pandagirl Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I don't get messaged much on online dating sites, despite people telling I am attractive. But I've realized that anyone that I have dated from online already has a predisposed liking for Asian women, meaning, hypothetically, that a man who has never dated outside their ethnicity would probably not consider messaging me. I can also say when a man of a different ethnicity that I've never considered before messages me, it does seem unfamiliar and I am less likely to give him a chance. Thoughts?
SmileFace Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I live in a predominantly white area and most messages I receive online are... "I never been with a black girl" "Ever been with a white guy" So yeah -- some have fetishes (as bad as that sounds) Yet I have dated many that actually seemed to be dating me for me . Eh, who knows?
tigressA Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 OKCupid did a much-debated (within the site, anyway) study on this, called "How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get". http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/ To sum up, race matters in online dating quite a bit. I found it really interesting, in this study, the huge discrepancy between the answers to these questions: "Is interracial marriage a bad idea?" and "Would you strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color/racial background?" The percentages of groups, by race and sex, who answered "Yes" to the first question were in single digits all across the board. Yet with the second question, the percentages for the "Yes" answer were in the double digits all across the board.
quietGuy13 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 There is!!!! I've been in OKCupid for a long time. Nobody ever responds. especially when i put my picture up. White girls and Asians etc don't like latinos, especially if yo'ure not buff or look confident in pictures
BOKI5 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I think if you are attractive, then most people will find you attractive regardless of your race. However, most people prefer to date within their race, there is more likely to be similarities in social status, culture, similar views,etc. So, it makes sense. And a lot of those major sites, they are predominately White. If you want to date other "minorities" maybe you can check out sites targeted towards Blacks/Latinos/Asians... Sometimes, even if someone doesn't date IR, doesn't mean that they wouldn't if the opportunity arises. Also, sadly, some people don't date IR because they fear they will be judged,etc Also, I notice WM don't really know how to approach BW...
Author pandagirl Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 OKCupid did a much-debated (within the site, anyway) study on this, called "How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get". http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/ To sum up, race matters in online dating quite a bit. I found it really interesting, in this study, the huge discrepancy between the answers to these questions: "Is interracial marriage a bad idea?" and "Would you strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color/racial background?" The percentages of groups, by race and sex, who answered "Yes" to the first question were in single digits all across the board. Yet with the second question, the percentages for the "Yes" answer were in the double digits all across the board. Interesting. I just read this. I'm an Asian woman, who has only dated white men (please, I'm not a self-hating Asian!). Out of the men I have dated, I would say not all, but most have had a preference or proclivity for Asian women. So on a dating site, I'm probably mostly attracting those men. A man who has never considered dating an Asian woman, will not give me a second look.
Author pandagirl Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 There is!!!! I've been in OKCupid for a long time. Nobody ever responds. especially when i put my picture up. White girls and Asians etc don't like latinos, especially if yo'ure not buff or look confident in pictures Hey! My last boyfriend I met off of OKC and he was half-latino. And he's not buff. haha.
sweetjasmine Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 To sum up, race matters in online dating quite a bit. I found it really interesting, in this study, the huge discrepancy between the answers to these questions: "Is interracial marriage a bad idea?" and "Would you strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color/racial background?" The percentages of groups, by race and sex, who answered "Yes" to the first question were in single digits all across the board. Yet with the second question, the percentages for the "Yes" answer were in the double digits all across the board. Makes sense to me. Just because you believe there's nothing wrong with interracial marriage doesn't mean you would personally want to date people from different racial/ethnic backgrounds. I have no issue with interracial marriages at all, but that doesn't mean I'm attracted to men of every racial/ethnic group. Not much different from having no issue with gay marriage but not wanting one for yourself.
Nexus One Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Presuming you're Asian, it's possible to have success with Caucasian or black men if that's what you're looking for. Relationships of Caucasian men + Asian women are not uncommon throughout Western society. You need to discern between two types of white/black guys who like Asian women though. 1. Guys who are open to a relationship with an Asian girl/woman. 2. Guys with a fetish for Asian girls/women. I advise you to watch out for the second group, because they could be into you for your ethnicity and not you yourself. Rrrrrrrr: - http://tinyurl.com/5v6qbna (Lucy Liu) - http://tinyurl.com/5r9sqqn (Stephanie Jacobsen)
krz12 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I don't get messaged much on online dating sites, despite people telling I am attractive. But I've realized that anyone that I have dated from online already has a predisposed liking for Asian women, meaning, hypothetically, that a man who has never dated outside their ethnicity would probably not consider messaging me. I can also say when a man of a different ethnicity that I've never considered before messages me, it does seem unfamiliar and I am less likely to give him a chance. Thoughts? The bolded is true in real life as well, isn't it? Such is life.
Author pandagirl Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Presuming you're Asian, it's possible to have success with Caucasian or black men if that's what you're looking for. Relationships of Caucasian men + Asian women are not uncommon throughout Western society. You need to discern between two types of white/black guys who like Asian women though. 1. Guys who are open to a relationship with an Asian girl/woman. 2. Guys with a fetish for Asian girls/women. I advise you to watch out for the second group, because they could be into you for your ethnicity and not you yourself. Rrrrrrrr: - http://tinyurl.com/5v6qbna (Lucy Liu) - http://tinyurl.com/5r9sqqn (Stephanie Jacobsen) Don't worry, I know the difference. And if I looked like either of those women, I'm SURE I wouldn't have an issue meeting ANY kind of man! I wish!
