The fact that you guys did have sex makes the situation even worse for her, because she sees you as a player now. Again, not trying to offend you, just pointing out how this whole thing could be interpretted.

 

It's cool that you want to have a bit of fun and tease a little. Plus, if she didn't want to have sex, she wouldn't have. It was mutual and it happened. She probably expected more from you than sex, and it's easier to blame others than ourselves. Though, I'll share some technique I have read about PUAs, and I'll apply it to your situation. You guys are fooling around and she says she doesn't want to have sex and you go "sure, that's fine" - instead of getting bothered by it, you go do something else and apparently this makes her even more turned on - not saying that this happened to you, but it could be seen that way by her, that you got sex out of her even though it's a mutual.

 

You're right, you didn't have to reschedule or do anything for that matter, but doing so shows you want to hang out with her. But honestly dude, you're fine. There are other chicks man. I'm just trying to provide another perspective. I have no problems with you or anything, just saying.

[Ay Diesel T]

Lol bro it's cool, I'm honestly not upset. I realize that some posters don't really know me as a person, so I try not to take whats said here personally. Their ignorance is forgiven. As far as what you said, I just wanted you to explain it a bit more and you did, thanks.

[LittleTiger]

Dude, you sound like a narcissistic girl. Get over yourself and stop talking down to people who don't agree with you. Why the heck are you here, it's obviously not for advice. I suggest you are just here looking for an ego stroke.

 

*like*

[2sunny]

all prior info put aside... lets say that if you start to communicate effectively with women instead of being evasive (which leads to hurt feelings), and made perfectly clear your specific intentions - with actions that are completely congruent to both ideas above... THEN there would be no reason for women to feel you are being hurtful or just using them

 

be honest with them - with as few words as possible for perfect clarity.

 

kind of like when she said:

 

can i see yo after you get off work?

 

you should answer:

 

that doesn't work for me today - how about tomorrow?

 

 

to leave her hanging and then no follow up made her perceive it as "he used me and is now making no effort to see me"

 

or she could just be an insecure, needy gal.

[Madgick1]

When I was leaving she inquired about my schedule the day after, I gave it to her, she said "cool we should hang out or something".

 

And this is where you should have said, "No, I'm hanging out with my friend then."

 

Bad communication on your part caused misunderstanding on her part and hurt feelings.

[Olivia1966]

it's surprising how much positive feedback you get when you comfort an individual's insecurities.

 

And we're watching this in action right here.

 

Because look how much positive feedback you're giving people who are comforting yours.

[zengirl]

Genuinely good looking guy here. In good shape. From feedback, and what I can see, guess I'm quite the looker for the ladies... :S

 

Cause of this, the need/urge to get with a woman isn't as evident, in fact, one is more laid back and non-chalant with women. I hardly chase them, and keep the compliments few..because in the back of my mind, I know that if I want a woman, all I have to do is go out and get one.

 

You see women as disposable. That's being a jerk.

 

I'm a good-looking gal. Not worried about my looks really. Never had trouble getting dates. And I still appreciate, compliment, and admire the good men I date, who have admirable qualities. I tell my BF all the time how great he is. Why would anyone ration out compliments, especially consciously? Even with just strangers I meet, if I have a reason to compliment them, I do so.

 

When there's a relationship in it's beginning stages with a woman, they tend to get insecure with me. They'll tell me things like "you must have all the women after you" or "you seem like a playboy", things of that sort.

 

That's because you have a playboy attitude.

 

But why is this bad? How come women just write me off as a jerk or some player?

 

Because you kind of are. Good guys don't take the attitude, "Well, I'm awesome, so effort? Pshaw. Who needs it?" I know handsome men who are lovely and don't have the attitude you proclaim. .

 

 

And again I ask, how was what I did "bad" treatment?

 

1. We're not dating

 

2. No plans were made

 

3. I'm a busy individual, and I'm entitled to time to myself

 

4. Because I had sex with her I'm obligated to her? It's not like it was a hit and run. We had sex, and the day after I didn't see her. I still kept in contact with her but I decided to spend the night with my friends, as a single male is allowed to do...she flipped.

