Ay Diesel T Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Genuinely good looking guy here. In good shape. From feedback, and what I can see, guess I'm quite the looker for the ladies... :S Cause of this, the need/urge to get with a woman isn't as evident, in fact, one is more laid back and non-chalant with women. I hardly chase them, and keep the compliments few..because in the back of my mind, I know that if I want a woman, all I have to do is go out and get one. When there's a relationship in it's beginning stages with a woman, they tend to get insecure with me. They'll tell me things like "you must have all the women after you" or "you seem like a playboy", things of that sort. I'm a straight forward guy, and like mentioned before, pretty laid back when it comes to women because I know where I stand amongst other men...and my apparent level of attraction with women. But why is this bad? How come women just write me off as a jerk or some player? Was involved with a nice young lady a couple of weeks ago. We used to chit chat, but had a fall out and didn't speak for about 5 months. We recently linked up again, and after a week of talking, we had sex. When I was leaving she inquired about my schedule the day after, I gave it to her, she said "cool we should hang out or something". Fast forward to the next day, she's texting me while I'm at work. Conversation is playful and flirty but neither she nor I bring up hanging out for the night, in fact, I went to hang out with my friend that night. The next day while doing homework, sent her a text asking her for this really cute picture she had. She replied "No. Not after you ditched me last night. I don't know why I even like you, in fact, I don't like you. You're an *******. Every other guy would be all over me, but you just **** me and leave." Shocked, I plead my case, she just wasn't having it. ......I mean.....what the hell man? Having a hard time understanding why when I don't behave like a desperate horny buffoon...I get punished for it. Obviously I'm laid back with women because it's not hard for me to get women, but that doesn't make me an *******. So why do I catch these negative labels on an occasional basis? Is there something I'm missing here? Should I be filling her head with compliments, constantly contacting her? What the hell bro.
2sunny Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 to play it cool is much different than what you are doing. you seem to with hold the emotions. women need to feel connected with a man. you may be lacking in that area - from what you type - you are so stuck on your looks that you seem to offer no emotional connection = therefor offering a woman no intimacy. what you offer isn't nearly enough. get real - down to being vulnerable and real. stop pretending with your guard up. and certainly stop the sex without any connection = it makes a gal feel you are using her. looks are nothing if the man is half there... in fact - i'll take an ugly man if his head and his heart are kind and loving and open. start with revamping your MO. you seem to be going about everything backwards. learn how to consider others feelings and viewpoint much more than your own. think of them more than yourself = then act accordingly... THEN you may earn a woman who has substance... and have a chance she may want to hang around for a while. it's hard to get rid of an ego as big as yours... counseling could help. happiness will allude you until you find a way to do all of the above with no effort. don't see this gal again... you'll be doing her a favor if you just stay away - at least until you do the work outlined above.
Jonno_S Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 You are not alone. Women do that rather than face what they perceive as inevitable rejection (even if it's the last thing on your mind.) That girl wanted a guy on a white horse to ride up, scoop her up and carry her away and anything less than that was just not acceptable. Women think about that **** all day and night. For every one thought you have about, say, what to wear, women have 30. Add an insecurity to that and 28 of those 30 thoughts are negative. How many women have confused your laid back attitude with being gay? It's happened to me too many times. You just have to stay away from those drama queens who are looking to throw you under the bus for no reason. Let them stew in their mess, don't let it bring you down to their level. Peace.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) to play it cool is much different than what you are doing. you seem to with hold the emotions. women need to feel connected with a man. you may be lacking in that area - from what you type - you are so stuck on your looks that you seem to offer no emotional connection = therefor offering a woman no intimacy. what you offer isn't nearly enough. get real - down to being vulnerable and real. stop pretending with your guard up. and certainly stop the sex without any connection = it makes a gal feel you are using her. looks are nothing if the man is half there... in fact - i'll take an ugly man if his head and his heart are kind and loving and open. start with revamping your MO. you seem to be going about everything backwards. learn how to consider others feelings and viewpoint much more than your own. think of them more than yourself = then act accordingly... THEN you may earn a woman who has substance... and have a chance she may want to hang around for a while. it's hard to get rid of an ego as big as yours... counseling could help. happiness will allude you until you find a way to do all of the above with no effort. don't see this gal again... you'll be doing her a favor if you just stay away - at least until you do the work outlined above. None of this is true. Seriously, this isn't even constructive criticism because it isn't even close to the kind of person I am. I'm not stuck on my looks. I'm just being honest, I'm attractive..brought it up because evidently it's an issue with women, and it's causing confusion. Edited February 1, 2011 by Ay Diesel T
fishtaco Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I don't see anything wrong. I know what I'm worth, and I know what I can do too. I don't think I have your charm, so I have to work harder than you do, but even someone like me can say... well, I can go out and get women. Because it's true. I may have to go through more women than you do before I can land a "yes", but I know how to do it, I've done it in the past, and I can do it again in the future, it's only a matter of cranking through the numbers. I've been called a player before too. I just shrug. I don't really care. It's better to be a player than a loser, so at least I'm erring on the better side. Somehow, I was called as arrogant too by LS people. Plus when sex comes into play, somehow men becomes automatically the predator, as if women get no joy from sex. But anyway, in this case, it's just a miscommunication. If she wanted to see you, she should have made definite plans. She sets up something that sounds tentative, then complains it didn't happen, then doesn't accept your explanation. So I'd say continue with the laid back attitude. If she flips out, let her flip out. Once she gets it out of her system maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. It's her decision. Meanwhile, there are plenty other women out there. But you already know that.
