dng Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I can't tell anyone so I'll tell everyone. I miss laying in bed on a sunday morning, half asleep, watching her after shower rituals that I can still replay in my head step by step. I knew everything about her body, her intimacy, her ways and I understood the whys and the hows. Every little mole, scratch, every inch of it. I miss pinching her thighs as she walked by and the smile I got in return. I miss just looking in her eyes and see all the love that was there, for a time. I still find hairpins and broches under the couches and under the bed, I keep them for a few days and then I trash them with whatever feelings I have left for her.
liverpool fc Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I can't tell anyone so I'll tell everyone. I miss laying in bed on a sunday morning, half asleep, watching her after shower rituals that I can still replay in my head step by step. I knew everything about her body, her intimacy, her ways and I understood the whys and the hows. Every little mole, scratch, every inch of it. I miss pinching her thighs as she walked by and the smile I got in return. I miss just looking in her eyes and see all the love that was there, for a time. I still find hairpins and broches under the couches and under the bed, I keep them for a few days and then I trash them with whatever feelings I have left for her. sounds like you have had a break up or something and you are finding it hard to cope with the loss?
CailinPig Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I hear ya!! Let me add to it. I was last with this guy the year before last... We just stopped contacting each other 7 weeks ago I miss seeing the love in his eyes for me I miss when I yawned he used to poke his finger in my mouth to annoy me I miss watching him playing drums and thinking he was the hottest guy ever I miss his cute smile and white teeth, and the way his eye teeth overlapped his other teeth just a little i miss cuddling into his neck and smelling his aftershave and feeling really safe I miss the sound of his voice, deep and accented I miss his kisses I miss his considerate texts and phone calls Basically, I miss him. It has not stopped after all this time, and I wonder if it ever will.
lululucy Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I miss that we could fit so well together, my back curved perfectly into his torso. I miss falling asleep on his chest while we watched You've Been Framed on my laptop. I miss him looking at me and saying "**** you're beautiful" as if he had just suddenly been reminded and couldn't believe his luck.
Nick71 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I miss feeling wanted & loved, alive . . . feeling 'normal'
Xewkija Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I can't tell anyone so I'll tell everyone. I miss laying in bed on a sunday morning, half asleep, watching her after shower rituals that I can still replay in my head step by step. I knew everything about her body, her intimacy, her ways and I understood the whys and the hows. Every little mole, scratch, every inch of it. I miss pinching her thighs as she walked by and the smile I got in return. I miss just looking in her eyes and see all the love that was there, for a time. I still find hairpins and broches under the couches and under the bed, I keep them for a few days and then I trash them with whatever feelings I have left for her. Same here man. Can't stop.
stopthemadness Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Same here man. Can't stop. Wow! everyone stop it. Your only hurting your selfs. We all will fall in love again and have all those things and more!! But it will be with smone who is crazy about us. Dont give up hope. Dont hurt your self by remembering all that stuff. Remember instead what jerks they were to leave us. And remember that they arent crying over us....
Xewkija Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Wow! everyone stop it. Your only hurting your selfs. We all will fall in love again and have all those things and more!! But it will be with smone who is crazy about us. Dont give up hope. Dont hurt your self by remembering all that stuff. Remember instead what jerks they were to leave us. And remember that they arent crying over us.... It's kinda hard. Everything around me theirs a memory, everywhere I go theirs a memory. They way we started out was probably a way no one else has ever started out. I also can't blame her for wanting a break. I just wish someone would have told me what I was doing wrong. If she moves on; I will try my best also. This does not mean I'm not trying to move on but I'm doing my best. I also read somewhere on here about falling in love again... what about the people that don't find love again and don't have someone to love and have a family with and end up dying lonely? My aunt has no one cause she never found love again and she's getting a bit old now.
