Lost and distraught (my younger sister ruined my relationship) ....

[darthvader7]

Hi everyone,

 

I'll give you a quick summary of what has happened between me and my ex. We dated for two years long distance and he dumped me when we first spent new years together 2008 (after we had loads of heated arguments). Initially I was afraid to tell him why I was so angry, but it was as a result of some emails I found he had sent his ex (first love) that he had previously left me for. After two years I got the nerve to tell him the truth last November, as I was first afraid he would be angry but at least he understood why I may have seemed to be acting erratic. Between those two years we were always back and forth and it never helped that he had a new girlfriend, who was ensuring the rift between us grew. He eventually realised and saw her true nature and left her permanently. During this period I had a lot of growth and realisations about relationships. He is my first love and I had only had one previous boyfriend, of which it was not too serious.

 

The biggest problem now begun this past December when I went home. Granted he had put me through a lot, being back and forth, arguing with my family, hurting my feelings. And I did make some paramount errors by listening to people I thought had my best interests at heart and trying to chase him to talk to him when he came to the country I am currently studying in.

 

To cut a long story short all the previous second chances were never going to happen until he sorted out his feelings for the 'rebound' he was in. I went home this December and he seemed serious about us, apologised for all his mistakes. The biggest problem arose when my younger sister (who I hate to admit can be handful or b****) had been continuously picking fights with him, any time they bumped into each other. The first momentous confrontation she insulted his mother, luckily I managed to get in between it, but he had to push her of him as she kept pushing him. The second encounter occurred when we finally started dating again. And this time she insulted his whole family and I rather not repeat everything she said (but it was pretty bang out of order) - Your mother is a hoe, your father a pauper, your job sucks, you use my sister for her money e.t.c ...

 

This was the stick that broke the camels back, he was so distraught as he is so close to his mum and told me no relationship is worth all the continuous insults. He even cried that night. After that I proceeded to go see him the next day and he refused to open his door. His best friend I should add is also throwing wood into an already blazing fire, by trying to insinuate that it must be a reflection of my family and me, and not just my younger sisters opinion. The following week he requested his space and that I should no longer contact him, he needed time and that we would never work out, let alone be friends. However he did continuously contact me to find out how my mum was doing because she had been unwell (and previously when we broke up, he felt guilty about not being there for me when I needed him the past). I did bump into him one night, but he was being very hostile and ignoring me and paying attention to other women, so I left.

 

Now despite your first instincts, my sister was not picking the fight to protect me. There arguments have never been about me, and I wish I could blame it on immaturity but I can't. Sad to say she is my sister, but she has been a bully through my life, always stirring up problems in my life by being a b*** to my friends and boyfriend. There is nothing I can do, she will never apologise and me and my other siblings have tried to get through to her. So I am not to concerned with her right now. The advice I need is with my ex, has this ruined my last chance with him? I left him a letter apologising for her actions and stating how I felt and that me and sister are separate entities. But I am worried that my second chance boat has sailed. Over the years we have weathered many storms from myself being deemed a stalker and him having a new girlfriend, to people trying to break us up. However this time I am not sure what is going on? All input is helpful I am absolutely distraught, I'm I back to the NC and I can't wait another two years to whether this storm ....

[darthvader7]

Any feed back please? Is he going to come back after four years (two years dating and two being back and forth LDR), when this December we started dating and my younger sister insulted his whole family?

[Carrot2000]

I don't think your sister is the problem;it doesn't make sense that he would break up with you because of the things she said. From my perspective, it sounds like this guy really is not interested in committing to you--hence the back-and-forth between you to--and was looking for a reason to end things.

 

It's time to let go, hun.

[darthvader7]

I understand your perspective, but would you be as liberal if someone called your mother a hoe and father a pauper and insulted every thread of your being from your job to your cousins in addition to claiming he is using me for my money?

[darthvader7]

Does anyone have input ??? Please help, do you think he will forgive and come back? I am us much a victim here as he is. And in my culture insulting one's family is taken very seriously.