How are ex SOs affected emotionally after you defriend them on facebook

[mustangsb27]

Hey, just got around to de-friending a woman I dated for 9 months per everyone's advice. Is it an emotional dagger to them? She really thought a lot of me (so she said) but couldn't keep from sleeping around with someone else from out of town in addition to me (lied to me about it). She just couldn't commit, you know? So I cut her loose. I've been NC for about 3 months and just recently got the nerve to delete her etc. Just wondering how she felt when she realized she had been de-friended. And to answer your next question, yes, I want her to feel bad about it. I know I would feel bad. I know I have a little bit of SGS (sour grapes syndrome, to coin another acronym), but just curious about what might be going through her head. Ok I'm ready. Everyone can start beating me over the head with a board for even thinking about it. I probably deserve it.

[Lemontang]

Well I defriended a girl shortly after breaking up with her, I even told her I was going NC for awhile too. Only to have her flip out about it then bag me out by messaging my friends on FB for defriending her. After some significant time we decided we could be friends and she friended me again on FB. She later defriended me after I updated my status to in a relationship. Not that it bothered me especially since she'd started seeing someone as well. I guess she didn't get the reaction from me she was hoping for though.

[durkadurka]

My ex was pretty dismayed when I did it.

 

Oh well, why should she care, she dumped me, why should I want to stick around?

[USMCHokie]

Who cares...?

 

I don't do it for them; I do it for me...

 

Luckily, they are usually the ones who defriend me...

[Star Gazer]

I've only defriended two guys I was romantically involved with. I don't think they cared, because their actions leading up to my defriending of them demonstrated that they had utter contempt for me to begin with.

 

The rest were still worth remaining friendly with.

[Mavisse]

I was recently defriended by my ex and it was very hurtful. But then, I never wanted to break up in the first place.

 

But if I didn't want to be with the person, honestly, I would want them to do whatever they needed to move on and not be putting pressure on me and so I think I would be fine if someone defriended me.

[january2011]

Everyone can start beating me over the head with a board for even thinking about it. I probably deserve it.

 

Here's a 2x4 just for you --> [2x4]

 

She may care. She may not. You may get some satisfaction from knowing that she cares, but it will most likely be momentary. The fact that you're asking the question suggests that you're far more invested in this outcome than is healthy, in my opinion, for both being the dumper and after three months' NC.

 

As an aside, Facebook seems to be the bane of personal relationships and a melting pot for paranoia and insecurity. If I ever join the site, it will be for business reasons only.

[Hannah86]

She will definitely notice it, will definitely take it as a blow, but will turn it around to her girlfriends and say you're immature...but you did the right thing. I am thinking about unfriending one of my exes because he is making a psycho conscious effort to befriend my friends. If looking at her facebook causes you any pain, then you did the right thing.

[LostMyHeart]

They may or may not care honestly...It really depends on how far into letting you go they have already progressed. I recently had to do this, full NC, and I only know how much it hurts me to do that...but I also know it hurts even worse to love and care about someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. There is no sense in putting yourself through the obsession of watching yourself being replaced in their life when you made them a priority in your life. You start playing mind games with yourself and really, you are the one that controls that.

 

Like Hannah says, if looking at their Facebook, talking to them, thinking about them....any of that causes you pain...you did the right thing so you can heal.

[mustangsb27]

Thanks guys. That really helps. I was so torn about letting go of that final thread. I felt like I just couldn't remain friends with someone who treated me like I didn't matter to her sometimes, not to mention someone I can't trust as far as I can throw. I was kind of like a doormat to her (My fault, but I loved treating her well. Sue me.) so when I found out that she lied about a lot of things, by comission and omission, the only thing to do to keep any level of respect was to drop her from my life and de-friend her. I don't want to sound like a sadist (or is it a masochist?), but I hoped she was a little hurt by the gesture. I hoped that she could actually have SOME feeling of regret and guilt. Dunno, she never showed it when I was with her. Maybe she IS the ice queen we all read about who shows no remorse and only serves herself. Lucky me to get mixed up with her.

[GreenPolicy]

I defriended my ex because it is not emotionally healthy for me to have access to her page and know what is going on in her life. I didn't concern myself with what she would think about it. She didn't seem too concerned with what I thought when she changed her status from "in a relationship with GreenPolicy" to "single."

[Sugarkane]

[quote

As an aside, Facebook seems to be the bane of personal relationships and a melting pot for paranoia and insecurity. If I ever join the site, it will be for business reasons only.

Couldn't have said it better myself. One of my exes friends thought it was weird that I wasn't on fb. I assume he hasn't been through a bad breakup before.

[Sugarkane]

Couldn't of said it better myself. One of my exes friends thought it was weird that I wasn't on fb[ when my ex and I were still together]. This guy I assume hasn't been through a bad breakup before.

[Cee]

I get a little bit hurt when anyone defriends me. However, I would understand if an ex defriended me because it makes sense to do it. It seems to be a proper boundary to establish.

 

I was dating long before Facebook so I didn't have those issues. However, in the past few years I have FB friended a few long ago exes. It's interesting to have remembered them as young men and now they have wives and families.

[Eeyore79]

Ex #1: He dumped me, I was devastated, and I was even more devastated when he defriended me on FB and cut me out of his life.

 

Ex #2: I really didn't care about him, and I dumped him. He subequently defriended me, and I wasn't bothered because I didn't care about him anyway.

 

So I think it depends on the person and the circumstances. Someone who still cares about you and wants to be friends will be upset, and someone who isn't really bothered about you probably couldn't care less.

[Chi townD]

The reason you SHOULD be de-friending the ex on FB is for your own protection. Do you really want to see her status change to "in a relationship" when you're still harboring feelings for her. Or see wall status that states she went out with her man last night and had a great time? These are the reason you de-friend an ex.