zeitcrunch Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) Me and my ex dated for nearly a year before breaking up 9 days ago, it wasn't a bad breakup, my exs main reason was because she was afraid we were starting to lose our spark and she didn't know if I was ready to commit to an "adult relationship." She's a year older than me but we're both graduating from college this May. I don't fault her for either of these things, since we broke up I've learned that I did some of the classic things that guys do wrong in relationships (putting her on a pedestal, losing self-confidence, not being as decisive as I should have been) that make me seem less attractive to her. Now this was only my second long term girlfriend so I didn't handle the initial news so well and showed some negative traits like begging a little bit and asking for another chance and more time. I didn't know this was the wrong thing to do until the next day when I spent hours searching online for articles and reading eBooks on how to win her back. My first course of action was to cut off all contact with her. I ended contact on Sunday and for three days after that she contacted me in some way everyday. On Wednesday she called and told me she missed me and asked if I wanted to hang out, I had things to do so I couldn't but the next day she asked me to sleep over after work (we both work at a bar) and against my better judgement I did. Her saying she missed me and wanting to hang out so soon after breaking up led me to believe that she'd also want to be intimate with me at least to a small degree, but when I slept over she didn't even really want to kiss me and only gave me a kiss on the cheek when I left the next morning. She was out of town for the next two days but on Sunday we ran errands together (I've been taking care of her pet rabbit, so we got him food) and went to lunch. The morning didn't go well partly because she wasn't going well but after lunch I went to her place and we played some games, watched a movie, had dinner together and generally had a good time. I asked her if I could spend the night (probably not the best idea) and she agreed. We cuddled and kissed for a little bit but she still wasn't very into it even after a good day. That brings us to today. We had a talk and she told me that she can tell I'm trying to fix the problems we had, and she doesn't feel frustrated by small things I do anymore but she also says she doesn't feel a physical spark with me. She says she thinks it's partly because she's had a lot on her mind and been really busy with school (which she has) and she doesn't think the spark is something that will never come back, but she wants to be alone for a while. So that's my dilemma, to me it seems that emotionally she's almost ready to be back with me, but physically she's not and I don't know how to get her back there, and I have a time crunch because we had planned on living together, so I only have about 5 months before she leaves for her job. . Right now my plan is to restart No Contact and just try to go out and have fun, maybe meeting some new girls a long the way to hopefully make her a little afraid she's going to lose me. If any one has any advice, experience from a similar situation, or questions that I can clear up please let me know and I really appreciate any help. Thanks everyone! Edited February 1, 2011 by zeitcrunch added more detail
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