when a 20 year old finds out the person she's interested in is 10 years older?!

[celestica.]

So, I have a crush on a 30 year old man, whom I have been pursuing pretty consistently for a few months now. Not anything too forward, but very subtle displays of my interest. However, upon further investigation (which reads: me asking him), I found out that he's 30. I'm 20 myself, and I had no idea that he was 30 (he looks much younger to me, but since he told me that, I guess he could be 30?). Him being 30 explains a lot of things to me (since I'm sure he always knew I was younger than him). He has a very hot and cold nature, so sometimes I'm sure he's interested and other times, I'm not so sure. We both work at the same job (one of those jobs you use just to pay bills until you find something better), and he is a student like me... so, I just naturally assumed (when you assume, you make an ******* out of yourself). I'm sure if I had been paying closer attention, I would've been able to put two and two together, but now I feel like such an idiot since I went months being interested in this man without finding out his age first! It just makes me so uncomfortable because I'm well aware that a 20 year old, and a 30 year old, are at different stages of life mentally, and since he's so much more older than I, I fear that he might have kids (but judging from where I live... that really doesn't mean much... from my age alone, I should have 2 kids by now). I am highly upset, I'm trying to not let it bug me, but I am completely embarrassed and feel like I wasted time and energy. We can still be friends, but the idea of dating somebody that much older than me, makes me feel ashamed and I would be mortified if my co-workers found out (I guess that's the immaturity in me). My older brother keeps telling me that it isn't a big deal and if I like him, I like him, and I can't help it because I honestly didn't know, but I just feel so bad now, and don't know how to carry it now since things have been receptive. I just feel embarrassed since I was obviously showing my interest, and he probably thought I was a weird little girl... it took so long for him to warm up to the idea of me. Thoroughly confused. Should I just give up, or stay with my friendship approach? I do have 30 year old friends, I just would think to never date them.

[mo mo]

I say go for it. You are both students and you work at the same job so you might actually be at very similar stages in your lives. You never know what could happen!!

[somedude81]

I don't see any issue at all.

 

As mo mo said, if you're at the same job and are both students, you're probably at the same life stage.

 

If he hasn't been married and doesn't have any kids, what's the problem?

[celestica.]

you guys are prob right. the 10 year thing just throws me off so much. thanks for reading/responding!

[collegeguy_24]

I've always thought 10 years was to big a difference, just be mindful that going in that things miht not work out

[Lil1]

I can understand why you would have reservations now that you found out he is 10 years your senior. You are both at different stages in life simply for the fact that he has lived and experienced more than you have. Does knowing that he is that much older than you change the way you feel about him? Have you found out if he has kids? If you find yourself still thinking about him nonstop and thinking 'what if' then you should put the age difference aside and give him a chance. Besides, they say 30s is the new 20s! lol

[musemaj11]

I judge how someone looks more than what her real age is.