shyatfirst Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 First I wrote her a letter of apology as my anger got the best of me. Did not direct my anger at her, but she got scared anyway. Broke up with me the same evening. (are we not allowed to blow off our frustration, this is the only time I showed frustration). I realized later my actions triggered her pain from years of emotional abuse from her father and step father. So she left the house and went back with her mom. Then I got a note from the courts that she has filed NC with her. Though I suspect this was her mom's idea as her mom never liked me. I mailed her a letter of an apology (before I was told by courts about NC orders). She wrote me a letter to stop mailing letters at her home as her mom would report me to the cops. So I emailed her a short note just to check on her. She responded quickly and said she will be ok. I then emailed her 2 other times just to check on how things are with her. Both times, she responded quickly. She seldom uses that email. I emailed her on purpose to see if she is waiting for me to contact her. To my surprise, her response was quick. With the NC order, should I just walk away from her. I care for her dearly, but then again, I would also like to respect her wishes. Also, if one is not allowed to show emotions of frustration, perhaps this I am not the person for her. BTW, I am seeing a therapist to learn how to cope with stress and frustration. Thanks.
ShatteredReality Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 A court ordered NC means don't contact her. If she wants to contact you she can...but this isn't a normal "chase her and win her back" situation. We're talking legal troubles. Also, if she does contact you, you need to tell her to lift the court order against you. Explain to her that if she doesn't want you to contact her you will respect her wishes, that she doesn't need the courts to be involved to accomplish this. Also explain to her that if she wants to talk to you, then there cannot be legal ramifications against you if you respond. How old is she that she's letting her mother call all the shots? I think it's great you're in counselling, perhaps she should try that as well. Rough situation...very sorry to hear about it...don't contact her anymore. You don't want to have legal issues over this - that just adds insult to injury.
Author shyatfirst Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 Thanks Shatteredreality. I will no longer try to contact her until she lifts the NC order. Just do not quite understand this behavior on her part. Wished her mom never stuck her nose on this one. When I went to her house to talk about the break up so we could find closure, her mom told her not to talk to me. When I asked her mom why, she just told me we should wait a while to talk again. Never realized they will request a NC order. Another strange thing in this whole ordeal. We have a joint savings and checking account. One day when I tried to log on to transfer some money from checking to savings, the password was changed. Called the bank's customer service about what happened to the password, I was told that someone (she) changed the password a day ago. One of reasons for breaking with me was my inability to save money. As I tried to explain to her the why's, she did not want to hear anything about this. I worked out of state for a while. I paid for two houses, two groceries, gas for her car and mine. Plus I helped out her mom's with her expenses too. Wonder why she was still checking about balances on the account. Was she monitoring the balances to check if I indeed started putting aside money for savings ? I know she checks on it every week as there is way to check accesses to the online bank information. Strange, but will go along with these games that we seem to be playing.
ShatteredReality Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 If you have a joint account you need to start putting all of YOUR money into a SINGULAR account RIGHT NOW. I mean it. If this thing turns REAL bad it will only cause you more grief if all your $$ diappears also. The fact that she changed the pw would worry the crud outta me...seriously....it shows she wants to limit your access...which would also imply she may want full control of the acct - if you're putting $$ into it then that means you would be giving it to her basically. If you have the bills you say you do, you cannot afford to take chances. Stop adding to those accounts. If you want to leave what's already in there - go ahead...but don't add to it. As of right now, treat your lives as seperate until otherwise notified...act as though this was a bad breakup as far as how you cover yourself....protect yourself. I hope for the best, but please please - while you're hoping for the best too - prepare for the worst ok?? Just be careful...instability can lead to a world of issues....this I know for sure.
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