Country_Girl Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Long story short, me & my SO broke up Dec 20th- I flew back home Dec 22. He was giving me mixed messages before I left (hand holding, kissed at the airport). He had a porn addiction (self admitted), kept lying about it, and I guess I confronted him for the last time on it. He broke up with me, yet still did some passive aggressive things before I left, even though I was nice to him. He waited till my birthday, first week of January, to send me an email saying we will never get back together. Just really hurt my heart, since he made it seem like we had a chance after we both healed, told me to keep my wedding ring just in case (the day I left). So, a month went by, what happened? I got upset. Just thinking about all his lies, all the lies he forced me to live with. I felt guilty, which was also an inner turmoil I felt while in the relationship. When I flew into town a year ago he told his parents we were married as soon as I got there, this I knew about. But then he told his friends the same story, the pastor was a friend, and the paperwork never got filed after our ceremony. Then we never seemed to have the money to get married, he made purchases (game system, phone, monitor) so we couldn't. He would essentially dangle the marriage in my face, "well I don't know if I want to get married" the next week it would be "lets get married". He was out of work for a few months over the summer, his truck got repo'd. His parents paid a penalty out of retirement to get it back for him. Then he got a part time job, and was able to make up the difference by collecting employment insurance. I asked him if he was going to pay them back, he said he didn't want to tell them yet, then went out and blew money like it was nothing for months. Meanwhile, his mom was in school and only his dad was working- and guess who was paying for our groceries? Them. I felt like ****, I still feel like **** for going along with it. I could not work, was in a new country and was waiting for him to file again for marriage so we could file residency for me. All these unfulfilled promises, but he couldn't follow through on anything. I was living a lie, and nobody had a clue :-( So, I wrote his mom a week ago. Told her the truth, he's collecting money and acting like he has none. Also said the marriage never happened, and apologized for my role in the lie. Explained how the marriage rumor floated through his friend circle and why the paperwork was never filed. And how purchases he made dictated that we would never get married. She already knew about the porn thing, and I explained he was lying about it the last month "again". Well a few days ago I called him, I said I wanted some closure. We talked for 30 min or so, he did apologize for the "marriage", the porn, breaking up just before x-mas, and how he treated me. I apologized for my role in not being as emotionally supportive as he would have liked. All was well until we got on the subject on how we are doing. He said he was doing good until I sent that letter to his mom. That the rents have been giving him **** for it all week, that he is feeling suicidal. His hours are getting cut at work, he has to move back home, and overall he is not doing well. Now I am feeling terrible. I admit some of that letter was sent out of frustration, but it was also to resolve me of the guilt I was carrying. I have been feeling terrible for months, because I don't lie to people, and I don't manipulate them. Maybe he's okay with it, but I am not. Me and his mom were close, and it took so much not to say anything whenever we went out. And I also felt that people can't grow from their mistakes if they just walk away. Anyhow, now I am left with the guilt that he is feeling suicidal. I didn't intend for that. But I'm also wondering if it is a manipulation tactic? There were 2 times in the past that he talked about suicide (when he got caught in a lie about the porn). Then I would have to switch from being upset, to comforting him. Is this a ploy, or do you think a cry for help? I feel like ****.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 He may really be feeling that way, but if he is he should be getting professional help. You're not responsible for this, and if he is trying to get you back in his life by telling you, its definitely manipulation. At the very least I think you could maybe encourage him to get help.
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