 

So please, look at the four listings. Then tell me I treated her poorly.

 

She mentioned hanging out, and you didn't say anything. Miscommunication, I guess, but your attitude about it belies that she's not in any way important to you, nor are her feelings. I don't just blame you. Really, girls should never have sex with guys like you and expect anything different, but she's probably young and didn't know any better. Maybe now she does.

[Ay Diesel T]

I did answer her. I told her I would see since I wasn't sure if I wanted to see her a 2nd day in a row. We're not together, I really don't owe her anything. There shouldn't HAVE TO be communication to the extent she wants this early. The only relationship we have is a FWB one, if that. So again, why am I the bad guy here? This seems to be the case of her wanting more too soon. Surely if the roles were reversed all of you hostile posters would most likely tell me to take a couple steps back, cause I'm being too clingy, which is exactly what she's doing. The only issue I can see here is with hostile posters and play boys, which I'm not. Try to keep those personal issues aside from this thread ya? I didn't come here asking if you women would sleep with me. That infomation is irrelevant at the most, so why bother giving it out? It's off topic unless the thread reads "would you sleep with me/a guy like me?". It doesn't though. Open for more insight, not personal issues made my own through projection.

Edited February 2, 2011 by Ay Diesel T

[Ay Diesel T]

Also wanted to note that we had sex on a Fri night. When leaving that night she inquired about my availability Saturday, the very next day. When I told her she only SUGGESTED that MAYBE we could hang out, her exact words. My reply was neutral "we'll see". That Saturday I didn't ignore her, I managed to stay in touch via text msging. While txting , she did not bring up hanging out that night, so I did my own thing for the night.

[Ometeotl]

Genuinely good looking guy here. In good shape. From feedback, and what I can see, guess I'm quite the looker for the ladies... :S

 

Cause of this, the need/urge to get with a woman isn't as evident, in fact, one is more laid back and non-chalant with women. I hardly chase them, and keep the compliments few..because in the back of my mind, I know that if I want a woman, all I have to do is go out and get one.

 

When there's a relationship in it's beginning stages with a woman, they tend to get insecure with me. They'll tell me things like "you must have all the women after you" or "you seem like a playboy", things of that sort. I'm a straight forward guy, and like mentioned before, pretty laid back when it comes to women because I know where I stand amongst other men...and my apparent level of attraction with women.

 

But why is this bad? How come women just write me off as a jerk or some player?

 

Was involved with a nice young lady a couple of weeks ago. We used to chit chat, but had a fall out and didn't speak for about 5 months. We recently linked up again, and after a week of talking, we had sex. When I was leaving she inquired about my schedule the day after, I gave it to her, she said "cool we should hang out or something".

 

Fast forward to the next day, she's texting me while I'm at work. Conversation is playful and flirty but neither she nor I bring up hanging out for the night, in fact, I went to hang out with my friend that night.

 

The next day while doing homework, sent her a text asking her for this really cute picture she had. She replied "No. Not after you ditched me last night. I don't know why I even like you, in fact, I don't like you. You're an *******. Every other guy would be all over me, but you just **** me and leave."

 

Shocked, I plead my case, she just wasn't having it.

 

......I mean.....what the hell man?

 

Having a hard time understanding why when I don't behave like a desperate horny buffoon...I get punished for it.

 

Obviously I'm laid back with women because it's not hard for me to get women, but that doesn't make me an *******. So why do I catch these negative labels on an occasional basis?

 

Is there something I'm missing here? Should I be filling her head with compliments, constantly contacting her? What the hell bro.

 

First things, I am just gonna lay this **** out for you.

 

One, tell her to stop acting so immature. If she is whining like a baby, tell her, and tell her how unattractive and flat out annoying that is that is.

 

two, all woman think guys are gonna leave after sex, they think that right before you LIKE RIGHT BEFORE you start and then wonder about it until she sees you again.

 

Three, dont give the word ******* any power, its just a word, just becuase she calls you this doesnt mean **** to me, **** to you, or anybody else that know who you are. She was just reacting emotionally... this is why Advil was created.

