mercedesgirl Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Hi, my Dad is dying with cancer and it is now down to days!!!! This weekend me and my OH had planned to attend a car meet with friends. I wasnt able to go because I have been spending this precious time with my Dad. My OH went to the meet but wasnt able to come up to see me after because he said it would be more in fuel and would mean that he was spending all the weekend driving! I feel so hurt, I have told him many times this weekend how much I need him, but he just says its not possible!!! This is the first weekend apart anyways, without the added upset with my Dad, I just dnt know what to do, do I say anything to him. Maybe he cant deal with the situation but he should still be able to be with me at this time. Thanks for reading x
creighton0123 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 If it is possible for him to get there (meaning only a few hours drive) and he won't lose his job for taking the extra, unexpected time off, tell him you need him there right now and that you wouldn't ask if you didn't mean it. Hell... my boyfriend is in Japan and I'm in Boston. If he suddenly called me and said "I need you here as soon as you can get here," money would not stop me from getting to him. Just saying. A relationship is 95% being together romantically and socially - wanting to be together. The rare 5% (perhaps much less) - you need to be together not as lovers, but as best friends and support in times of need and emergency. If he can do the former but fails at the more important latter, have a serious talk with him. Of course, wait until after your current situation settles down. / hug from all of us at LS.
aerogurl87 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 You know what people do when you need them the most is a good indicator of whether or not you should keep them in your life. If they bail when you need them the most, then that means more than likely they're more of a "fair weather" type. They'll be there when things are easy, but when things get really hard they won't be for whatever reason. Yes he may be overwhelmed by your situation, but that doesn't matter. He's your boyfriend and being there for you emotionally should be more important to him than gas unless he won't have enough money to pay rent or get food if he came to see you, which I doubt. This is a red flag to me.
creighton0123 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 This is a red flag to me. Yeah, this is major red flag. Mercedes, you should deal with it after. Focus on your father now. You needn't worry about the boyfriend who might not be a boyfriend when there are other things in your life that need your focus. Your family is first now. I/we're sorry for what you're going through... / hug
folieadeux Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I'm so sorry to hear this, Mercedes. I couldn't agree more with the others...you can really tell who really cares about you in times of emergency like this. He isn't worth your time right now at all.
Faded_x Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this. Is it possible that he just wants to give you this time to spend solely with your dad? I know if my boyfriend was going through the same situation, I'd be hesitant to be there, as I feel that it is a time for family and close friends. Of course I'd love to be there for him, but I wouldn't feel right intruding on private family time; particularly if the rest of his family preferred for it to be only family (which I would understand). I'd feel kind of in the way at that time, and wouldn't want to make any of his other family members uncomfortable. That being said, if he was really asking for me; I'd for sure be there. But I just wanted to point out that perhaps his reasons aren't entirely selfish. I definitely agree with those saying that this should be sorted out at a later date. No use wasting time dealing with this, when you have other important matters.
Author mercedesgirl Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Thanks for your replies. Well, didnt expect that!!!!!! Dad passed away at 10.15pm last nite. All the family were there, he passed peacefully in his sleep. I will deal with any 'other' issues when I am ready Thanks x
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