Hazyhead Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 First of all, for those who contributed and gave me fantastic advice, I'm sorry for abandoning my thread ages ago - I'll link it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258837/ I took heed of all the advice but didn't want to respond until I knew where I was at; truthfully, I needed to step away from just everything - xMM, the drama, the decision... all of it. Thank you for your guidance and support and, after spending a couple of weeks away with space and no pressure I decided not to pursue things with xMM. Despite everything he was promising I still felt he was a screwed up individual and, in his words, I read the same red flags that had always been there (red flags that some of you talked about ). In the end he behaved in the same despicable manner as the last time and I'm so glad I didn't invest myself. Anyway, he's now out of my life and after contacting the police to ensure it, I hope he will remain so. Now, I'm free and single, working on me and finding exciting new paths. The affair dynamic... it sucks the life out of you if you let it. Not for me
tami-chan Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Congratulations, Hazyhead!!!! Wishing you the best of everything!
donnamaybe Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Well, Hazy, nice to see you back and in charge of you, whichever direction you had chosen to go. Police involvement will ensure a more peaceful existence from here on out. Chin up honey! You already know things are on the upswing!
half_ofa_heart Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Congrats Hazy!!! I must admit, I am envious but am happy for you. How are you dealing with the "end"? Do you still wonder about your decision or are you certain?
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 HH, that's great! It's nice to read you're happier and in a better place. I hope he respects you (and the law!) and leaves you alone! If not, HE is the one who will suffer consquences.
skywriter Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 "The affair dynamic... it sucks the life out of you if you let it" Hazyhead, no truer words have been written here on LS! I'm with you, on the being single, working on myself, and finding new paths. It's beating the heck out of sitting around waiting for the phone to ring! Best wishes to you Hazy!
Author Hazyhead Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Congratulations, Hazyhead!!!! Wishing you the best of everything! Well, Hazy, nice to see you back and in charge of you, whichever direction you had chosen to go. Police involvement will ensure a more peaceful existence from here on out. Chin up honey! You already know things are on the upswing! Thanks guys I do feel things are on the upswing. Congrats Hazy!!! I must admit, I am envious but am happy for you. How are you dealing with the "end"? Do you still wonder about your decision or are you certain? Soooooo certain! I think I saw in him what I wanted to see. He wasn't all that! No man who can feel free to cause me, and those around him, pain like he did... ain't worth it. I'm in my early thirties and I want a happy life, I'd be crazy to waste my time on him. I need more than he has to give. He will always be that selfish individual - married, single or divorced. A spade is a spade.
Author Hazyhead Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 HH, that's great! It's nice to read you're happier and in a better place. I hope he respects you (and the law!) and leaves you alone! If not, HE is the one who will suffer consquences. He will and this time I think he knows this. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't take the risk. Thanks wwip "The affair dynamic... it sucks the life out of you if you let it" Hazyhead, no truer words have been written here on LS! I'm with you, on the being single, working on myself, and finding new paths. It's beating the heck out of sitting around waiting for the phone to ring! Best wishes to you Hazy! Best wishes to you too. Let's not settle if it's more we want. It will come
TigerCub Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Its good to hear from you Hazy!! I'm actually surprised that things aren't going with xMM...BUT, I'm very happy for you for making your own decision and doing what you feel is best for you. I'm really glad that this time it was completely on YOUR terms and you did what's best. Good luck sweetie
woinlove Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Congratulations, Hazy! And thanks for posting your update. It's great to see you sounding so confident and on the path to better things.
Rose1977 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I'm glad you are in a better place now and taking charge of your life and future. I hope you continue to find happiness. Keep it up and soon you can change your name to clearheaded I am happy for you!
desertIslandCactus Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 First of all, for those who contributed and gave me fantastic advice, I'm sorry for abandoning my thread ages ago - I'll link it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258837/ I took heed of all the advice but didn't want to respond until I knew where I was at; truthfully, I needed to step away from just everything - xMM, the drama, the decision... all of it. Thank you for your guidance and support and, after spending a couple of weeks away with space and no pressure I decided not to pursue things with xMM. Despite everything he was promising I still felt he was a screwed up individual and, in his words, I read the same red flags that had always been there (red flags that some of you talked about ). In the end he behaved in the same despicable manner as the last time and I'm so glad I didn't invest myself. Anyway, he's now out of my life and after contacting the police to ensure it, I hope he will remain so. Now, I'm free and single, working on me and finding exciting new paths. The affair dynamic... it sucks the life out of you if you let it. Not for me You are Free, Hazy. Congratulations.