carhill Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 OP, did you view the young lady as relationship material? Are you interested in a LTR with a lady or is casual sex and hanging out OK? IMO, the way the lady responded would cause me to question her viability for a LTR. Very volatile. Since this dynamic appeared to cause you confusion, perhaps your relationship styles are incompatible. That said, you can consider progressing intimacy after you've had sex with a woman, assuming you're viewing her as relationship material. Proactively make those plans to get together and talk with her in person or on the phone the day after having sex/making love. It's all part of growing intimacy. Your physical attractiveness provides you options; it's up to you what you do with them. Good luck
LittleTiger Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Going by what you've written in your OP (because that's all I have to go on) I think you ARE hung up on your looks and you have zero respect for women. Being attractive to the opposite sex doesn't give you the right to take them for granted. When I was younger, if I wanted a man, all I had to do was go out and get one - I was lucky, I was born with exceptionally good genes. So what? Being good looking doesn't mean the people around you cease to have feelings. You're no better than any other man on the planet (except that your features are organised a little better - yay !) and, you make yourself sound far worse than most. You say that 2sunny is way off base? Well, from everything you've written that's the exact impression you've given me too. You come across as a self-obsessed player. The other replies you've had so far are from men. From a woman's perspective, you do sound like an ********! Stop pretending you didn't know this woman expected to see you that night. You did ditch her and you know you did. There's nothing wrong with having casual sex but you talk as though you're entitled to it and that you're entitled to 'no grief' afterwards. Your looks entitle you to nothing. You say you started this thread because you think your looks are an issue for women and it's causing confusion. Trust me, it's not your looks that are the issue. Whether you realise it or not your ego is oversized and that's not an attractive quality.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) OP, did you view the young lady as relationship material? Are you interested in a LTR with a lady or is casual sex and hanging out OK? IMO, the way the lady responded would cause me to question her viability for a LTR. Very volatile. Since this dynamic appeared to cause you confusion, perhaps your relationship styles are incompatible. That said, you can consider progressing intimacy after you've had sex with a woman, assuming you're viewing her as relationship material. Proactively make those plans to get together and talk with her in person or on the phone the day after having sex/making love. It's all part of growing intimacy. Your physical attractiveness provides you options; it's up to you what you do with them. Good luck I'm actually in search of a LTR. I don't mind casually messing around but I'd rather not date a woman who's okay with giving out her body like that. But with this woman that wasn't the case, nothing was the case, because I was just taking things day by day - no pressure. Edited February 1, 2011 by Ay Diesel T
depplover_1980 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 You were evasive about hanging out and she lacked the balls to mention it for fear of looking pushy - you were both to blame for the 'hang out' never happening. Her reaction the next day was way OTT, she should have played it cool and said 'how are you going to make it up to me?' Grab some value herself. But you asking for a picture of her knowing you didn't turn up was also stupid!! In my opinion you two are made for each other!!
bayouboi Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Don't listen to the uggos, you keep plowin' through 'em for the rest of us.
