CSU Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 My story is rather long but I'll try to make it short. I had met a guy in the summer of '08 we started talking and things were going great even though we lived in two different states. Probably around my bday I got scared because I saw my letting my guard around him and it frighten me so I ignored any kind of contact with him. When I was back home from around dec. '08 I sent a text apologizing for my actions and we started talking again but when I got back to school he had changed his number and I had wrote it down so that I wouldn't forget it but I had threw it away by accident so I went the whole semester not talking to him. When I got home for the summer I found him on myspace and told him what had happened. He understood and we started talking yet again. Then around thanksgiving of '09 I did something really stupid and got sent to the hospital and a recovery center so I didn't have my phone at all. When I finally got out around March or April of 2010 I got my phone back and saw that he had texted me late that night when I was in the hospital obviously I couldn't respond so he thought I was ignoring him again. I went on his myspace to write him because I wasn't ready to just send him a text message but before I did that he had a status saying that he gonna be a dad and he's getting married. I was shattered. I was shattered because it wasn't long before that he was asking me about my dream wedding and he told me he was going to buy me a ring and that he wanted me to move in with him. Now I know I shouldn't have expected him to wait around on me I didn't expect that at all. Finally one day after contemplating about whether or not I wanted to talk to him my friend said I should at least congratulate him, so I did and in return he called me and told me everything. He had met the girl in December and she had a crush on him but she didn't do anything because he was constantly on the phone with me. After about two weeks of dating she had gotten pregnant and after they had found out he decided to marry her. His reasoning behind that was because he didn't want a child out of wedlock and that the pieces fell into the right place. All I could say was congrats. On the inside however I was breaking. I had never been heartbroken before, it was extremely hard to hold back tears. He then asked me what had happened to me. I told him everything. He kinda jokingly said that he thought I was ignoring him. So we talked for an hour or so. He told me he talked to his friends about me a lot and that he was worried about me and all that kind of stuff. I thought it was sweet but I didn't know if that should mean anything anymore. Although all of that was 2 almost 3 years ago it still hurts. I honestly did think that I was over him and I didn't have any feelings for him but I still do obviously. How do I know? Because my friend was talking to me on Saturday night and he asked me about him and we started talking about it and I guess I had bottled all my feelings about it and didn't realized it was going to come back one day. Since that night I haven't been able to stop crying or thinking about it because I don't understand how you can sit there and tell one person that you could honestly see a future with them and try to visit them while they're at a school, that you basically want to marry them and all that, then turn around and get some girl pregnant in less than two weeks then marry them in less than 6 months I don't understand. I don't understand how you can constantly talk to your friends about someone 24/7 and then do that. I don't. Even as i sit here and write this, it hurts because I know there was hard feelings on both ends. I know there were. I didn't expect to still have feelings, I didn't expect to have all these emotions to come back. I don't know how to cope anymore. I just want pick up my phone and call him to tell him how I feel but I don't because there are feelings on my part and it would be hard to talk to him and its not in my place to so I do nothing. I do nothing but cry and try to live my life like he never existed but its hard and I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I don't know if there are feelings on his part but there has to be something if you could sit there and tell your buddies that you still care for a girl who keeps on dropping off the face of the earth and that you think about her everyday. Idk it just kills me and its been almost a year since I last talked to him but it sucks and I'm hurt really hurt...
stopthemadness Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 My story is rather long but I'll try to make it short. I had met a guy in the summer of '08 we started talking and things were going great even though we lived in two different states. Probably around my bday I got scared because I saw my letting my guard around him and it frighten me so I ignored any kind of contact with him. When I was back home from around dec. '08 I sent a text apologizing for my actions and we started talking again but when I got back to school he had changed his number and I had wrote it down so that I wouldn't forget it but I had threw it away by accident so I went the whole semester not talking to him. When I got home for the summer I found him on myspace and told him what had happened. He understood and we started talking yet again. Then around thanksgiving of '09 I did something really stupid and got sent to the hospital and a recovery center so I didn't have my phone at all. When I finally got out around March or April of 2010 I got my phone back and saw that he had texted me late that night when I was in the hospital obviously I couldn't respond so he thought I was ignoring him again. I went on his myspace to write him because I wasn't ready to just send him a text message but before I did that he had a status saying that he gonna be a dad and he's getting married. I was shattered. I was shattered because it wasn't long before that he was asking me about my dream wedding and he told me he was going to buy me a ring and that he wanted me to move in with him. Now I know I shouldn't have expected him to wait around on me I didn't expect that at all. Finally one day after contemplating about whether or not I wanted to talk to him my friend said I should at least congratulate him, so I did and in return he called me and told me everything. He had met the girl in December and she had a crush on him but she didn't do anything because he was constantly on the phone with me. After about two weeks of dating she had gotten pregnant and after they had found out he decided to marry her. His reasoning behind that was because he didn't want a child out of wedlock and that the pieces fell into the right place. All I could say was congrats. On the inside however I was breaking. I had never been heartbroken before, it was extremely hard to hold back tears. He then asked me what had happened to me. I told him everything. He kinda jokingly said that he thought I was ignoring him. So we talked for an hour or so. He told me he talked to his friends about me a lot and that he was worried about me and all that kind of stuff. I thought it was sweet but I didn't know if that should mean anything anymore. Although all of that was 2 almost 3 years ago it still hurts. I honestly did think that I was over him and I didn't have any feelings for him but I still do obviously. How do I know? Because my friend was talking to me on Saturday night and he asked me about him and we started talking about it and I guess I had bottled all my feelings about it and didn't realized it was going to come back one day. Since that night I haven't been able to stop crying or thinking about it because I don't understand how you can sit there and tell one person that you could honestly see a future with them and try to visit them while they're at a school, that you basically want to marry them and all that, then turn around and get some girl pregnant in less than two weeks then marry them in less than 6 months I don't understand. I don't understand how you can constantly talk to your friends about someone 24/7 and then do that. I don't. Even as i sit here and write this, it hurts because I know there was hard feelings on both ends. I know there were. I didn't expect to still have feelings, I didn't expect to have all these emotions to come back. I don't know how to cope anymore. I just want pick up my phone and call him to tell him how I feel but I don't because there are feelings on my part and it would be hard to talk to him and its not in my place to so I do nothing. I do nothing but cry and try to live my life like he never existed but its hard and I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I don't know if there are feelings on his part but there has to be something if you could sit there and tell your buddies that you still care for a girl who keeps on dropping off the face of the earth and that you think about her everyday. Idk it just kills me and its been almost a year since I last talked to him but it sucks and I'm hurt really hurt... So sorry for your pain. Sometimes timing is everything. And in this case it sounds like alot of bad timing. Wish him well. When ever you think of him, send him Love and Light and forget about it. Hang in there, it gets better....
