musemaj11 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 All these "Boobs are awesome" comments are leaving me feeling a wee bit insecure. I have small boobs...like an A cup. Does that mean my body is not considered desirable in your worlds? Comments like that are what make women so insecure and self-critical. Big boobs are awesome doesnt mean small boobs are bad. Most men are just happy to have a woman.
florence of suburbia Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 The title of this thread should be, "Mothers tend to see their daughter's bodies as worse than they really are" (I don't know what your dad's problem is.)
january2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 The title of this thread should be, "Mothers tend to see their daughter's bodies as worse than they really are" (I don't know what your dad's problem is.) Now that would be an interesting thread. On a personal note, my mum tended to be very complimentary towards me and my siblings regarding our appearance - despite being very critical over our choice of partners, education, career aspirations, etc. Sometimes I even detect a note of envy, which seems rather odd coming from my mum. From what I can remember, most of the confidence I have over my physical appearance came from comments from partners and other women as well as how I see myself.
harmfulsweetz Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I think it's rude to call someone skinny, just as it is to call someone fat. I believe the proper word here is slender. Skinny to me, means skin and bones. Fat to me means huge and close to obese. I'm slender, but I have big boobs and a nice plump round butt with a flat stomach. So, if this is the case that men tend to like view women's bodies better than they really are, then I must be superb:D Then again, maybe that's why all men only want me for my body. So that's the down side. Skinny doesn't have the same negative connotations as fat does. A person would much sooner be called skinny, than be called fat anyday. Fat implies greed, laziness and all sorts of things. Skinny does not. It's true, I used to think guys would not have sex with me if they saw what was underneath the clothes, but they carry on and just focus on the typical bits i.e boobs. We spend so much time thinking of these "flaws" fearing men will turn us down or run a mile as soon as they see them, but they don't. They probably don't even notice, and if they do, they may even like them. I've always thought my butt was big, but every guy I've been with has said he loves it, and other guys comment that they like it too. It's strange the things men like. Women have in their minds the ideal body shape, and often it's the exact opposite of what we are. If you are skinny, often you may desire more curves, if you are bigger, you desire less curves. It's true in all areas, me and my friend discussed this a while ago. She has extremely curly hair, and I have straight hair, she wants straight hair and I want curly hair. It's the opposites thing, perhaps because when we look at someone else having something different, we see the benefits of that, and want it for ourselves. Does that even make sense? Guys are just a lot less judgmental than we give them credit for being, because we are so hard on ourselves. To tell the truth, I'd rather have the few extra pounds, eat what I like and enjoy my life, than limit myself and have a "good" body. Apparently, according to a survey done in the UK, around 70% of men love it when a woman eats more than they do. Of course, I could do with losing some weight, but ultimately, I'd rather learn to accept what I have, than live my life trying to attain what I haven't. Men accept us far more than we accept ourselves, because in the mirror, we don't ever see what others see. We see a distorted version of ourselves, where every lump and bump is pronounced, every mark highlighted, every little flaw appears to be glowing neon, and other people do not see this. They see us, clearer than we ever could. Also, if a man recoils at the sight of you naked, and is repulsed, I'd have to wonder if he was blind up until that point. Because if a woman is so repulsively "big" or whatever, or if he likes his girls skinny, no amount of clothing will decrease/alter the size that much. That's what I figure in any case. I'm such a skitz about my size now (I was slightly smaller in college/school) that when a guy from my high school (who I liked) asked me out last year via text, I didn't go for fear of rejection based on weight. The most recent guy I've been with, who I slept with, I thought to myself "if he rejects me based on my weight, his problem, not mine." But his eyes were elsewhere, and otherwise busy with the advantages of a little extra weight.
harmfulsweetz Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 You seem to have a healthy attitude and are the minority. I'm not not talking about those like you. I'm talking about how the masses react as soon as a girl has body issues. The finger is instantly pointed at what they think guys want. It's seriously got to stop. I don't want to pick a fight, I'm pointing out what happens in these situations. This is derailing a perfectly good topic, OG didn't make the thread about how women blame all of their insecurities on men and what men desire. It's quite the opposite. It's about women learning that men do not view their body's quite so judgementally. Let's stay on topic, otherwise it'll just get closed because you've missed the point.
zengirl Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 The title of this thread should be, "Mothers tend to see their daughter's bodies as worse than they really are" (I don't know what your dad's problem is.) While OG's situation with her mother is sad, is it really systematic? My mother always told me I was beautiful, etc. She made me a nervous wreck about a million other things, but she always was good about fostering my self-esteem about my looks. Of course, she also instilled a "Looks aren't everything" attitude in me as well.