elastica Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Why do I even have to communicate with a woman the day after we've had sex? Wtf. Why must women assume that I have time for them throughout each and every one day out of the week. Sometimes I don't want to speak to women, nor my friends, some days I just want peace of mind. ADT, I think it is completely normal to want to have peace of mind and things like that. The reason why some people will tell you here that you are being an ass...le is because it seems you are not being clear to women about this. Even if you don't want to be in touch every day (it's totally fine), you still have to communicate somehow that you don't want to be in touch. You need to be honest about your intentions, if this is what you expect from others. I gave it to her, she said "cool we should hang out or something". Did you tell her you will probably not want to see her the next day? Or you didn't, because at that point you didn't know what will you want to do that night? You gave her you schedule, righ? You could have said, "sorry hun, I have some things to do... But we'll be in touch." Try to reverse the situation. You spend some time with a girl you like, you ask her is she free next day. She says yes, so you suggest to do something together. But the next day she simply pretends that you didn't even have the conversation. You would probably feel a bit played as well. Also, please understand that when you say you are "laughing" at LittleTiger and 2sunny makes your thread look a bit ridiculous. And the feminists talk doesn't make you look better either. If you can't handle an opinion, why starting a thread? Nobody will come and try to help you understand the situation you are in, if you are unable to reflect normally.
elastica Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Oooops... once again, a post has mysteriously disappeared from a thread... Whatever.
O'Malley Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 You say you started this thread because you think your looks are an issue for women and it's causing confusion. Trust me, it's not your looks that are the issue. Whether you realise it or not your ego is oversized and that's not an attractive quality. This is the crux of the matter. Both this woman and you may have miscommunicated your intentions to each other; you probably should have made clear if you were or were not interested in hanging out with her the next day and she should have mentioned a specific day and time she wanted to see you. However, your egotistical attitude comes across rather clearly to some people. You don't seem to have any insight into what common emotional/behavioral denominator may be causing these problems, other than your repeated claims of being more attractive than other men. This, in part, what makes some people perceive you as unattractive. Added to that is the subjective nature of attraction -- some people are going to turn you down outright because they don't find you physically attractive, and others will tune into the more egotistical elements of your personality and be turned off. Others will just find their needs or mindsets incompatible with yours and not feel your worth the time (as with this woman). I don't mind casually messing around but I'd rather not date a woman who's okay with giving out her body like that. So are you fine with being turned down by women because you also give out your body so easily? Your criteria should apply not only to the women you have sex with and date, but also yourself -- this displays a mindset that some people will find unattractive as well.
Woggle Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 They don't like the fact that emotionally you hold the cards in your dealings with women. They like to be the ones to have you on a string and lead you around and when they can't do that it makes them question whether they are hot enough or not. Keep doing what you are doing. It sure beats being some lovesick puppy wondering why a woman fell out of love with you.
muse08 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 looks are nothing if the man is half there... in fact - i'll take an ugly man if his head and his heart are kind and loving and open. start with revamping your MO. you seem to be going about everything backwards. learn how to consider others feelings and viewpoint much more than your own. think of them more than yourself = then act accordingly... THEN you may earn a woman who has substance... and have a chance she may want to hang around for a while. it's hard to get rid of an ego as big as yours... counseling could help. happiness will allude you until you find a way to do all of the above with no effort. don't see this gal again... you'll be doing her a favor if you just stay away - at least until you do the work outlined above. I agree with most of what you've said to OP accept that I think you're giving him too much credit by saying you'd take an "ugly" guy any day over someone like him. It's all well and good that he thinks he's good looking, but beauty really is relative and in the eyes of the beholder. Perhaps it's just me, but I tend to be more attracted to guys who look "different" and not what most people consider "fine". Especially if he's cocky or just mean spirited, I really could care less how much he works out or how sexy everybody else thinks he is. Ugly to one person may be sexy to be. FYI OP, looks can get old. So if you don't have heart and brains to go with it, you still miss the mark. Confidence looks good on anyone, even if the dude isn't the normal standard of aesthetics. IMO, i'll take a sexy, level headed, "different" looking kind of guy any day over some dude who thinks he's God's gift to women just because he has a banging body,smile, lips, chest,teeth, nose, etc... Seriously though, any woman can grow tired of you AND your looks when you aren't grounded or you think you're God's gift to women...come on now folk!