WTRanger Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Having been on his side, dealing with someone you really care about just dropping off the face of the Earth, I can tell you that it goes old fast. It's annoying, hurtful, frustrating, and just God awful. Once you are back in contact, all you do is wait for the other shoe to drop. The trust erodes away along with any patience. You try and try, until one day you've had enough. You really need to focus on yourself. You need to figure out why, if he is so great, did you run away from him when you felt yourself getting close. You need to work on accepting things for where they are now. You need to find peace with things. It feels as if you kept running away from your feelings and running away from him. You can't live your life like that. Running away from feelings, or any life issue, is like running away from a tree. That tree will always be there, and it will never stop growing. Sorry for your loss, but he got away from you. You said you didn't expect him to wait around and he didn't. You can't hold that against him. For all he knew when he met the other girl was that you were long gone again. This is one of those things in life where you need to trust that all of this is happening for the best. You may not see it now, but trust me, this is for the best. Somehow, someway, the Universe always works in a positive manner.
Author CSU Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 That's what I'm trying to do and I thought really, honestly that I had come to terms with this but I think I bottled up any emotions and feelings for him and about this and put to side thinking that it would never come back but I guess I haven't and i just feel like its a never ending road. So sorry for your pain. Sometimes timing is everything. And in this case it sounds like alot of bad timing. Wish him well. When ever you think of him, send him Love and Light and forget about it. Hang in there, it gets better....
Author CSU Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 I understand what you're saying and I'll admit that it was wrong for me to do what I did to him I didn't mean to and the last time we talked he told me he was hurt and that he never lost feelings for me and all that he was just worried and there were times where he did want to get in contact with me but he chose not to. I feel bad and I know I missed out on an oppurtunity. I have been working on myself been trying to keep my mind distracted but clearly its not working and I thought about why I kept on running away from him. I kept on running away from him because I didn't want to get hurt because any relationship my family goes through they always end up hurt and I didn't want that happen to me. When he asked me why I kept on doing that I told him why and I apologized for my actions. I don't put him moving on against him. It happened and all I can do is live my life, but it hurts and it'll always suck that I let him go. Having been on his side, dealing with someone you really care about just dropping off the face of the Earth, I can tell you that it goes old fast. It's annoying, hurtful, frustrating, and just God awful. Once you are back in contact, all you do is wait for the other shoe to drop. The trust erodes away along with any patience. You try and try, until one day you've had enough. You really need to focus on yourself. You need to figure out why, if he is so great, did you run away from him when you felt yourself getting close. You need to work on accepting things for where they are now. You need to find peace with things. It feels as if you kept running away from your feelings and running away from him. You can't live your life like that. Running away from feelings, or any life issue, is like running away from a tree. That tree will always be there, and it will never stop growing. Sorry for your loss, but he got away from you. You said you didn't expect him to wait around and he didn't. You can't hold that against him. For all he knew when he met the other girl was that you were long gone again. This is one of those things in life where you need to trust that all of this is happening for the best. You may not see it now, but trust me, this is for the best. Somehow, someway, the Universe always works in a positive manner.
WTRanger Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Getting into a relationship with anyone will always have a risk of getting hurt. You just have to ask yourself if that person is worth it. But everything we do in life has a risk. Driving a car, eating (you could choke), skydiving, flying on a plane, etc. Everything we do carries a risk of failure, but you can't dwell on that. You can't always put your food through a blender to make a fine paste so you don't risk choking on it. If there is that fear of getting hurt, I would suggest therapy. They can do wonders.
Author CSU Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 I did go see someone and they did help me and we spent hours talking about everything and I shedded a lot of tears and it did help but it just sucks to know that my actions caused me to miss out on something that could have been so special. Getting into a relationship with anyone will always have a risk of getting hurt. You just have to ask yourself if that person is worth it. But everything we do in life has a risk. Driving a car, eating (you could choke), skydiving, flying on a plane, etc. Everything we do carries a risk of failure, but you can't dwell on that. You can't always put your food through a blender to make a fine paste so you don't risk choking on it. If there is that fear of getting hurt, I would suggest therapy. They can do wonders.
WTRanger Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 It's going to take more than hours to get to the root of it and actually make lasting changes in your ideals toward relationships.
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