How to deal with an argument in brand new relationship?

[GivenUp0083]

Referring to the OP as a nutjob isn't very helpful. I sense OP comes from an environment of a mother who was/is very critical towards her and I think OP may be projecting that type of behavior towards her boyfriend. If she can acknowledge this type of behavior and attempt to correct it then she will be much better off. I hope that she can work through this and that she and her boyfriend grow closer and both are happy.

 

Are you new to this forum??

 

OceanGirl is notorious for weekly thread starts of this exact same type of too self-consious, over-analyzing type of behavior. It drives her insane. She's been advised by many before to seek mental help with a counselor and she refuses to do so. Any problems she encounters to this point are pretty much self-inflicted.

 

I stand behind my words.

[GivenUp0083]

Eh if you only knew the total lack of trust he has displayed towards me so far....not to mention the over-analyzing of my whereabouts during the day, people I add as friends on FB etc etc..

 

And beleive me, he is not that busy at all - he is pissed and being passive aggressive about it. But whatevs.

 

 

Why are you dating him then if he lacks so much trust for you this early? Have you given him reason not to trust you?

 

This is where you need to be confident enough to take a step backwards and ask yourself "do I really want to be in a relaitonship with someone like this?"

[Jannah]

Are you new to this forum??

 

OceanGirl is notorious for weekly thread starts of this exact same type of too self-consious, over-analyzing type of behavior. It drives her insane. She's been advised by many before to seek mental help with a counselor and she refuses to do so. Any problems she encounters to this point are pretty much self-inflicted.

 

I stand behind my words.

 

No I am not new to the forum. Stand behind your thoughts, but out of respect for her relationship with her boyfriend, keep them to yourself.

[GivenUp0083]

No I am not new to the forum. Stand behind your thoughts, but out of respect for her relationship with her boyfriend, keep them to yourself.

 

Do you understand what a forum is and how it works?

 

This is where people share thoughts.

 

I have every right to share my opinion. If you don't like it you don't have to read it.

[whichwayisup]

Let it go. Guys handle this stuff differently...Once it's been talked about, they like to forget about it and not hang onto it. The more of an issue you make it out to be, it WILL be. He says he's fine (even if he isn't, he will be, but he'll be handling it in his own way) he is fine. Trust that.

[dispatch3d]

Eh if you only knew the total lack of trust he has displayed towards me so far....not to mention the over-analyzing of my whereabouts during the day, people I add as friends on FB etc etc..

 

And beleive me, he is not that busy at all - he is pissed and being passive aggressive about it. But whatevs.

 

boy that's annoying ISNT IT! haha

[Star Gazer]

No I am not new to the forum. Stand behind your thoughts, but out of respect for her relationship with her boyfriend, keep them to yourself.

 

Jannah, you do realize this makes no sense, right? LS isn't a diary where an OP posts a story and followups without any commentary from anyone else. It would stand to reason that if your statement above were true, your own posts would violate the rule.

 

OG asked for thoughts on what she posted in her OP.

[Lauriebell82]

I think you were feeling insecure after your argument, therefore you responded with "really, are you just saying that." Men generally don't like insecurity, I know that my husband doesn't. When you doubt their affection, they tend to get upset.

 

I honestly think you have a negative attitude about the relationship. I'm guessing he doesn't want to hatch this all out again. He apologized for being snippy, maybe he really is just being moody? Let it go for now, and work on your insecurity in regards to the relationship.

[Jannah]

Jannah, you do realize this makes no sense, right? LS isn't a diary where an OP posts a story and followups without any commentary from anyone else. It would stand to reason that if your statement above were true, your own posts would violate the rule.

 

OG asked for thoughts on what she posted in her OP.

 

Givenup's post in response to the OP's question insinuated that OP is a "nut job". Do you believe that is constructive help in response to the OP's question?

 

Having an opinion of someone is fine, but that wasn't the original question. She asked for advice, hopefully to help strengthen her relationship, not rip it to shreds and make her feel bad about herself.

[oaks]

What's my best course of action?

 

a) Bring up the argument and try to resolve it but then again this may cause more drama...

 

b) Ride this out and pretend to buy the busy excuse. Then try to reconnect over the weekend (which we have plans to spend together).

 

c) Apologise and have great make-up sex, but remember to finish long before you get sore this time.

[GivenUp0083]

Givenup's post in response to the OP's question insinuated that OP is a "nut job". Do you believe that is constructive help in response to the OP's question?

 

Having an opinion of someone is fine, but that wasn't the original question. She asked for advice, hopefully to help strengthen her relationship, not rip it to shreds and make her feel bad about herself.

 

I gave her advice. But I'm sure you only partially read threads to feed your trolling desires.

 

She needs to decide if this is something she wants and he sounds like he lacks serious trust, and she has major insecurity. She can't change him, she can only change herself, and her insecurity is so evident and clear to so many on this forum they continually express it. Again, she chooses to ignore it. I feel bad for her mostly, therapy was one of the best decisions I ever made and I don't think my life and my dating experiences could've gone any better to this point.

 

If OceanGirl is struggling, it's her own fault. It doesn't always have to be this way. Stop pointing the finger all the time, take a look in the mirror.

[Jannah]

I gave her advice. But I'm sure you only partially read threads to feed your trolling desires.

 

She needs to decide if this is something she wants and he sounds like he lacks serious trust, and she has major insecurity. She can't change him, she can only change herself, and her insecurity is so evident and clear to so many on this forum they continually express it. Again, she chooses to ignore it. I feel bad for her mostly, therapy was one of the best decisions I ever made and I don't think my life and my dating experiences could've gone any better to this point.

