J0N Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I just found out that my boss's 1 year old son died. I work for him and his father and his father came into work absolutely devastated. I was totally speechless and started crying like a little kid. I really want to call my ex just to have somebody to talk to. Me and my boss are good friends. I know that I shouldn't talk to her (ex) but I am just not sure what to do. I guess I just need the comfort of a woman. I am pretty shaken up, he was a great little guy, and he will be missed. My boss's wife used to bring him into the office, and he would cruise around, he just learned how to walk. I am so sad. I have a question: What should I do? Stop by their house? Send a card? I am not sure what to do they are absolutely devastated.
dng Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Yikes. Don't mess with your ex! Do whatever you would like him to do for you if it happened to you but don't overdo it. You are already on an emotional edge from your personal problems.
lululucy Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I wouldn't stop by the house to talk yet -- this is a horrible, devestating loss for them and it's hard to know if they're ready to see anyone. Don't call your ex, you'll only confuse your grief and make yourself more upset. When my friend's eight month old daughter died, I made sure to phone them (they didn't answer) and leave a message telling them how much I loved them and how I would be there for anything they needed. Even doing little things for them like coming over to shovel their driveway or making a lasagne or buying groceries.. those things really help. And (at least the first two) don't require asking if they need it or even interacting with them at all, it just shows you care about them and are thinking about them. Unless you feel emotionally steady, don't take on the roll of counsellor. You need to take care of yourself too.
quankanne Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 am so very sorry for your friends' loss – death is always a tough one to deal with, but when it involves a child ... especially a small one ... it becomes a thousand times worse. write the family a letter/card to let them know you are sorry for their loss, and that you'll always remember this baby as a ray of sunshine who'd visit the office and that you're grateful to the family for sharing him with you and your coworkers this way. Then let them know they are in your thoughts, your prayers, on your mind, etc. it's going to be really, really devastating for the family, and frankly, right now everything is an overload because there's so much going on and chances are they're not going to remember much from this blur *except* the kind words. Wait awhile, then visit or call your boss or his dad to "check in" with them. And definitely be an ear for the mother of the child because while men grieve quietly and privately, we women want to know and hear that the ones we loved made a difference in others' lives too. Share your stories with her so that she sees her little one's memory stays alive through you ... leave the ex out of the loop, because chances are, it'll only confuse things with the two of you even if you're back to being "just friends" ...
Author J0N Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 I have decided to wait a few days to go over there. They are doing an autopsy of the baby today to figure out exactly what the heck happened. He was perfectly healthy, or so at least everyone thought. My boss would bring him in almost everyday to work and he would cruise around the office (I work for a small company so it wasn't a big deal). I saw the little guy the day before he died, he would walk/crawl over to my desk and grab my water bottle and play with it or chew on it lol. He also really liked pens, he even doodled on the wall next to my desk a little. I really liked this little kid, he kind of reminded me of what people say I was like when i was his age. I always hoped that someday, when I met the right girl i would have a son like him. I am going to leave my ex out of this, I had a close friend get killed in a motorcycle accident over labor day and she wasn't very supportive. So I am sure after 100 days of NC, she would probably just say "Im sorry" or something and leave it at that. I am not cursed, I don't think. I am in the process of sending them a card now, I have only written one sentence and I am stuck. I guess I will just try and keep it simple. I just cant believe how this could happen, he was such a great kid. Rest in peace little guy.
stopthemadness Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) Jon, you could write this if you want? To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Sorry for their loss , my thoughts and prayers go out to the family..But ya leave your ex out of it. I read your posts and I am impressed with your N/C!!!Its Been rough some days but you get though them so you hang in there.... Edited February 1, 2011 by stopthemadness
cerridwen Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Please don't contact your ex. I had an ex contact me when his mother died. Despite the circumstances, it still felt like he was using the occassion as an excuse to contact me. You've put in too much work to undo it now. And, I'm sorry about the poor sweet little guy.
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