Gypsy_Soul Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Skinny doesn't have the same negative connotations as fat does. A person would much sooner be called skinny, than be called fat anyday. Fat implies greed, laziness and all sorts of things. Skinny does not. It's true, I used to think guys would not have sex with me if they saw what was underneath the clothes, but they carry on and just focus on the typical bits i.e boobs. We spend so much time thinking of these "flaws" fearing men will turn us down or run a mile as soon as they see them, but they don't. They probably don't even notice, and if they do, they may even like them. I've always thought my butt was big, but every guy I've been with has said he loves it, and other guys comment that they like it too. It's strange the things men like. Women have in their minds the ideal body shape, and often it's the exact opposite of what we are. If you are skinny, often you may desire more curves, if you are bigger, you desire less curves. It's true in all areas, me and my friend discussed this a while ago. She has extremely curly hair, and I have straight hair, she wants straight hair and I want curly hair. It's the opposites thing, perhaps because when we look at someone else having something different, we see the benefits of that, and want it for ourselves. Does that even make sense? Guys are just a lot less judgmental than we give them credit for being, because we are so hard on ourselves. To tell the truth, I'd rather have the few extra pounds, eat what I like and enjoy my life, than limit myself and have a "good" body. Apparently, according to a survey done in the UK, around 70% of men love it when a woman eats more than they do. Of course, I could do with losing some weight, but ultimately, I'd rather learn to accept what I have, than live my life trying to attain what I haven't. Men accept us far more than we accept ourselves, because in the mirror, we don't ever see what others see. We see a distorted version of ourselves, where every lump and bump is pronounced, every mark highlighted, every little flaw appears to be glowing neon, and other people do not see this. They see us, clearer than we ever could. Also, if a man recoils at the sight of you naked, and is repulsed, I'd have to wonder if he was blind up until that point. Because if a woman is so repulsively "big" or whatever, or if he likes his girls skinny, no amount of clothing will decrease/alter the size that much. That's what I figure in any case. I'm such a skitz about my size now (I was slightly smaller in college/school) that when a guy from my high school (who I liked) asked me out last year via text, I didn't go for fear of rejection based on weight. The most recent guy I've been with, who I slept with, I thought to myself "if he rejects me based on my weight, his problem, not mine." But his eyes were elsewhere, and otherwise busy with the advantages of a little extra weight. I beg to differ that it does. The only way that it doesn't, is if someone already feels bad about their looks and weight to begin with and they WANT to be considered skinny. Usually the bigger, chubby, chunkier, or heftier people I find say skinny when describing or commenting about a person who is slender or fit. Not everyone is born being fit or slender, it takes hard work especially to maintain such a figure. So yes, it is rude when huger people compels them to comment on a persons size and say skinny.
zengirl Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 I beg to differ that it does. The only way that it doesn't, is if someone already feels bad about their looks and weight to begin with and they WANT to be considered skinny. Usually the bigger, chubby, chunkier, or heftier people I find say skinny when describing or commenting about a person who is slender or fit. Not everyone is born being fit or slender, it takes hard work especially to maintain such a figure. So yes, it is rude when huger people compels them to comment on a persons size and say skinny. See, but this isn't a universal "insult." Being called "skinny" doesn't bother me in the least. I'm a typical skinny Asian body type. I call myself skinny and consider it a compliment, unless it's said in a "You look like an anorexic Holocaust victim!" gaspy tone or something. But that's anything with tone.
Gypsy_Soul Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) See, but this isn't a universal "insult." Being called "skinny" doesn't bother me in the least. I'm a typical skinny Asian body type. I call myself skinny and consider it a compliment, unless it's said in a "You look like an anorexic Holocaust victim!" gaspy tone or something. But that's anything with tone. True, and fat isn't a universal "insult" either. Take a look at these placesObese women, also in certain parts of Africa it isn't considered an insult and I'm sure many other parts of the world. So if that's the best argument against being called FAT or SKINNY then I guess people shouldn't be offended when someone calls them such. Of course, in the right tone and all. Edited February 1, 2011 by GorgeousGirl
zengirl Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 True, and fat isn't a universal "insult" either. Take a look at these placesObese women, also in certain parts of Africa it isn't considered an insult and I'm sure many other parts of the world. So if that's the best argument against being called FAT or SKINNY then I guess people shouldn't be offended when someone calls them such. Of course, in the right tone and all. Fat is an insult in OUR culture (though I think people are oversensitive about that too; why would "plump" or "overweight" be any better?). Skinny is not universally an insult in our culture. Many times in Western pop culture it is used as a positive phrase. I'm not using an example of a separate culture.
heartshaped Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 You know what I will never understand- why people fixate on appearance so much. I'm much more concerned about a person's character traits than their appearance. I can't see someone making a relationship work with someone just solely based on their appearance either. I think whatever you may look like, you should love and accept yourself regardless especially if you expect someone else to do so in return. One of the most attractive things in the world is someone who is comfortable in their own skin.
