SherryIceCream Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I've been dating this guy for two months now and I really like him. He's funny, sweet and a complete gentlemen. But just recently, he told me that he cheated on his previous girlfriend of two years for 3 months. She caught him, so she broke up with him. That was a year ago. Anyway, after he told me this, he asked me if I still wanna date him? Instead of answering him, I just looked down at my coffee and began thinking. Then he said that he regretted cheating on her, and that he would never do that to me. I told him that I'll think about it. So I'm still wondering whether I should continue my relationship with him or just move on and date someone else. I just don't know what to do...
Mad Max Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 He's an idiot for even admitting it, but that's something else. As far as I'm concerned, once a cheater always a cheater. I can't say I know too many people that cheated and truly regret it.
january2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 (edited) Once upon a time, a guy told me that he cheated on a previous girlfriend because she had started cheating on him. For some unknown reason that I can't recall, I never raised it with him, but inside I asked why he chose to cheat rather than break up with her. With hindsight, that and cheating in general was/is a red flag for me and it made me think less of him. With regard to your situation, I think that it also looks particularly bad, in my opinion, that his cheating was not a temporary loss of control but a sustained effort of three months' duration. If you think you can get over it, then by all means continue. Otherwise, it could send you down the road of paranoia and over-analysis of his every move (especially when he's not with you) and that's not conducive to a long-term relationship (if that's what you want). Edited January 31, 2011 by january2011
Author SherryIceCream Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 The fact that he admitted it kinda shows that "yeah I cheated, I'm honest enough to admit it, and I regretted it. I'm fully responsible for my actions and would never do that to you"...hmm, so I don't know....I mean, people can make selfish choices in life, that doesn't mean they're bad people, right?
january2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 people can make selfish choices in life, that doesn't mean they're bad people, right? No, you're right. But does his previous selfish choice make him bad for you? In your subsequent post, it sounds like you're leaning towards giving him a chance. As posters, we can only give our own experiences and opinions. None of us can really tell you that what you decide is right or wrong. You'll only know with time as the situation plays out. Go with your gut and what you feel is right.
pandagirl Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Obviously, there are variable to this situation. Did he cheat 10 years ago in college, and never again. Or is he a chronic cheater. Big difference between the two.
Pyro Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 well considering all the bitter crybabies on here will say to judge a woman on her past behaviors you could apply the same thing to him. Your call to continue things with him. The fact that its more recent than not would make me a bit uncomfortable.
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 The fact that he admitted it kinda shows that "yeah I cheated, I'm honest enough to admit it, and I regretted it. I'm fully responsible for my actions and would never do that to you"...hmm, so I don't know....I mean, people can make selfish choices in life, that doesn't mean they're bad people, right? Does he say why he cheated? did he feel bad that he did and hurt his girlfriend? I can understand now that you feel unsettled and there's probably some mistrust there, but if you do really like him, give him a chance. Make it clear to him that you would rather him BREAK UP with you, even though it'll hurt, than go behind your back and cheat. Also, let him know that you won't tollerate that from him. It's good he told you, he didn't have to, so that does say something.
green_tea Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 It's good he told you, he didn't have to, so that does say something. I agree with this. He had nothing to gain by telling you, so I would try to see the positive of it. And if it is just the once, then he may genuinely be sorry. I was involved once with a cheater (he cheated on his girlfriend with me) and I would hate for it to be held against me, though I wouldn't blame anyone if they did. I am sorry it ever happened, and would never do it again.
depplover_1980 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I agree that the fact he was so honest with you holds him in high regard with me. Sounds like he thinks a lot about you. Give him a chance but lay down the law on your own views and tell him to promise to speak to you about any temptations the future brings instead of just doing it.
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