aerogurl87 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 So my boyfriend is coming to visit this weekend (woohoo! ) but I now have a bit of a dilemma. My boyfriend wants me to stay with him at his hotel all weekend, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea due to my parents. They're extremely conservative and believe a woman and man who aren't married shouldn't spend the night together alone. Now I'm 21 and I know most people are probably thinking "you're an adult so you should be able to do what you want no matter what they say" and I should except there's a bit of a problem. The last time I went and slept over a boyfriend's house overnight my parents went ballistic. My dad started screaming at me that I was being easy and that a "true lady" doesn't act the way I had. Then the next few months of my life proved to be hell with them threatening to kick me out, etc. Honestly I don't want to go through all of that drama again with them. And yes I will be moving out in a month to be with my boyfriend anyway, but in the meantime I'd like to know that my stuff won't be on the front porch when I get home after this weekend. On the one hand, I really want to stay with my boyfriend when he's here because I love spending every moment I can with him and this weekend will be especially crucial given our recent breakup, and it'd really help us continue in getting stronger together. But on the other hand, I don't trust my parents. Ugh, not sure what to do, anyone have a suggestion?
Pyro Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I'd say either wait, since you said you are moving out in a month or lie and say you are staying at a friends house.
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 I'd say either wait, since you said you are moving out in a month or lie and say you are staying at a friends house. I just talked to my friend and she said she thinks I should just commute to see him every day instead of spending the night. The only thing is the more I think about it, the more I realise exactly how much of the upper hand I may have in the situation. As of the past two years, my parents have virtually lost their only other child and grandson because my sister refuses to see them and she refuses to let them see her son. So I'm the only link they have to getting updates on him, not to mention if they push me away they know they'll basically be losing both of their children. So I'm almost tempted to call their bluff and defy them. Still thinking about it though.
alphamale Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 And yes I will be moving out in a month to be with my boyfriend anyway, why can't you wait 4 wks? its not a long time
creighton0123 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Although there's no question that you love your parents, they don't seem to be very... good parents. Their ideas and the extent that they take their fervor for social conservative has pushed their children away. Your parents seem stuck in the 1960's - and I have no doubt that much of the anger and hostility seems to come from your father, with your mother playing nice. Given that he has already resorted to anger and has threatened to kick you out, for your own safety and security I would say stick it out for another month until you're free from the grip they have on you. What you're going through now is not much different than what young, gay men and women go through when they contemplate coming out to parents in a conservative home. Perhaps your leaving will give your parents the shock enough to move them into the 21st century. These anti-women attitudes need to die. This fundamental double standard needs to be abolished. Don't question for a moment that the treatment you've received and the treatment you are receiving doesn't amount to child abuse. I'd also suggest you look at the relationship between your mother and father... is there some level of domestic violence/abuse happening in their relationship? This can be physical, emotional, verbal, psychological, or financial abuse... Before you leave, make sure that your mother is okay.
Author aerogurl87 Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 why can't you wait 4 wks? its not a long time I can wait 4 weeks, but if I don't have to I won't. Although there's no question that you love your parents, they don't seem to be very... good parents. Their ideas and the extent that they take their fervor for social conservative has pushed their children away. Your parents seem stuck in the 1960's - and I have no doubt that much of the anger and hostility seems to come from your father, with your mother playing nice. Given that he has already resorted to anger and has threatened to kick you out, for your own safety and security I would say stick it out for another month until you're free from the grip they have on you. What you're going through now is not much different than what young, gay men and women go through when they contemplate coming out to parents in a conservative home. Perhaps your leaving will give your parents the shock enough to move them into the 21st century. These anti-women attitudes need to die. This fundamental double standard needs to be abolished. Don't question for a moment that the treatment you've received and the treatment you are receiving doesn't amount to child abuse. I'd also suggest you look at the relationship between your mother and father... is there some level of domestic violence/abuse happening in their relationship? This can be physical, emotional, verbal, psychological, or financial abuse... Before you leave, make sure that your mother is okay. It's not just my dad, my mother shares his "all women who are unmarried and not virgins are whores" belief also. They've both threatened to kick me out for numerous things. First for going to see my ex boyfriend when him and I were together, then for spending the night with my other ex when I was with him, and then my mother threatened to do it again when I told her I didn't want to go to their church anymore since I didn't share their religious beliefs. They're both controlling, my mother actually even more so than my father. She's more subtle about it though and likes to manipulate my father. And my father, well he has been violent in the past (hence why my sister has no contact with either one of them), though never to me. There was alot of emotional abuse on my father's part when my parents were younger, but he's calmed down alot now that my mother ignores him most of the time. My house is not a good environment to be in and I didn't exactly realise how toxic my parents' relationship was really until I went to spend time with my boyfriend for the first time and saw how loving his parents were toward one another. But that's for another thread. My point is my mom will be ok here by herself. I'm just ready to get out of here and be with my boyfriend. And I would love to stay with him but I guess I'll just do the commute back and forth.
folieadeux Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I'd go with the commuting back and forth from the hotel. This way, you won't have to deal with your parents' drama and the stress about keeping the lies in check if you say you're at a friend's. If you think about it, you'll only be apart for a few hours at the most per night. Just wake up really early and leave really late.
Author aerogurl87 Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 I'd go with the commuting back and forth from the hotel. This way, you won't have to deal with your parents' drama and the stress about keeping the lies in check if you say you're at a friend's. If you think about it, you'll only be apart for a few hours at the most per night. Just wake up really early and leave really late. This is what I was gonna do anyway if I didn't spend the night with him, lol. Leave my house around 7-8am every morning and leave his hotel by 2am every night.
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