Gypsy_Soul Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) Fat is an insult in OUR culture (though I think people are oversensitive about that too; why would "plump" or "overweight" be any better?). Skinny is not universally an insult in our culture. Many times in Western pop culture it is used as a positive phrase. I'm not using an example of a separate culture. Will you show me where you got your information that skinny is not universally an insult as you say in "our culture"? When you say OUR culture exactly what do you mean because I know the United States is made up of many diverse cultures. I'm Native American and have my own culture as well I know in many urban communities especially southern places in the U.S. where skinny is considered an insult. They think you don't eat, or you're a crackhead , you don't look healthy, when you're not even skin and bones, just slender and healthy. I grew up pretty much all over the U.S. and abroad and lived among many types of classes and cultures and nieghborhoods. LIke I said before I think most people's views of the world are limited. Mine actually involve the world. Edited February 2, 2011 by GorgeousGirl
Star Gazer Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 GG, here's proof that "skinny" isn't as universally insulting as calling someone fat. A friend you haven't seen in a while, who was once obese, has lost a lot of weight. When you see her, you might say, "Oh friend, you've gotten so skinny!" with a smile on your face in delight to see her. MANY women on the receiving end of that comment would LOVE to hear it. On the other hand, if a once slender friend gained 50 pounds, saying, "Oh friend, you've gotten so fat!" simply would NOT garner the same response.
USMCHokie Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 You know what I will never understand- why people fixate on appearance so much. I'm much more concerned about a person's character traits than their appearance. I can't see someone making a relationship work with someone just solely based on their appearance either. I think whatever you may look like, you should love and accept yourself regardless especially if you expect someone else to do so in return. One of the most attractive things in the world is someone who is comfortable in their own skin. It's an unfortunate truth that appearance is the first thing people observe when they meet someone new. Looks get you in the door, while personality and character keep you in the house...
zengirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Will you show me where you got your information that skinny is not universally an insult as you say in "our culture"? When you say OUR culture exactly what do you mean because I know the United States is made up of many diverse cultures. I'm Native American and have my own culture as well I know in many urban communities especially southern places in the U.S. where skinny is considered an insult. They think you don't eat, or you're a crackhead , you don't look healthy, when you're not even skin and bones, just slender and healthy. I grew up pretty much all over the U.S. and abroad and lived among many types of classes and cultures and nieghborhoods. LIke I said before I think most people's views of the world are limited. Mine actually involve the world. Mine involves the world, too. I call myself "skinny" all the time. I call my friends "skinny" when they lose weight. I sometimes say, "I wish I were as skinny as I used to be." Why do you assume only you operate in "the world" --- that seems odd. We all do. I've lived in many places, including many places outside the U.S. I don't exactly think my view of the world is myopic. Okay, some examples: FIRST I put "skinny" into Google News, and this was a top result: http://www.emaxhealth.com/4214/skipping-big-breakfast-wll-make-you-skinny-study-says Do you think it was a warning? I don't. I think it was advice. SECOND Skinny jeans. Would anybody buy a product called "Fat jeans." I get that being called "skinny" is one of your things. But this really isn't universal. Many women, even skinny women, still consider it a compliment.
Gypsy_Soul Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 That's not exactly proof, but I did mention what you wrote already. It's in a few posts back I believe. That usually the one's who don't get offended at being called skinny are usually the ones that were former fatties or wish they were what they believe to be better in their eyes as "SKINNY". . Which doesn't prove that either one isn't universally insulting. GG, here's proof that "skinny" isn't as universally insulting as calling someone fat. A friend you haven't seen in a while, who was once obese, has lost a lot of weight. When you see her, you might say, "Oh friend, you've gotten so skinny!" with a smile on your face in delight to see her. MANY women on the receiving end of that comment would LOVE to hear it. On the other hand, if a once slender friend gained 50 pounds, saying, "Oh friend, you've gotten so fat!" simply would NOT garner the same response.