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 stopthemadness thanks. i needed that cold water in the face. you made me smile. i was reading how everyone miss their someone. and how i missed mine and was about to list it and i was feeling the tears form and intense pain. and then saw your post and SPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH REALITY CHECK. and it actallu made me smile. i think to heal its good to discharge and let go feelings that we still have for them...but then we need people like you splashing us with that cold water to make us feel a bit alive again and get us out of this grief and mourning. just for this time...i will add....i do miss his sweet brown eyes and his awesome smile i miss the sound of his voice, his calls to me everyday, our long chats...us just being on the phone together. miss watching "our" shows together i miss going to him for his awesome advise. in fact i almost feel like calling hima nd asking him how to get over him. because he had all the answers and his advise was always good for me and he had a way of just knowing...the outcome would be ok. i miss the strenght he gave me and as someone else said on here..i miss feeling normal and happy. i miss his colone. i miss his body and his skin tone...different than mine... i miss the way he spoke in english and spanish. he mastered both languages better than i could one. i miss the way he looked in my eyes. i miss his gentleness. i miss how we both prayed together almost everyday. i miss hearing his voice 1st thing in the morning and last at night and all thru the day. i miss how he knew me when he loved me and cared. i miss wrapping my arms around him. i miss his visits and the prospect of them. i miss him in my life and the prospect of a happier life with him in it. please splash me in the face again and shake me this time. shake the want of him out of me, the missing him and the self loathing from me blowing it. i miss my old best friend
heel_ing Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 (edited) This is the deepest loss that any of us will probably ever face, with the exception of death, which of course is pretty much what it is, but different. I'm beginning to disagree with the advice that you can use anger, or "remebering all the bad stuff" as a primary means of getting over someone. In this day and age, most of us are too wise and intelligent for that to work, especially if you have what you felt to be a "soul connection." You can't not remember the good, and grieve deeply its loss, you just have to do it. Sure, remember what didn't work, that is necessary. But that's not gonna take you the whole way. just time, time, time, time, time time...............................time, time, time, time.............time, time, time..........however time makes the loss "file-able" into the psyche, I don't think you ever "get over" truly. You, we, all miss the truth of who we are, reflected back to us by another. You all speak of real love, of real connection. That's why we suffer so greatly. You opened your heart completely to this person. They did the same to you. You reflected the beauty and truth of each other, back to each other. Guess what, that's also extremely ****ing scary. And pretty much no one can handle it after a while. That's why it ends. Its too much. It will happen again. And it may end again. But remember its in you, not them ultimately. You are all great people. And yes, you are all flawed people. I am a great person. I am a flawed person. Mates are mirrors. Edited January 31, 2011 by heel_ing
stopthemadness Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Ok lets try this instead.They do not miss the sound of your voice because they are hearing the new persons voice! They do not miss looking into your eyes because they are looking into smone elses eyes! They do not miss wrapping their arms around you because? you guessed it. They are wrapping their arms around smone else. They do not miss you as their friend because they now have a new best friend. A therapist once told me. If them being happy means not being with me? Then thats what that means. I too am still in the healing process, my breakup was 7 months ago. But i still feel all of your guys pain. Things do get better, try not to dwell. Keep your mind busy and let time heal you. Because want it to or not it will. Hang in there...
lululucy Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 You, we, all miss the truth of who we are, reflected back to us by another. You all speak of real love, of real connection. That's why we suffer so greatly. You opened your heart completely to this person. They did the same to you. You reflected the beauty and truth of each other, back to each other. Guess what, that's also extremely ****ing scary. And pretty much no one can handle it after a while. That's why it ends. Its too much. It will happen again. And it may end again. But remember its in you, not them ultimately. You are all great people. And yes, you are all flawed people. I am a great person. I am a flawed person. Mates are mirrors. I found so much truth in your post. It is scary. And I look forward to the day I can just look back on the connection with pleasure instead of pain. And maybe find another mirror.. one day.
