kelly_70 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I've messed up big time. I thought I wanted to marry my fiancee and we got engaged at Christmas. I was a bit unsure at the time and probably (looking back) shouldnt have got engaged. I am meant to be a mature woman, I have 3 children and I am feeling really silly at the moment for letting it get this far. My partner and I have been together for 18 months now and to be honest, I have never been 100% sure whether I wanted to marry him but given that I have one failed marriage behind me, I was determined to make it work. Over the past few months however, I have seen charateristics in him that I dont even like. He is very negative about other people, situations and life in general and this is dragging me down and makes me stressed and unahppy when I am with him. Since we got engaged he has been pushing to move in with me and the kids, he keeps bringing clothes and leaving them at my place, he has joined the same gym as me (gosh, that was my little place to escape) and I feel silly and out of control for letting him. He has even started to try and tell me how to discipline my teenage kids (I've been doing great on my own for 3 years, thanks!). The more time I spend with him, the more characteristics I see that I dont like (rascim being one of them). He is getting more and more possessive and wants a lot of contact with me even when I am working (lots of texts and he gets annoyed when I dont reply). He goes home or to work on Monday morning and its a relief. But then he is back on Tuesday after work and the same Wednesday, then back to his home on Thursday and then back to me for the whole weekend on Friday (only because I have asked him to give me a couple of nights alone, he would be there 100% of the time otherwise). I feel smothered and that my life is no longer my own. We are meant to be mature adults but if I express how I am feeling, he gets angry. I just feel that I would never be able to break away from him if I made that decision. We argued and I asked him to leave a few months ago, he did but I had to face him calling me really nasty names and he was shouting and ranting in front of the kids so its no wonder I am trying to just avoid it all and tolerate this crap situation I am in. Any advice please on what to do, how to get him to leave without any angry scenes if (or when) I make the final decision to end it all.? Thank you. Sorry this is so long!
LittleTiger Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 This is an abusive relationship and you need to end it as soon as possible. If you're worried about him getting angry when you tell him then have a male friend or relative present when you break the news so that he doesn't cause a scene - and makes sure he leaves without keys! Then cease all contact. From what you say, he does leave you alone when you ask him too, albeit with a lot of fuss and emotion. Hopefully that means he will walk away when requested - although he probably won't do it quietly.
utterer of lies Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Any advice please on what to do, how to get him to leave without any angry scenes if (or when) I make the final decision to end it all.? Thank you. It seems to me you made the decision already but you are just afraid of communicating it. Break-ups are messy, you won't be able to avoid that, just make it as soon as possible and somewhere where he has time and a place to start processing it.
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