 

Last but not least, get used to it, dont get phased by it, and dont be guilted or called names, stand up for yourself, that is some immature baby stuff, and if she throws another tantrum like that, I would tell her that she may just get a spanking.

 

We good

[2sunny]

Ay Diesel T;3227207

 

let's review for clarity: i will tell you i am completely neutral = i don't come here with judgment or an agenda... this is only provided to help you gain info that may help you consider an effective solution - and what that might look like for you. you are the only one that CAN change here... your ability to change will also change how people react to you as well. cause and effect = that's nothing new.

 

I did answer her. I told her I would see since I wasn't sure if I wanted to see her a 2nd day in a row.

 

instead just say no, i don't plan to see you today (since that was your thought). that is being clear with her as to your intent. i will "see" is not a clear answer. that is misleading. be clear and honest. it helps all. leaves no room to wonder...

 

We're not together, I really don't owe her anything.

 

then tell her that. tell any gal that if that is how you perceive things.

 

There shouldn't HAVE TO be communication to the extent she wants this early.

 

communication is key. it helps if you can eliminate anything misleading. be clear on what you DO or DON'T intend to do. a simple "no" is sufficient and clear. especially if she is asking for more than you want to give her. this is part of being honest.

 

The only relationship we have is a FWB one, if that.

 

then tell her that. she expects more - that is obvious by her reaction... her reaction to what you delivered after she expected you to make an effort for her. if you want to make little effort... tell her that. "i only want FWB, i want to make little effort for you, are you good with that?" she can then choose to participate - or not. at least YOU are then being honest, not evasive and leaving room for hurt feelings.

 

it's more what you aren't saying that seems to be hurting her... and this is something she does to herself... but you CAN help by being absolutely clear with her.

 

So again, why am I the bad guy here?

 

no one said you were "bad" - only encouraging you to be honest with her to create the least amount of harm. leave no room for her to wonder.

 

This seems to be the case of her wanting more too soon.

 

of course. so simply tell her what you DO or DON'T want. that fixes all her delusions and then she can decide how she wants to participate - or not.

[depplover_1980]

Also wanted to note that we had sex on a Fri night. When leaving that night she inquired about my availability Saturday, the very next day. When I told her she only SUGGESTED that MAYBE we could hang out, her exact words. My reply was neutral "we'll see". That Saturday I didn't ignore her, I managed to stay in touch via text msging. While txting , she did not bring up hanging out that night, so I did my own thing for the night.

 

SHE DIDN'T ASK HIM TO HANG ALL DAY!! It is as much her responsibility to push the 'date' as his.

[zengirl]

I did answer her. I told her I would see since I wasn't sure if I wanted to see her a 2nd day in a row.

 

Well, that's an ******* thing to say. It's not being an ******* to have plans, but it is to set limits on days you can see someone or whatnot. It screams, "I don't want you to get the idea you're important."

 

We're not together, I really don't owe her anything.

 

To me, this attitude is the attitude of a jerk. You don't care about her feelings because you're not together. Well, okay. But she doesn't owe you anything, including a promise to not get upset about it and call you an *******.

 

There shouldn't HAVE TO be communication to the extent she wants this early. The only relationship we have is a FWB one, if that. So again, why am I the bad guy here? This seems to be the case of her wanting more too soon.

 

Yes, you want different things. To me, people who don't explicitly spell out that sex is NSA and then want NSA are jerks. Regardless of gender. She obviously has feelings for you. You find women disposable, so have no feelings (from what you say). She's better off without you. What's the problem? That she's mad about it? Get over it.

 

Surely if the roles were reversed all of you hostile posters would most likely tell me to take a couple steps back, cause I'm being too clingy, which is exactly what she's doing.

 

I wouldn't find a guy too clingy for wanting to hang out the next day and if a girl approached him with the attitude you display, I'd think the same.

 

And it's not projection. It's assessment. I am assessing you, based on your own words in this thread, and saying: You sound like a guy who was acting like an *******, so that's why you're the *******. As someone else said: Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck. . . maybe it's a duck.