half_ofa_heart Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Thanks guys I do feel things are on the upswing. Soooooo certain! I think I saw in him what I wanted to see. He wasn't all that! No man who can feel free to cause me, and those around him, pain like he did... ain't worth it. I'm in my early thirties and I want a happy life, I'd be crazy to waste my time on him. I need more than he has to give. He will always be that selfish individual - married, single or divorced. A spade is a spade. thanks Hazy... I am so glad you came back to give us an update. LS (all you posters) have opened my eyes to so much that I have been blinded by in the last 2 years. Although I'm not out of my A, I'm feeling like I'm moving in a much more productive direction - towards the end. My MM is VERY selfish and I'm seeing this more and more. I'm still trying to sort thru my feelings both for him and for myself. But I so appreciate people like you who share your experiences, both good and bad, because it really does help us who are here seeking answers. Thanks again and congrats on your new life.
Author Hazyhead Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Its good to hear from you Hazy!! I'm actually surprised that things aren't going with xMM...BUT, I'm very happy for you for making your own decision and doing what you feel is best for you. I'm really glad that this time it was completely on YOUR terms and you did what's best. Good luck sweetie Congratulations, Hazy! And thanks for posting your update. It's great to see you sounding so confident and on the path to better things. I'm glad you are in a better place now and taking charge of your life and future. I hope you continue to find happiness. Keep it up and soon you can change your name to clearheaded I am happy for you! You are Free, Hazy. Congratulations. Many thanks to you all. I think I'll always be a bit of a wreckhead though , but at least it won't be about this!
greengoddess Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 The haze has cleared!! Congrats for getting rid of someone that was really pulling you down. Find that someone special that brings out the best in you that you can show off proudly to the world!!
silverplanets Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 First of all, for those who contributed and gave me fantastic advice, I'm sorry for abandoning my thread ages ago - I'll link it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258837/ I took heed of all the advice but didn't want to respond until I knew where I was at; truthfully, I needed to step away from just everything - xMM, the drama, the decision... all of it. Thank you for your guidance and support and, after spending a couple of weeks away with space and no pressure I decided not to pursue things with xMM. Despite everything he was promising I still felt he was a screwed up individual and, in his words, I read the same red flags that had always been there (red flags that some of you talked about ). In the end he behaved in the same despicable manner as the last time and I'm so glad I didn't invest myself. Anyway, he's now out of my life and after contacting the police to ensure it, I hope he will remain so. Now, I'm free and single, working on me and finding exciting new paths. The affair dynamic... it sucks the life out of you if you let it. Not for me Hi Hazy, Just to add my welcome back to everyone elses ... sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped but pleased for you that you didn't get too invested and obviously were willing to take the necessary action to enforce your needs/boundaries when required. Huge hugs Chris :)
Author Hazyhead Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Hi Hazy, Just to add my welcome back to everyone elses ... sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped but pleased for you that you didn't get too invested and obviously were willing to take the necessary action to enforce your needs/boundaries when required. Huge hugs Chris :) Hi Chris! You know, I don't think that what he was offering me was what I had hoped for, I think for a while I convinced myself that it was, or could be, but I didn't feel it enough this time... it had faded after all the carnage. Now, I'm much better off. Thanks for your brilliant advice. I did read it, and act upon it but until I was sure that I was strong enough to stick to it, whatvever he threw at me, I didn't want to respond for fear of it being premature. Hugs back xx
silktricks Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Congratulations. Stopping something that has been important in your life - whether it be a man, or anything else can be an extremely difficult step - even when you KNOW it's bad for you. Coming to terms with the changes required and then following through is difficult to say the least. Again, congratulations. I wish you all the happiness in the world for your future.
BB07 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Hazy.....I had been wondering how you were and what was going on. So glad to hear from you and even better that's it's good news. I think it's excellent that you looked at this clear headed and kept yourself safe and you've arrived at a decision of what is best for you. You go girl! Big Hugs!