Whatshername Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I miss things, but dwelling on them only keeps me from moving forward. I told myself some very harsh things. They might all not be 100% true, but honestly, he cheated, never apologized, and threw our relationship away, so what if-ing isn't going to do me any good, so I took the opposite approach. He never truly loved me, bc if he did, he could not have hurt me like that. He is not sorry, because he is too selfish to care about anyone but himself. He told me he never loved her(it was an ex gf) but I told myself, he probably does. He is a liar he is a coward, because he was not even honest, nor would he admit his wrongdoings to my face. He was never going to marry me. My hopes and dreams were all in my imagination, because the man I thought he was does not exist. Sorry, but healing is more important than missing his sorry ass.
heel_ing Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I found so much truth in your post. It is scary. And I look forward to the day I can just look back on the connection with pleasure instead of pain. And maybe find another mirror.. one day. If you found any truth in my words then, thank you. I find great truth in your words as well. I just finished an email to someone saying the exact same thing. Actually, I'll just quote the email: "I wish I could stop missing her, and just be done with the grief, and not be constantly haunted by the memories (and the fact that she's just down the hill the place we used to share). But what can you do. Perhaps I should instead wish for my heart to soften and to achieve a state where I can wish her well without ulterior motives or a desire to reconnect. I have no control really over the mental stuff." I try not to be a too much of a hippie new ager anymore Even though that is my past and what I used to be. But my experience recently has left me with no recourse :0 I could be angry and bitter, or I could find a path to make myself strong again. I'm finding that path.
Whatshername Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 To wish them well and not have any ill feelings IS the ultimate and I am sure in time this will come for me. It's only been a month, and the relationship was 4.5 years, so at times it still seems SO fresh, as we had some contact/communication but the relationship was not restored. I was hurting awfully, then angry, now I am trying to NOT miss/dwell on missing/loving him....so I sort of devised the negative mindset to not be all sad and cry........I know I will never hate him........I am simply calling spade a spade. He DID cheat and never admitted or apologized, and I always had the utmost respect for him until this happened.
IfiKnewThen Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 heel ing i liked what you had to say and it really resonated with me. and i found it comforting. you are quite the poet soul i see. or it almost felt like poetry..the way it struck me. anyway i plan on reading your post again because it made me believe that with "time" the pain and longing and missing will subside ............somehow. i wish i could hate him. i don't. it's me who i am hating for feeling like i ruined my life. a life i could have had with him. i never met anyone who ever treated me this good. it was 10 years of bliss. bliss for me....frustration and hardship and sacrifice for him. well, i feel his goodness was finally repaid in life. happily married now with someone else. it's a long story..don't hate me completely. but i didn't give to him what he gave to me...but somehow i felt i couldn't at the time. but i know i could have treated him better and not taken him for granted. the point being....i loved before and lost once before but it wasn't a REAL loss because the other guy in life was a crap head. but the one i grieve over now was a REAL loss because he was so good and was a gem. and more importantly became my best friend and felt like my family. in the end though he didnt care how he treated me. and that was the hardest part. he treated me like i was never anything to him and i even feel like he hates me. i feel anger in his voice every time. it's easier to let go and HEAL when they were really no good for you. but, when they were good for you and YOU blew it....it's so hard to live with that. so all i can measure is the good i had and is not there now. the passion that was there and is not there now and i know wont be. i see loss all around me. and i beg the Lord God above that "time" will make this all subside and go away somehow. i wish he would tell me he cheated. i wish i would find out dirt about him. but even then i forgive him because i feel i was so bad, as compared to his "goodness". if you guys out there reading this have something bad to focus on...i think that is your ticket out if the anger doesnt 'grip you" and destroy you. i think ager is good for a SHORT time. but like Heel ing says...what may be healing is " remember what didn't work, that is necessary. But that's not gonna take you the whole way." time............and love and forgiveness either of them............or ONESELF. in my case i have to forgive myself ...somehow....and believe it....and i have to find happiness in my current situation and hope and pray romantic love can be had within that situation again. the bottom line is i want to feel real lasting joy again. not just a mere distraction for 5 mins and i am back to thinking about him again...and longing and regretting and hurting....and sadness. time be on all on side.
