downriver Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 (edited) Here's some backstory. I've been going out with my girlfriend for a little over a year now. We both started dating towards the beginning of our senior year in high school. Now we're both freshmen at different colleges. She goes to UCSD and I'm back at home as a transfer student at a community college. We're 8 hours away from each other. I plan on transferring to UCSD as well. Our relationship has been amazing and we both admit that to each other frequently. But this long distance has been hard. Just recently she's been questioning what she wants. I understand that college is a point in someone's life where they can explore and find out what they want and who they are, and now it's affecting our relationship. She says she wants to experience being single in college as it's part of the college experience she expected. She didn't expect to get into college while in a relationship. There hasn't been anything wrong with our relationship. I've always treated her right and I never did anything to jeopardize our relationship. It's also made me realize that I love her too much. We talked about it 2 nights ago. She said that she wanted to be single and experience college as a single person, but at the same time have me there waiting for her. She admits that it's selfish to want both things. Because of the lack of physical intimacy, she's been drawn towards another guy as well. She says that he's been kind and nice to her. Because I'm not physically there for her, she mistakes this guy as me in a way. I hope that makes sense. She's also said that it's not like she wants to go out and have one night stands with random guys. She's just scared not knowing what she wants. I feel like I've been taken for granted because I've always been there for her, and she realizes that too. We decided to go on a break. I'm letting her be free and figure out what she wants in her life. She says she still loves me and will only love me. She also believes that if she were to get closer with this guy, she'll realize how much she really loves me and run back to me, but fears that I won't be there anymore. I think that's what she wants out of the break. To have that realization of what she's losing and giving up. To realize how much she really loves me. But then she fears we won't be able to go back to normal because she's already been doubting our relationship. I just want some input on what we're doing right now. My mind hasn't been thinking straight. I'm still trying to cope with the fact that this is happening. I'm the type of guy who's really loyal, caring, and loving. I'd do anything for this girl. We both changed and enhanced each other's lives in so many ways. Any advice or input would be great. Edited January 31, 2011 by downriver
newrule Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Hello there, Hmm I hope this doesn't offend you, but I'll just go ahead and be brutally honest. You seem to love her more than she loves you. She sounds like a selfish person who wants to mingle with other guys but still keeps you around as a back up. I suspect this is her intention when she told you she fears you won't be there when she comes back. Clearly she's not committed enough to the relationship, and you're too in love with her to do the rational thing - which is let yourself heal and then move on. The old adage 'set her free, if she's yours she'll come back' can be applied here if it makes you feel better. Taking a break seems like a good choice temporarily. Don't do it for too long. Take a break for long enough to get some perspective and to make her able to miss you, but not too long because you need to move on at some point. Good luck!
creighton0123 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Cut loose. Have some fun. If you take a break, be your own man for a while. Let her resume contact. The door swings both ways. Do not let yourself sit around "waiting for her". Consider yourself to be pure awesomeness. You're nobodies backup man. You're nobodies second choice. You deserve to be with somebody who sees that right now.
folieadeux Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 The only good thing this girl did was be honest with you. You should never wait around or put your life on hold for anyone. It's also highly unrealistic to think you'll get back together after this break...by the time she decides what she wants (if she ever does) you both will be completely different people and will have moved on.
Phoenix01 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 In my opinion you are being manipulated by her. Her reasons what you mention (like she mistakens the other guy with you) is bull. First of all: you are willing to transfer to her college which is AMAZING,and it would solve the lack of the physical contact. And saying that she wants to be single to experience college like that. There is only one thing she can't experience by being in a relationship and it is to be with other guys. I'm sorry that I'm harsh, but your story made me UTTERLY mad. She only wants you to wait for her in case things don't work out with others in the college. Having a break is the worst idea. Or are you having an open relationship? because that is what she wants. To do whatever she wants but you still wait for her. She is completely selfish but smart, because she puts her reasons in the way that you would actually agree on them. Yes, being in a relationship means that you have to give up some things , like having relationships with others, but it gives you sooooo much more. You just have to consider what is more important. What she wants is unfair. it's only the begining of your relationship and she already says things like that..... The choice is yours and I won't say what you should do. But don't let her manipulate you, and take advantage of your love.
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