Sanman Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Well, it a disadvantage being a minority in dating anywhere. For the purposes of this conversation I am assuming you mean non-white. The OKC stat analysis certainly points out that White is an advantage, even more so in men than women. That is life. Then again, women of my own ethnicity are supposed to be even less interested in me than white women. Yet, I find I get many more responses women of my own ethnicity on OKC. Make of it what you will.
tigressA Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 If I notice someone cute or otherwise appealing on OKC and they're outside my race/ethnicity (and they pretty much always are), I always end up going to the match questions they have answered to see if their answer to the "Would you strongly prefer dating someone of your own skin color/racial background?" is "No". If it's "Yes" I don't bother making contact because I know they won't respond. I don't have a problem with their preference; I just would rather not waste my time crafting a message to someone who won't respond because of something about myself I can't change. I don't have much trouble getting attention though, and the vast majority of messages I get are from white men. I've never had anyone approach me with a fetish in mind, like SmileFace said.
Gypsy_Soul Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I live in a predominantly white area and most messages I receive online are... "I never been with a black girl" "Ever been with a white guy" So yeah -- some have fetishes (as bad as that sounds) Yet I have dated many that actually seemed to be dating me for me . Eh, who knows? I get these too, except I'm Native American.
lululucy Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I'm white and I have only ever dated white, black or first nations people. I find on okc, it's really difficult for me to find anyone who ISN'T white to speak to -- perhaps it's just my area, but I've only ever messaged/been messaged by two non-white men since I've been active again. Three if you count sexual solicitation. For me, race doesn't make a difference in whether or not I reply, just the quality of the message/profile and overall physical attraction. My close friend (who is half black, half white) however quit okc after a few weeks because she only received explicit messages and racial slurs.
quietGuy13 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 As far as i see it from the online dating sites i've been too, Asian Americans love white guys, White girls want white guys, and Old Asians from Asia like any type of American but young Asians girls from Asia(not asian americans) love white guys.
USMCHokie Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I think race makes a significant difference in the online dating realm. But I don't care, because I don't play.
Author pandagirl Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 I think race makes a significant difference in the online dating realm. But I don't care, because I don't play. I don't know why I haven't realized this before, but now I feel like I'm just going to not message any men and just reply to messages sent to me. I know that seems passive, but I have in the past messaged many men, without a reply back, which always stuck me as odd because while I'm not beautiful, I'm reasonably attractive and slim. Because if they're not into Asian girls, then it'll probably be a no go.
USMCHokie Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I don't know why I haven't realized this before, but now I feel like I'm just going to not message any men and just reply to messages sent to me. I know that seems passive, but I have in the past messaged many men, without a reply back, which always stuck me as odd because while I'm not beautiful, I'm reasonably attractive and slim. Because if they're not into Asian girls, then it'll probably be a no go. I don't want to appear like those spiteful men who get all butthurt over online dating, but as a woman, I think you can still be successful with online dating even with a passive approach that you've described. And to be perfectly honest, I think men are a lot more open to women of different races in online dating than women are of men...just because women don't necessarily have to be open...the opportunities are already there...but that is simply from my limited experience and wild speculation on my part...
Author pandagirl Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 I don't want to appear like those spiteful men who get all butthurt over online dating, but as a woman, I think you can still be successful with online dating even with a passive approach that you've described. And to be perfectly honest, I think men are a lot more open to women of different races in online dating than women are of men...just because women don't necessarily have to be open...the opportunities are already there...but that is simply from my limited experience and wild speculation on my part... There might be some truth in what you say, but what I'm saying is: If a man has never dated outside his race in his entire life, then it's going to be unlikely that a little message from some Asian woman is going to suddenly alter his dating habits. That is, if that Asian woman doesn't look like Lucy Liu. And I will be honest. For instance, I've dated Latin men, and one half-Asian guy, but I've never dated an Indian or Black guy. Even if an attractive Indian man messaged me, I'd most likely not be interested, for no other reason than it's completely unfamiliar to me. I'd also like to point out that the men that I've met and dated over dating sites already had a preference for Asian women... which is why they contacted me. Duh.
Nexus One Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 but what I'm saying is: If a man has never dated outside his race in his entire life, then it's going to be unlikely that a little message from some Asian woman is going to suddenly alter his dating habits. That is, if that Asian woman doesn't look like Lucy Liu. I hope I didn't give you the wrong idea by posting those links. Asian women do not necessarily have to look like that to be attractive for white men or men of any other race for that matter.
Author pandagirl Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 I hope I didn't give you the wrong idea by posting those links. Asian women do not necessarily have to look like that to be attractive for white men or men of any other race for that matter. Of course not. Just very beautiful women of any race are going to be universally attractive to everyone.
green_tea Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I sort of agree, I do get messaged a lot, but most are ones I'm not into - not trying to be shallow, but that's how I feel - you know they have missing teeth and hairy etc. So I think that the more attractive males on there, most probably dismiss me due to my race. I'm an Indian female, often told I'm attractive. I don't find this in real life - obviously in real life I don't really know who has dismissed me or not, but I get attention from all types of men, and from guys I consider attractive, which I hardly get online.
MrNate Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I think race makes a significant difference in the online dating realm. But I don't care, because I don't play. Preach it, brotha.
OceanGirl Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 My observation is that there are mostly 2 types of men: those with strong preference for Asian girls and those that are not interested in Asians at all. Then there are people like my brother. His first ever gf was Asian and she ended up running after him with a knife towards the end of their relationship. He now thinks that all Asian girls are crazy and he wants nothing to do with them
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