heel_ing Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 (edited) @ ifiknewthen I think you're being rather hard on yourself. He wouldn't have been with you if you didn't have YOUR love to give. You're blaming yourself still for the dissolusion of the relationship. Those tears we cry for the mistakes we feel we made are really for the loss itself. Please believe it was not your fault. There's no logical way that the end of a relationship is someone's fault. Relationships end because the energy of the situation, for WHATEVER reasons, does not support its existence anymore. If he's angry and cold with you now, its because he's probably really hurt too. Anger/frustration is shutting down.... Edited January 31, 2011 by heel_ing
Mavisse Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I miss the silly voicemails. I miss the sighs. I miss his shoulders, and his hands, and his laugh. I miss him calling me his "baby." I miss his messages, all bolded and all-caps and exclamation points, telling me how hard he had fallen in love. I miss all the crazy plans and dreams and having so much to look forward to. I think it's important for me to remember what was excellent, because I won't ever move on if I dwell on what sucked. I'm gonna be OK.
810 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 (edited) i miss how he lit the tealight candles at bed time because i can't sleep in the dark. i miss how he wrapped his arms around the blanket with me in it. i miss our reading time together. i miss how he knew what i wanted to say without having me to say it. i miss watching him working at this desk...how he tilted his head when he concentrated on his work. i miss his smiles, laughters, his voice, his "oh, honey." i miss how he pinned me against wall and kissed me. i miss how he kissed my shoulder and told me that he loved me. i miss watching him sleep. i miss looking at his face with the sun shone through the window pane. i miss how his fingers locked with mine. i miss how a perfect man he was ...a perfect gentleman...i learned much about chivalry because of him. i miss cooking for him at lunch. i miss the way he was in the kitchen. i miss how he cooked dinner for us. i miss driving to him. over lunch today, a friend told me how my eyes glazed over with love when i talked about him. she asked if i missed him and i told her that i really do. it's been 2 years and i admit that i do miss him now and then. and it's important to me to remember the good times because i know if i had found my perfect man, then i will find my perfect match someday. Edited January 31, 2011 by 810
Author dng Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Wow I didnt mean to cause all this upheaval. I wanted to get it off my chest and I can't really talk about this to anyone anymore...
IfiKnewThen Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 dng i know. no one wants to hear from us anymore...about how we hurt. how they were. and worst of all...they dont want to hear it or we cant tell them. heel ing thank you for your words and insight. i know he was with me because i had my love to give and he waited for me to show him again. he said the 1st 5 years were amazing...but that he felt he did all the giving the next 5. and it was true. because of my circumstances..illness...disability....fears.....mom's death.....problems with my daughter at the time.....finances...on and on it goes...i was tense....not demonstrative with the love i felt inside. we were also miles apart..across the country. but he hung on and was my best friend and then youre correct, in that as you said " Relationships end because the energy of the situation, for WHATEVER reasons, does not support its existence anymore." he lost his energy for me. he said "i can't row the boat anymore". he was passive aggressive about it though. kept all these negative thoughts about me in his head all the time .. but telling me positive. telling me he was going to move to me....meanwhile looking to get away from me and coldly ending it without a word. made me feel like he couldnt talk to me. i know i was strong headed and outspoken at times. perhaps he felt i would have convinced him differently. but he did some real mean things in the end and he knew me better and how sensitive i was and it was wrong of him to do all this stuff to me. anyway heel ing. your thoughts and insight mattered. and is helpful. thank you. i appreciate it . quote: Those tears we cry for the mistakes we feel we made are really for the loss itself. Please believe it was not your fault. this is what i have to work on. i am feeling so upset with myself for not treating him better like he deserved and blowing it all to kingdom come
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