[Ometeotl]

Well, that's an ******* thing to say. It's not being an ******* to have plans, but it is to set limits on days you can see someone or whatnot. It screams, "I don't want you to get the idea you're important."

 

 

 

To me, this attitude is the attitude of a jerk. You don't care about her feelings because you're not together. Well, okay. But she doesn't owe you anything, including a promise to not get upset about it and call you an *******.

 

 

 

Yes, you want different things. To me, people who don't explicitly spell out that sex is NSA and then want NSA are jerks. Regardless of gender. She obviously has feelings for you. You find women disposable, so have no feelings (from what you say). She's better off without you. What's the problem? That she's mad about it? Get over it.

 

 

 

I wouldn't find a guy too clingy for wanting to hang out the next day and if a girl approached him with the attitude you display, I'd think the same.

 

And it's not projection. It's assessment. I am assessing you, based on your own words in this thread, and saying: You sound like a guy who was acting like an *******, so that's why you're the *******. As someone else said: Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck. . . maybe it's a duck.

 

Hold up, lemme grab an advil.

 

Ight, I just want to point how Zen you really are.

 

Deep breathes, woosow

[2sunny]

Hold up, lemme grab an advil.

 

Ight, I just want to point how Zen you really are.

 

Deep breathes, woosow

 

and exactly how is this helpful?

[zengirl]

Hold up, lemme grab an advil.

 

Ight, I just want to point how Zen you really are.

 

Deep breathes, woosow

 

Not upset about it. Zen is about acceptance. (Well, and all sorts of things, like meditation, which don't apply on a message board. I do meditate daily.)

 

I accept the fact that the OP is an *******, and it doesn't really bother me one bit. But I also speak the truth as I see it. The OP doesn't seem to 'accept' what has happened --- the girl thinking he's an *******. Makes perfect sense to me. He sounds like one.

[Ometeotl]

and exactly how is this helpful?

 

Look up the health benefits of deep breathing, they are tremendous.

 

Great way to relieve stress, very soothing, calming and enjoyable. Just talking about has a relaxing effect.

 

Now, you can use paypal to send me a monetary exchange for advice of this quality. Or I can keep all the good Karma to myself, I prefer to share, but thats me.

 

You are very welcome and I am glad we had this talk.

[Ometeotl]

Not upset about it. Zen is about acceptance. (Well, and all sorts of things, like meditation, which don't apply on a message board. I do meditate daily.)

 

I accept the fact that the OP is an *******, and it doesn't really bother me one bit. But I also speak the truth as I see it. The OP doesn't seem to 'accept' what has happened --- the girl thinking he's an *******. Makes perfect sense to me. He sounds like one.

 

Wow Lady, I never said if you where upset or not, YOU SAID THAT.

 

I accept that fact that you are upset and in denial about it and trying to project that on me. Doesn't bother me.

 

Namaste

[Seamless74]

Look man this is just basic human male female dynamics at play here.. I think most of us guys have been there at one point "hopefully" u know playing the no strings FWB card all the time being the jerk the ******* role whatever..

 

 

Yes, in theory you should be upfront with all the women you meet and have sexual relations with.. Yes you should answer all their questions honestly and all that.. But in reality its alot more difficutl because.. its impossible to deal with all the drama. In other words if he said no i dont want to hang out with you tomorrow who knows how she was going to react coulda gone crazy, crying, u know all that typa ****.. I think most of us at one point or another take the "easy" way out to avoid drama..

 

 

So hey on the plus side if your looking for being the FWB type guy and are in that period of your life I would say your on the right track. If youve got girls calling you a jerk and ******* and still wanting to hang out with you and have sex with you.. man you can play out that string for a LOONNNG time with some females.. particularly those type of females that are going through the similar phase where they believe all cool guys are supposed to treat them like ****...

 

 

But there is a downside bro... Hell man ill even give you a glimpse into the future.. Keep this type of behavior up.. and eventually your gonna find a FWB that you sex quite often and will rely on... u know spend all night trying to meet new women and telling everybody your single "kind of" then always coming home and booty calling the same girl which may go on for some time then one day shes gonna say the store is closed and your not gonna get any until your in a relationship... Alot of times the guys buys into it and commits and then the girl dumps you cold... Beware FWB will effect your game and leave you emotionally stunted over time..

