wbr4p Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 hi sundaygirl, i posted a -very long, almost a novel- response to ur thread but i put in the 'coping' section, because i wanted to share it with a lot of other people. what ur going through is not easy, but i can tell ur a lot stronger than i was and i commend u for keeping ur head high and having ur pride intact. dont worry, ure gorgeous i bet and it is harder for men to find a suitable replacement. meh, even if he finds a girl who u think is prettier, she might never love him as much as u did. and u'd have way bigger chances of finding the right guy now this one is out of the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Joe Normal Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 (edited) Hello everyone! I find myself suddenly (very suddenly!) single after a 5 month LDR. There were no arguments, I had no warnings, picked up on no signals that anything was amiss (I am very intuituve so this is a shock to me) and it strikes me as all being very hasty.] Intuition doesn't work well over long distances. You need face to face contact to read body language. Most communication is non-verbal. Also, people hide their feelings. You only know a part of what someone is thinking, not the whole. In this case, it's a shock because he didn't tell you until now. Most likely he's had doubts for at least a few weeks or more. This is common in long distance relationships. It sucks to be far from someone you care about. It's frustrating, painful, and confusing. It is perfectly normal to get sick of this and want to end it, even if the person themselves is absolutely perfect. If one or other moving to be together as a couple is not possible, then ending it is the only solution to feeling like crap. That's probably all there is to it. Even if he's met someone else, the cause is almost certainly the distance issue. I'll never understand why people think that LDRs are anything other than failure-prone. A successful one is the exception, not the norm. Not being dumped is the exception, not the form. Couples who are in love have problems even when they are separated for a week or so. In LDRs you are separated all the time, and only meet for a week or so. Doesn't take Einstein to figure out this may cause issues. IMO no need to over-analyze this. You're in a LDR. Usually they suck, and usually they end in failure and heartbreak. Your ex almost certainly made a correct decision, because you live thousands of miles away and there's no immediate prospect of that changing. That's the brutal truth. Edited February 6, 2011 by Joe Normal Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 i just want to comment on ldrs. trust me they can work out and i know more that do/did than dont. they cant work forever..but they certainly work. its up to the 2 individuals. i was in one that lasted 10 years. but he did hide his feelings for the last 4 ones. but he married someone who lived in Mexico...they were ldr and he met her in august...(but talked to her before that online and phone) and then married her in December. 4 months later. i know another who married a girl from the Philippians after talking to her for a year. these people went out of their way to bring the woman from their country into the USA. but yes LDR's cant go on indefinitely. yes for the record..most men like to chase a woman instead of the other way around...it was kinda up to him to ask you to be exclusive. (but i think in this case LDR you have to ask them where you stand more than if you see them in person everyday) there has to be some kind of guarantee or promise youre safe with them..."while" apart. LDR's cant work indefinitely i dont think. but they can work for a long time as long as there is a real goal to get together permanently. he was not giving you that goal. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 i meant to say that when we werent together..he got married. just trying to say LDR's can work. but they have to be going somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 omg this is SO embarrassing. i got my wires crossed in my brain . i was writing to you sunday...but youre thread is also similar to someone LDR on here but who asked her LDR b/f to be exclusive with her. so the first half of the message was for YOU..and i should have written the second half for her. gosh i need a wee bit more sleep. sorry for the error. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SundayGirl Posted February 12, 2011 Author Share Posted February 12, 2011 IfIKnewThen... That made me lol so much! Brightened my day - don't be embarrassed! Gator, and everyone who's replied to me, thank you so much. You re all so kind and supportive. It's been2 wks and my hope is fading, a heavy saddness settling in my heart. I tried to text him for his address to post back some stuff and I got the no. wrong. Probably a blessing. I miss him today- his big man hands all chapped and sore. I don't know why I miss his freaking dry skin on his hands!! But I do.... I think the approaching valentines day is messing me up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SundayGirl Posted February 12, 2011 Author Share Posted February 12, 2011 As well as the heartache I have ab-ache from the gym. I'll have a sixpack and noone to admire it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SundayGirl Posted February 12, 2011 Author Share Posted February 12, 2011 I'm just so tired of having to let go of people that I love. Is that all there is to life? Connecting, caring, loving and then having to let go? When do we get to keep people? Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Quote [i'm just so tired of having to let go of people that I love. Is that all there is to life? Connecting, caring, loving and then having to let go? When do we get to keep people? ] wow my daughter says the same thing. she has had a very rough year too. was living with the love of her life..to finding him acting strange towards the end of the year and long story short he was up to no good. she is on her own now, and is so sad and struggling with valentines day and saying the same thing as you. but i know that both you girls will be fine..somehow and will get through this. and will have that chance to keep people as you say. keep the faith. keep believing...dont let anyone take that spirit from you. there will be love again Link to post Share on other sites
Author SundayGirl Posted February 12, 2011 Author Share Posted February 12, 2011 I'm sorry your daughter is hurting too. What a hard situation to be in. I hope she's alright. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SundayGirl Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 ANOTHER dream about him calling and texting- and then I check my phone and nothing. It's horrible. Maybe he's waiting for me to make the first move because he asked me to be friends and I said i didn't think we could be , that I didn't know. Maybe he thinks I don't want to hear from him. Link to post Share on other sites
sammyd Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 As well as the heartache I have ab-ache from the gym. I'll have a sixpack and noone to admire it. I'm so jealous!! That's my aim for this year (even if just to take a pic quickly while it lasts!! haha!) Link to post Share on other sites
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