Woggle Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I do agree that the courts are getting somewhat better but a man also has the walkaway wife epidemic to think of plus in many cases he has to deal with her resentment if they do stay married. Some women talk a good game about commitment but when it comes to actually practicing it after the wedding I have to say that in many cases men do much better. I also know that my wife is a great woman but when I look at the people I know our marriage is the exception. In most cases it seems that the man is simply a source of financial support and very little else or if she makes equal or more than him she has zero to no respect for him and doesn't see him as a man. My friends are actually shocked that I can go and do things with them without getting an attitude from her.
sally4sara Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I do agree that the courts are getting somewhat better but a man also has the walkaway wife epidemic to think of plus in many cases he has to deal with her resentment if they do stay married. Some women talk a good game about commitment but when it comes to actually practicing it after the wedding I have to say that in many cases men do much better. I also know that my wife is a great woman but when I look at the people I know our marriage is the exception. In most cases it seems that the man is simply a source of financial support and very little else or if she makes equal or more than him she has zero to no respect for him and doesn't see him as a man. My friends are actually shocked that I can go and do things with them without getting an attitude from her. I get that your childhood and crazy ex has left you with fears about women and marriage, but what did this thread have to do with any of your beliefs about these subjects? This wasn't even about a marriage or a divorce but its somehow become another Woggle educates us on the dangers of women and marriage thread. What up with that? You could have let this OP have her thread and topic and just revived one of your own or started a new one. I feel like I've wandered into the Why Don't Men Listen to Women thread by accident.
Eeyore79 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 That being said a woman can leave and for the most part be sure that she can be in her child's life and not have to give him a dime. You hear some women who can't fathom why a man would be afraid of marriage and that shows very little empathy for men in general and out fears and insecurities. I still don't see how the woman getting child custody is related to marriage. If you have a child with a woman and she leaves you, she will take your child whether you married her or not. So it's not marriage you should be afraid of, it's having kids with a woman who might leave you. I'd actually expect that a woman is more likely to leave with the kids if you're unmarried than if you're married. As for her not having to give him a dime - he doesn't give her a dime either, the money he pays is for his kids (unless he's paying alimony, which isn't always the case).
Author luvflower Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 I get that your childhood and crazy ex has left you with fears about women and marriage, but what did this thread have to do with any of your beliefs about these subjects? This wasn't even about a marriage or a divorce but its somehow become another Woggle educates us on the dangers of women and marriage thread. What up with that? You could have let this OP have her thread and topic and just revived one of your own or started a new one. I feel like I've wandered into the Why Don't Men Listen to Women thread by accident. Lol, it's all good sally4sara. I can appreciate the minimal topic diversions. Each one usually makes this thread a bit richer and gives us a different perspective from which to look at the original topic. Woggle is a *special* guy... Seems as though many of the points he hit on in his posts relate to why some men don't take a more assertive approach to marriage as being the next level of commitment in relationships. However, this still doesn't explain why it seems as though men take us females for granted when we're laid back and don't discuss marriage much. Perhaps one of the LS members who is in a NEW relationship could do a test where she never nags about marriage, only discusses it every now and then...and see where the relationship goes. Of course there'd be plenty of variables in such an experiment, but I'd like some answers... I know relationships are gambles, but there are no cheat sheets for the many nuances of a relationship. Seems like the institution of marriage fading away as less people get married and more people get divorced. Then children who are products of broken homes end up having these unhealthy relationships and/or never really have anyone to model to them how to get, accept and maintain a good relationship...what to look for and what to ignore in potential mates. Although many of us are adults, many of us are just as confused as some teenagers. (Now I'm going into a new thread) I'm a product of a broken home;parents split when I was 4. My father acted almost the same as my soon 2b X, in that they are both controlling, play mind games when you don't do what they want you to do, and they give lots of attention. My father gives lots of attention from a distance and superficially, but was absent for most of my life and gave no support to my mother. I'll give my X credit, he does pay child support, but does not see his child...And he does help me financially and is possessive of my time, but is quite passive aggressive when I don't call him as much or when he gets jealous, etc. How are we supposed to avoid people we don't need when it's already ingrained in us from early childhood? (next thread, so don't try and jack me for it!)...lol.
Questionis Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 Wow,where did you get these quotes? Did I miss this from a previous post or did it come from you? All from me,(well what i've heard) I have them in quotes because I need them to illustrate my point but I don't like the way they are used!
Author luvflower Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 All from me,(well what i've heard) I have them in quotes because I need them to illustrate my point but I don't like the way they are used! Gotcha...figured that, but wasn't sure. Thanks. Those ideals really ARE sad. Looks like no men came forth to deny them either. That's even more disappointing...