 

 

and its not very nice to be mean to nice girls... (even though they demand sometimes??)

Edited February 2, 2011 by Seamless74

[SmileFace]

 

Ok I am going to keep this short. The bold-ed words are mine. The underlined text is what makes you come across as an *******

 

Cause of this, the need/urge to get with a woman isn't as evident, in fact, one is more laid back and nonchalant with women. I hardly chase them, and keep the compliments few..because in the back of my mind, I know that if I want a woman, all I have to do is go out and get one.

 

This can be a problem who wants to be treated like this. Who wants to disposable to someone.

 

When there's a relationship in it's beginning stages with a woman, they tend to get insecure with me. They'll tell me things like "you must have all the women after you" or "you seem like a playboy", things of that sort. I'm a straight forward guy, and like mentioned before, pretty laid back when it comes to women because I know where I stand amongst other men...and my apparent level of attraction with women.

 

Stop dating insecure people.

 

But why is this bad? How come women just write me off as a jerk or some player?

 

Because having the mind set that women are disposable makes you jerk

 

Was involved with a nice young lady a couple of weeks ago. We used to chit chat, but had a fall out and didn't speak for about 5 months. We recently linked up again, and after a week of talking, we had sex. When I was leaving she inquired about my schedule the day after, I gave it to her, she said "cool we should hang out or something".

 

What did you chat about in this week? Did you give her any idea that you may be looking for a relationship?

 

Fast forward to the next day, she's texting me while I'm at work. Conversation is playful and flirty but neither she nor I bring up hanging out for the night, in fact, I went to hang out with my friend that night.

 

She already mentioned she wants to hang out. She expects you to make plans , but you don't want to since you have no intention of seeing her two days in a row.

 

The next day while doing homework, sent her a text asking her for this really cute picture she had. She replied "No. Not after you ditched me last night. I don't know why I even like you, in fact, I don't like you. You're an *******. Every other guy would be all over me, but you just **** me and leave."

 

She is bat **** crazy for that text.

 

Shocked, I plead my case, she just wasn't having it.

 

 

hmm....

......I mean.....what the hell man?

 

hmm....

 

Having a hard time understanding why when I don't behave like a desperate horny buffoon...I get punished for it.

 

She doesn't want you to act like a horny buffoon. You slept with her and now are acting like it means nothing. Did you guys ever discuss that this was just a FWB situation? If you didn't she is merely confused. If you did - run far far away because then she is bat **** crazy.

 

Obviously I'm laid back with women because it's not hard for me to get women, but that doesn't make me an *******. So why do I catch these negative labels on an occasional basis?

 

Yes this does make you an *******. It isn't actually a bad thing exactly.

 

Is there something I'm missing here? Should I be filling her head with compliments, constantly contacting her? What the hell bro.

 

If you want a relationship with this girl. Some of this should be happening but I think your problem is that you keep getting involved with girls and not actually clearly identify where the relationship or non-relationship may be going.

 

I think your problem is communication. Wanting to have sex with the girl and not contact her after is fine but she should know this , not just you.

And damn this thread really needs cliff notes. I only read the O.P, ok

[zengirl]

Wow Lady, I never said if you where upset or not, YOU SAID THAT.

 

I accept that fact that you are upset and in denial about it and trying to project that on me. Doesn't bother me.

 

Namaste

 

Not trying to project anything; just trying to interpert your weird post. What did you mean by it then?

Not upset in the least. Just think your post was odd, and I was addressing the best meaning I could garner from it.

[EricaH329]

OP, i'm a bit confused. Please let me know if i've summed everything up correctly.

 

You don't want a relationship, but you do want a FWB situation. You can get any girl you want, yet go for the ones who give it up the first time they meet you (or without having any solid reasoning that you two are dating)? Then, you wonder why they are insecure, and why you always get 'stuck' with these types of girls?

 

Please, correct me if I am wrong. There's a lot to read in this thread.