Author Hazyhead Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Congratulations. Stopping something that has been important in your life - whether it be a man, or anything else can be an extremely difficult step - even when you KNOW it's bad for you. Coming to terms with the changes required and then following through is difficult to say the least. Again, congratulations. I wish you all the happiness in the world for your future. thank you, Silk. He was important to me, and it did hurt to cut him out. Again. You know, if he had been true to his word and respected me then it might have worked out differently, but that's the ting with him and it took me a long time to see it. Still am getting my head around it. A life with him would not have been one of the stories that work out happily because, don't get me wrong, I love them, but it wouldn't have been us, I would have constantly had to battle to trust in him. And he would have constantly let me down, I'm sure of it. My needs will always come after his needs. I'm not saying to all OW that it is futile... just my affair was. I hope he finds some kind of peace. I kinda fear that he won't... Hazy.....I had been wondering how you were and what was going on. So glad to hear from you and even better that's it's good news. I think it's excellent that you looked at this clear headed and kept yourself safe and you've arrived at a decision of what is best for you. You go girl! Big Hugs! Thank you BB. I feel that my heart is safer now. Hope you're okay! Hugs back.
awkward Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Hi Hazy. I really think true NC helps clear the head. I'm glad that you aren't giving him the chance to keep knocking on your door. Congratulations 1000x!
bentnotbroken Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 First of all, for those who contributed and gave me fantastic advice, I'm sorry for abandoning my thread ages ago - I'll link it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258837/ I took heed of all the advice but didn't want to respond until I knew where I was at; truthfully, I needed to step away from just everything - xMM, the drama, the decision... all of it. Thank you for your guidance and support and, after spending a couple of weeks away with space and no pressure I decided not to pursue things with xMM. Despite everything he was promising I still felt he was a screwed up individual and, in his words, I read the same red flags that had always been there (red flags that some of you talked about ). In the end he behaved in the same despicable manner as the last time and I'm so glad I didn't invest myself. Anyway, he's now out of my life and after contacting the police to ensure it, I hope he will remain so. Now, I'm free and single, working on me and finding exciting new paths. The affair dynamic... it sucks the life out of you if you let it. Not for me That's what his behind needs...force behind the words.
Fieldsofgold Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Thanks guys I do feel things are on the upswing. Soooooo certain! I think I saw in him what I wanted to see. He wasn't all that! No man who can feel free to cause me, and those around him, pain like he did... ain't worth it. I'm in my early thirties and I want a happy life, I'd be crazy to waste my time on him. I need more than he has to give. He will always be that selfish individual - married, single or divorced. A spade is a spade. I'm very happy for you, happy that you were able to make the decision and move on without the tormenting doubts. Your last couple of sentences, so very true! Married, divorced or single, he will still be what he is. You're very smart to see that. I'm wishing you a very bright future!
lilbunny Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Hey HH, I've been doing a lot of that head clearing myself and been away from LS. I'm so glad you are feeling good and have done what you think is best for you. I'm in a good place too, I just think it is going to take me a while to adjust to feeling 'normal' again. Hearing someone else is feeling sorted helps though!
fooled once Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 First of all, for those who contributed and gave me fantastic advice, I'm sorry for abandoning my thread ages ago - I'll link it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258837/ I took heed of all the advice but didn't want to respond until I knew where I was at; truthfully, I needed to step away from just everything - xMM, the drama, the decision... all of it. Thank you for your guidance and support and, after spending a couple of weeks away with space and no pressure I decided not to pursue things with xMM. Despite everything he was promising I still felt he was a screwed up individual and, in his words, I read the same red flags that had always been there (red flags that some of you talked about ). In the end he behaved in the same despicable manner as the last time and I'm so glad I didn't invest myself. Anyway, he's now out of my life and after contacting the police to ensure it, I hope he will remain so. Now, I'm free and single, working on me and finding exciting new paths. The affair dynamic... it sucks the life out of you if you let it. Not for me HAZY!!!!!!!!!! Do you want to know how happy I was to read this post???? Please don't take it as some will that I don't want you happy --- because that is so far from the truth. I am thrilled that you have closed that chapter of your life. You deserve so much more than him and all his drama. I am so proud of you for NOT pursing anything with him. You go GIRL!!!
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