Miss Savanna Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 (edited) Ok so my boyfriend and I have been together since the end of September 2010. We were together about a month before i moved out of state...Before I moved I asked him if he still wanted to try and make us work and he said of course... Since then we have been doing the whole long distance relationship. It's been really hard for me to be able to trust him......I've been hurt so many times in the past that it's so hard to just let my guard down.. Anyways about a months after I moved he called me one morning and said that there was something that he needed to tell me... but he wanted to wait till he saw me in person to tell me...i asked him to please not make me wait that long he finally told me that the night before he was at a party drinking and smoking and he passed out he said that his friend had a bunch of girls come over and one started giving my boyfriend head while he was passed out...he said they had recorded it and thought it was funny....he told me he was really upset but understood if i wanted to leave him....I ended up giving him another chance Then just this past month he came out to visit me in my state on a bus...out of the 2 of us im the only one thats working and has my education...I know that he is trying to get his life together...we had talked a long time ago about how people act like money is everything..i told him money didn't matter to me...but since he was down here in the week in a half we spent over 1g and he became really controlling...holding my money...talked me into buying us a puppy and a cheap car...which was fine u know...but then he became very demanding like would tell me to get his bags out of the car...no please of thank you.... to me it felt like this wasn't the way a man should treat a woman...but i dont know...just yesterday he started yelling at me because i "had a funky attitude " with him since i was being quiet...he then pulled over in my car that i bought and threw the money down and started walking...I drove after him then there was another time that we went to pick him up from his hotel and he was being a total jerk to me and my best friend... he ended up making me cry... it kinda shocked me because the whole time ive known him he has told me he doesnt cry and when i started crying he was yelling the broke down and cried with him because he hurt me he said.. we tried talking about things and i thought we agreed...but last night he told me he thought he should go back home in my car with the puppy....saying he would come back in a couple weeks after he got some money saved up??? he says he is in love with me....what does this sound like to you? sorry its kinda long but im just not sure what to do or think anymore thanks for your help Edited January 31, 2011 by Miss Savanna
aerogurl87 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 If he leaves in that car doesn't sound to me like you'll see him, that puppy, or the car again. Honestly he sounds like a jerk and no that is NOT how a man or anyone else for that matter is supposed to treat their partner. If he's controlling like that now, it'll only get worse as time goes on as he coaxes you into accepting worse and worse behaviour.
Author Miss Savanna Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 well see that was my first thought before he left... was you know i might now ever see my car or puppy again but i try to give him the benefit of the doubt...he said things like i love you so much i want you to be my wife and have kids with you...the other night he asked me to marry him and i thought that he was kidding he got upset and was like never mind u never take me serious and he rolled over and put his back against me.... its so hard people tell me that im a really nice person..too nice of a person and have a hard time telling people no but i can only take so much...i know where he lives in his state and i have the house number and his dad's cell its like a part of me really loves him but a part of me tells me i should love him and i that i need to get out of this situation im just not sure how or if things will get better once he gets his life turned around
creighton0123 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Since then we have been doing the whole long distance relationship. It's been really hard for me to be able to trust him......I've been hurt so many times in the past that it's so hard to just let my guard down.. Anyways about a months after I moved he called me one morning and said that there was something that he needed to tell me... but he wanted to wait till he saw me in person to tell me...i asked him to please not make me wait that long he finally told me that the night before he was at a party drinking and smoking and he passed out he said that his friend had a bunch of girls come over and one started giving my boyfriend head while he was passed out...he said they had recorded it and thought it was funny....he told me he was really upset but understood if i wanted to leave him....I ended up giving him another chance 1. He is not the men in the past. If you can't approach any new relationship and treat the person as an individual separate from those you have dated in the past, there's always going to be this incredible hurdle to jump. 2. If he is telling the truth about what happened at this party, his friends made a joke about him being raped... Despite what it comes down to, he was raped. He did not provide consent. This is not funny and he should either press charges. If he is not willing to do that, he should not in any way, shape, or form consider these people his friends. 3. Your last paragraph suggests MAJOR red flag behavior. He is controlling of your money? He made you buy a puppy? He yelled at you to the point where you were afraid and started crying, then he wanted to take your car and the dog home with him and 'return when he had money'? For your own welfare and safety, you should really and seriously consider cutting this guy loose. He does not seem like he is emotionally stable or mature enough for a committed, long term relationship. Get your car back. Get that dog back and, I don't know... return it (for the dog's welfare) or give it to a shelter if you don't want it. Think about this... you allowed your boyfriend after verbally abusing you drive away with an animal, having no money to provide for said animal, in the car you paid for and perhaps require for work... He will most likely drop contact. If that's the case, you may have to get the police involved. Edit: You read like a smart, caring girl. You deserve someone more stable than this.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 oh geez, you let him leave with your car? he sounds like a con artist to me
60Kxo Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Miss Savanah, I'm sure you have come to trust your gut. I bet it is telling you to turn and run. Notify the DMV that the car is no longer in your possession and get it transferred to him or something so you aren't liable for it anymore. If he brings it back, don't let him have it again. Take this as a learning experience. Education ain't cheap and consider yourself lucky this one didn't cost you more. It's unfortunate for the pooch. Hopefully he gives it to someone.
folieadeux Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 The obvious thing to do is forget about this guy. The thing I'm wondering is why would you tolerate such behavior?
creighton0123 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 The obvious thing to do is forget about this guy. The thing I'm wondering is why would you tolerate such behavior? I think the obvious thing is to get her car and the puppy back... He reads as though he can't take care of himself, none-the-less another living creature.
FabulousLadee Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Hun trust me. It will only get worse. I have been there done that. Dont walk away..RUN!
sugarmomma Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) He is making a fool of you and you're allowing it by being a doormat. Edited February 1, 2011 by sugarmomma
itsmeapril Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I agree with what everyone is saying . . . It sounds like he has some serious issues of his own. It is not normal to be controlling over someone else's money whom you've known for as little time as you've known him. Also, making you take his bags and all of that is a sign of someone using you and trying to control you and it's not healthy. I don't like most of what you wrote about him, and would suggest ending it before you lose even more money and become too involved.
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