Author luvflower Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 (edited) After all my efforts to keep him out and regain my own sanity, I let him come back to get his things and stay (week)until he gets another spot of his own. So once he came back in he tries to stop me from moving to another city(where I was trying to find another job). The job didn't go through, but he didn't know it. So he keeps talking about "us" finding another spot closer to "his" job. 2 days ago he finds another apartment...but he wants us both to live there. After telling him yesterday that I think I should stay in my own place(for obvious reasons), he calls me today acting like it's his idea for us to stay in our own places...?? He called me while he was working just to share "his" idea then waited a moment of silence . When I didn't say much he says, "right...that's what you wanted right...?" Is this an example of the game playing or is it just insanity?...seriously... Now I'm really upset w/myself for even allowing him to come back a few until he found another apartment. But I do care for him and after some of the things he's done for me I didn't want to leave him out there like that... Yep...so that's that. I feel like I'm starting all over again with my own healing. I hate that. And... he had the nerve to give it a try again and asked me if I wanted to get engaged...? what kind of question is that ,phrased like that and during this point in time...He played in down once he saw me giggle in disbelief... Edited February 5, 2011 by luvflower
Questionis Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 What's happening now? Is he nagging you still?
AverageJoe Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 But back to the point. Why do proposals seem to come many times when the female is about to break up w/ the guy?? My logic was, if he could propose then, why couldn't he do it earlier on when I mentioned not being comfortable shacking. Perhaps I'm partially to blame...or not...? Oh, this is as simple as it gets. It's to keep you from sleeping with someone else.
Author luvflower Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 What's happening now? Is he nagging you still? Now he's still here and yes he is still nagging me, only in different ways. Not sure exactly what you're referring to but yeah he is...His eating habits, the way he talks on the phone to customer service when being asked questions...little stuff like that make me go..."what...in the world was I thinking all these 2yrs&1/2. He found another place and should be out for good this week. He asked me to take him by there today while he picked up a new bike he bought. So he seems happy, but still acting like he can't make a decision. He's been going back and forth with his decisions,saying he found a place, next minute he's saying he may just stay w/me...as if that's an option at this point...I was the one who told HIM to leave. as another poster mentioned. "he came crawling back" after i told him to leave. then he started acting as if he didnt care much about anything concerning me. I think he's trying to feel me out. He even asked me what I thought he should do about an apartment...All I've said is that "it's up to you. I'm sure you'll find something that you like".
Author luvflower Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 He keeps saying "we're still going to see each other. We'll rotate nights. Some nights at my place, some nights at yours"...In my mind i'm like "little do you know". Is he in denial or is he fishing...I'm planning on having the locks changed even when he gives me my key back. He may not give it back. He wanted to have a key to my places for like a year but i refused b/c he acted too bizarre...Every single time he thinks that I'm not concerned about him or a situation, he pushes himself on me and it's a big turn off. My thing is that if it wasnt working before, what makes him think anything is going to workout now that I'm fed up w/ him. I am going to miss someone being there with me at times and I might even miss some things about him b/c he could be sweet. The game playing or the real him(codependency or whatever) only pushed me away. Other than that I'm ready to get my peace back...
muse08 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Sounds like he's truly in denial and/or trying to see how you will respond to his last ditch efforts to stay with you. Has he actually secured an apartment yet? He may be faking...
Author luvflower Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 No, he hasn't secured an apt yet. Just today he says he applied for the apt and he was unable to get it b/c of credit. So he told me that and I suggested that he try other places. He said that he still may not be able to get into another place due to the same reason. He claims he found a few places this afternoon and will be looking into them this week. I think he wants a pity party. I can't just put him out on the street, 4real...he's never done that to me. Plus he's paid the rent (entirely) for this month... Do I now give him till the end of the month? week? The annoying thing about living with someone you're trying to separate from is that it's hard to separate old habits and concerns. E.g. he just called me saying that he's at his mom's house and I hear his brother in the bkgrnd. His mother was probably bad mouthing me as we spoke...It's whatever at this point. I'll charge it to the game... This is the main reason I want him out, so that I can have my peace of mind back. It's coming back slowly, but hasn't come back entirely. And I know it won't until he's gone from my living space!
muse08 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Sounds like you have some work to do, i.e. standing firm in your word. He's going to see how long you will keep him around. Be ready for a "pity party". I'm sure he's done lots of nice things for you, but he's also brought drama into your life and "you" have to be the one to stop allowing him to do so.
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