muse08 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 So are you fine with being turned down by women because you also give out your body so easily? Your criteria should apply not only to the women you have sex with and date' date=' but also yourself -- this displays a mindset that some people will find unattractive as well.[/quote'] Amen to that... Essentially how I feel. Some men don't realize that their attitude and cocky personality really does make them appear not so attractive at all...regardless of how much they workout or how fine they "think" they are... When a woman is insecure or desperate, then yes she may react like this chic did. However, when you have someone more grounded and who knows her own worth, she's not gonna waste those words on you. I don't think I'd spend much time talking to you about anything or wishing and hoping you bring up the fact that hanging out again was up in the air. Situations like that either happen or they don't...If a guy doesn't follow through, then you gotta it's best to let him go or wonder why I didn't bring it up. Most women still like a man to take charge. When you're sitting back like a lil boy waiting for the lady to initiate stuff all day long, you really are making yourself appear...questionable. When it's time to go hang w/the boys do you sit back and wait for them to initiate stuff all the time? So why take that sadistic attitude w/females? OP made it clear that he's laid back b/c he thinks he can basically have his pick of the litter. So if he equates looks with greatness then yes he may be right. But for anyone who values more then looks, they know that it takes more to get a woman with more than just looks...but confidence, brains, sense of humor, guts to not waste time w/you when you feel like you don't really have to work to have a good woman on your team.
2sunny Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 None of this is true. Seriously, this isn't even constructive criticism because it isn't even close to the kind of person I am. I'm not stuck on my looks. I'm just being honest, I'm attractive..brought it up because evidently it's an issue with women, and it's causing confusion. so if you are causing harm to women - what is it that you CAN do to change that? IF you DO things the same - knowing that it causes harm to others (and to yourself) - then what EXACTLY CAN YOU DO that may give you a different result? the way YOU participate is key - IF you want the change you refer to. what are YOU going to change?
muse08 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 ...what are YOU going to change? I don't think he's going to change anything. I don't even think that "change" is his motivation for this thread. I was however, glad to hear him say to another poster that his attitude isn't quite as arrogant as the other poster was trying to suggest as their own. But yea, I feel like Ay Diesel T basically came here to gloat about how great women think he is and how he plans on "flourishing" with his laid back approach.
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 Elastica, forgive me but I removed the post, felt it was a bit offensive to the poster I was replying to. Some posts in here will not be addressed, personally, because I feel they don't need to be. When assumptions are being made left and right, I really do just laugh because most of it is nowhere close to spot on. So let me elaborate on the scenario with this girl. About half a year ago we met, first time we hung out she let me hit it. Ok cool, I was bit cautious, cause usually girls like that are trouble some way or another. After that night, we continued to talk but she was cautious to see me. Her reasoning was that she doesn't usually put out easy like that and she doesn't want me to just hit her up for sex. At the time, I was a bit taken aback, thought she was trying to squeeze what she wanted out of me through the power of what's between her legs. I told her that, we agreed to disagree and went our seperate ways. Between then and 3 weeks ago, I had a couple girls here and there, nothing serious just casual fun. After just getting rid of this one woman I was seeing, she hit me up. So we got re-acquainted, went to go see her spent hours in front of her house just chit chattin. A week after that she invited me over for a movie, so I agree. We just laid cuddle up talking and watching the movie. She said that she didn't want to have sex just chill out, which was cool with me. But no sex doesn't mean we can't tease each other. So we had this little game going, who could resist who. She lost easily when I...well...she lost lol. So we end up having sex w/o protection, and stopped before things really started going because it wasn't smart to continue what we started (We're both clean, just don't want a pregnancy mishap *last time we had sex she was late by a week*) After that we part but before I leave she specifically asked me "What are you doing tomorrow?" I told her I worked 3 to 9 and after that I'm free. She replied "Cool, we should hang out or something." I'm not a 100% sure what I said because I wasn't sober, but I know it wasn't a definite yes...something along the lines of "We'll see, hit me up." So while I'm at work we're texting, and continued to text after I left work but neither one of us said anything about meeting up for the night, me cause I really didn't want to see her that night (decision made while at work, was unsure the night before that's why I said we'll see). After work I ended up chilling with friends. So the day after, while doing homework I remembered this really cute pic she showed me on her phone, and asked for it. That's when she told me I ditched her, I'm an *******, etc... Now. The night I spent with her, the one before we had sex, we even brought LTR up. I told her, that while I'm not looking for a LTR, I'm also open to one. I told her that I personally believe it's better not to put pressure on things and force a relationship because that's what she was trying to do. She had some major issue going on and wanted