 

If OceanGirl is struggling, it's her own fault. It doesn't always have to be this way. Stop pointing the finger all the time, take a look in the mirror.

 

I am not a troll.

 

Anywho, back on topic....

[sb129]

This is where you need to be confident enough to take a step backwards and ask yourself "do I really want to be in a relaitonship with someone like this?"

 

But she hasn't got that confidence. She hasn't even got the confidence to be happily and securely single, which is why she is so desperate to be in a relationship, any relationship, at any cost.

 

She needs to decide if this is something she wants and he sounds like he lacks serious trust, and she has major insecurity. She can't change him, she can only change herself, and her insecurity is so evident and clear to so many on this forum they continually express it. Again, she chooses to ignore it.

If OceanGirl is struggling, it's her own fault. It doesn't always have to be this way. Stop pointing the finger all the time, take a look in the mirror.

 

This is how I see it, however the guy isn't helping matters.

 

A relationship between two insecure people who are both hyper sensitive, over-analyse and worry about everything is a recipe for disaster.

[Star Gazer]

Well, it's good practice at least.

 

I don't think it's a good idea to use a guy for relationship practice.

[zengirl]

I don't think it's a good idea to use a guy for relationship practice.

 

Co-signed. Not consciously at least. (I mean, hopefully, we all learn lessons as we move along in the world, including in our relationships.)

 

Though, to be fair, it's not OG saying this, and I don't think that's her attitude towards it. I think she's very muddled on what she's doing here, though, but that's because of her own insecurities, which aren't going to be fixed by a relationship. But only by her working on herself.

[Cee]

This thread has devolved from providing guidance and feedback directed to the OP and has become a dialogue ABOUT her. It's almost like the kind of chatter people would say behind someone's back, but instead it's available for the OP to read.

 

I have seen practically every thread by this poster go this way lately. And it saddens me. I think it's inappropriate. If someone has something to say TO the OP, say it. If someone wants to talk about the OP in the third person, hold your tongue because I believe it is immature behavior and counter productive to building a safe and trusting community.

 

This is my opinion. Feel free to discredit and discard it, but then I don't plan on revisiting these threads. I don't want to enable and encourage this behavior on the LS forums.

[Star Gazer]

This thread has devolved from providing guidance and feedback directed to the OP and has become a dialogue ABOUT her. It's almost like the kind of chatter people would say behind someone's back, but instead it's available for the OP to read.

 

I have seen practically every thread by this poster go this way lately. And it saddens me. I think it's inappropriate. If someone has something to say TO the OP, say it. If someone wants to talk about the OP in the third person, hold your tongue because I believe it is immature behavior and counter productive to building a safe and trusting community.

 

This is my opinion. Feel free to discredit and discard it, but then I don't plan on revisiting these threads. I don't want to enable and encourage this behavior on the LS forums.

 

It's actually pretty rare that you'll see the majority of discussion within a thread be directed solely at the OP. Rather, folks come in and give their opinions not only to the OP, but as to other's advice as well. For example, someone could come to this thread and say, "Hey, why are you worried? You've got nothing to worry about," and another will come in and comment on that opinion and why they think it's off base, which would require talking about the OP and her situation in the third person to explain why they disagree. It's perfectly normal and done in nearly every thread. No one is immune.

 

Further, relationships never occur in a vacuum, thus advice shouldn't be given in one either. The entirety of who OG is and her history with this guy is entirely relevant and important in analyzing the situation and giving her advice that actually fits her and this relationship.

[OceanGirl]

Everything seems to be fine...

 

He texted me this:

 

Guess what happened? I got a $500 voucher at work for working through the strike (but then again I really had no choice lol). I am thinking of spending it on us! We could go to a really nice dinner on Sat night and to the gold class cinemas on Sunday...followed by a lunch at place X!! What do you think?

[Titania22]

Wow! That's really thoughtful of him. So no worries then.

[sb129]

OG, thats great news.

 

What a nice gesture.

 

He really is trying here, so cut him some slack and be nice to him back! Hey that rhymes.

 

FWIW, I do hope things work out with this guy.

[whichwayisup]

Everything seems to be fine...

 

He texted me this:

 

Guess what happened? I got a $500 voucher at work for working through the strike (but then again I really had no choice lol). I am thinking of spending it on us! We could go to a really nice dinner on Sat night and to the gold class cinemas on Sunday...followed by a lunch at place X!! What do you think?

 

Means he's let go and moved past the argument..So, now should you and don't bring it up..

 

Have fun on the weekend!

[Els]

Means he's let go and moved past the argument..So, now should you and don't bring it up..

 

Have fun on the weekend!

 

I concur. Enjoy yourself and be appreciative.

[SmileFace]

I think it's a great idea.

Please, tell me this is sarcasm

[Star Gazer]

Good news, OG! Enjoy yourself and be appreciative, not only of the weekend, but of him. (And don't bring up this "fight" again! )

 

Co-signed. Not consciously at least.

 

Yeah, but apparently for some, it is very conscious:

 

I think it's a great idea.

 

[green_tea]

For example, he said that he didn't like my online profile and my pictures that much. He thought it was all "meh"., but when he saw me in person and talked to me, that's when he started to really like me.

 

That's how it should be in my opinion. The ones that start building up expectations just from looking at your picture are the ones that I am wary of.