me to drop everything I was doing to see her on a school night. I told her I was busy and she sent me a snappy text back saying "OK FINE. Had a horrible day and I just wanted to spend it with someone but whatever..you're busy." So continuing on our talk outside of her house, I told her that it was pretty unfair for her to be upset with me as she knows I'm a pretty busy guy. Her argument was that if I wasn't here for her now when we're not together, I wouldn't be if we were together. Smirking I told her that she just needs to relax, and take it easy. That jumping to conclusions wasn't healthy for the both of us. She agreed, said that we'll just go with the flow and take it day by day. I told her it was best, no need to force a relationship now when we have the time to grow together. I'm guessing after sex, she wanted to lock me down. I'm not a player. I'm not an *******. I'm honest in everything I do, at least I try to be. So when I made the post saying I'm attractive, it wasn't to gloat. It's because I am, and I genuinely think it's a problem when dealing with younger women who tend to be insecure. Just as I was honest here, I was honest with her about wanting to take things slow. So when she wanted to see me the very night after, I was iffy about it. I wanted to as well, but I didn't want to rush things. So the day after we had sex, the day she wanted to see me, I made up my mind I wasn't because it was too much too soon, at least for me. Again, I felt like I didn't have to explain that to her seeing as I already have even BEFORE we had sex. On top of that, there were no plans made for us to see each other that night, we only talked about it as a POSSIBILITY. So for her to flip and call me an *******, as well as a couple posters on this board. It's funny but annoying at the same time, especially when those poster's don't know the whole story. But that's my fault for not going into full detail, as I was in a rush late last night - when I made the thread. As far as the posts slandering me, calling out crazy assumptions, and all the belittling, to those posters, I ask that you just stop now because I will not address you in this thread. I made that mistake, and edited the post but somebody already caught it, it's all good. I just prefer to not even stoop to that level, and instead stand above it. If you haven't noticed, I've only replied to a couple posters who've remained neutral on the topic.
PeachyPink Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 No, You've replied to people who have told you what you wanted to hear, or who have not told you things you do not want to hear. I know that if I want a woman, all I have to do is go out and get one. <snip> How come women just write me off as a jerk or some player? Because you act like one. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. Confidence is one thing, arrogance is another. Most people are put off by arrogance. Your posts portray you to be very arrogant. Why is that?
Woggle Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 What do you want this guy to do? Should he respect women and fall in love only to be cheated on with a jerk or a player when she gets grass is greener syndrome? Is that what you want this guy to do?
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 My guess is some women are put off by the fact that they can be easily replaced when dealing with a man whom the general public finds attractive. Not sure why they get so stirred up in a bad way when dealing with a man who's also got a lot of options on the table. But to be honest, it's only a taste of their own medicine. Some of the hottest girls I know value men very little and actually keep a few sort of how tools would fit into a tool belt - they just utilize men, because Men are so easily obtainable to them. Admitting that women are easily obtainable shouldn't necessarily place you in this category, because if it's the truth it's the truth. No need to sugar coat or act oblivious to it, but there's also no need to make that the core of your personality and abuse it, as many attractive women do.
PeachyPink Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 What do you want this guy to do? Should he respect women and fall in love only to be cheated on with a jerk or a player when she gets grass is greener syndrome? Is that what you want this guy to do?I'm not sure if the comment is addressed to me, but I will answer you. I want the guy to act like a gentleman. He can not control what a woman does, but he can control what woman he chooses and how he chooses to treat her. Choose wisely, treat kindly. It's good advice.
GooseChaser Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I don't mean any offense, but I'm going to make a few edits to Woggle's post to show it could go both ways. Say that this thread was about a girl... What do you want this girl to do? Should she respect men and fall in love only to be cheated on with a jerk or a player when he gets grass is greener syndrome? Is that what you want this girl to do? I don't know about you, but that's a depressing way of approaching life. If no one trusts each other, it makes the world a much colder place. Is THAT what we want?
Author Ay Diesel T Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 I'm not sure if the comment is addressed to me, but I will answer you. I want the guy to act like a gentleman. He can not control what a woman does, but he can control what woman he chooses and how he chooses to treat her. Choose wisely, treat kindly. It's good advice. Well a gentleman is what I strive to be, and it shows through my actions, maybe not so much through my text. I'm everything but disrespectful to a woman when I'm around them, upset with them, in love with them..you get the point. As far as the women I choose, that's totally up to my preference, not your opinion. So how is what you think would be a good match for me even relevant to my level of chivalry or gentleman-like demeanor? What are you implying about this woman then?
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