Gypsy_Soul Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Just because you call your friends and yourself skinny and like it, that's not exactly the definition of the entire world either or of not having a myopic view of it. You should realize that not everyone finds being called skinny as a compliment. That is all I am saying. If you do enough research you will find that some find it offensive. As for the author of this article I'm sure that his or her belief that skinny is okay and that's an opinion that's why there's a disclaimer. Now the skinny jeans that's the problem right there. Yes, fashion. Guess who runs the fashion industry? Thats not really proof of this though. Just that people need to stop looking at the fashion industry to define them as a whole and/or a culture. Mine involves the world, too. I call myself "skinny" all the time. I call my friends "skinny" when they lose weight. I sometimes say, "I wish I were as skinny as I used to be." Why do you assume only you operate in "the world" --- that seems odd. We all do. I've lived in many places, including many places outside the U.S. I don't exactly think my view of the world is myopic. Okay, some examples: FIRST I put "skinny" into Google News, and this was a top result: http://www.emaxhealth.com/4214/skipping-big-breakfast-wll-make-you-skinny-study-says Do you think it was a warning? I don't. I think it was advice. SECOND Skinny jeans. Would anybody buy a product called "Fat jeans." I get that being called "skinny" is one of your things. But this really isn't universal. Many women, even skinny women, still consider it a compliment.
Star Gazer Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 That's not exactly proof, but I did mention what you wrote already. It's in a few posts back I believe. That usually the one's who don't get offended at being called skinny are usually the ones that were former fatties or wish they were what they believe to be better in their eyes as "SKINNY". . Which doesn't prove that either one isn't universally insulting. But it does. Some women enjoy being called skinny. NO WOMAN enjoys being called a "fatty," as you apparently call them.
zengirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Not all my friends are skinny FTR. I'm not sure if that's what your post was implying, GorgeousGirl. It's not like I disciminate amongst friends based on weight---that'd be silly. You should realize that not everyone finds being called skinny as a compliment. I do. My point is that not everyone considers it an insult and it is often considered complimentary in our society. You posited that only large women found it a compliment. I am the largest I have ever been, and I'm a small size 2, in great shape. I have no issues with it. I further gave you several other examples, all of which you've deemed irrelevant. You seem to be the one claiming to know what every one finds the word. I'm not interested in everyone's weird little issues and what they find insulting. The fact is, plenty of skinny women don't mind being called skinny. It's not anywhere near universally insulting, as you propose it is. Now the skinny jeans that's the problem right there. Yes, fashion. Guess who runs the fashion industry? Skinny people?
Jannah Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 I'm not interested in everyone's weird little issues and what they find insulting. The fact is, plenty of skinny women don't mind being called skinny. It's not anywhere near universally insulting, as you propose it is. Skinny people? It's only insulting, when it comes out of the mouth of a heavier person.
Gypsy_Soul Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 But it does. Some women enjoy being called skinny. NO WOMAN enjoys being called a "fatty," as you apparently call them. I only used that word to make a point. Apparently, what I've learned so far, is that it isn't insulting as long as it's used in the appropriate tone. Which I disagree. Right I agree some women enjoy being called skinny, but not all.
Star Gazer Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Right I agree some women enjoy being called skinny, but not all. Right, and therefore "skinny" is NOT a universally insulting word, because some like it. But again, NO WOMAN likes to be called fat. THAT WORD IS universally insulting.
Gypsy_Soul Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Not all my friends are skinny FTR. I'm not sure if that's what your post was implying, GorgeousGirl. It's not like I disciminate amongst friends based on weight---that'd be silly. I do. My point is that not everyone considers it an insult and it is often considered complimentary in our society. You posited that only large women found it a compliment. I am the largest I have ever been, and I'm a small size 2, in great shape. I have no issues with it. I further gave you several other examples, all of which you've deemed irrelevant. You seem to be the one claiming to know what every one finds the word. I'm not interested in everyone's weird little issues and what they find insulting. The fact is, plenty of skinny women don't mind being called skinny. It's not anywhere near universally insulting, as you propose it is. Skinny people? Universally speaking neither is being fat but when I mentioned this you changed it to culturally in a certain country and that's not universal. Anyway, I think it's both insulting to call someone fat, heavy, large, overweight, skinny, etc. It's just wrong to compare as well. I'm just saying not everyone thinks that it's nice.
zengirl Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Right I agree some women enjoy being called skinny, but not all. This was my point. Some (and not just a few, in some other culture, very foreign to our own, but a reasonable amount of women) like it. It's often not meant as an insult. "Fat" is never really meant as a compliment (these days, in Western society), unless you're talking about wallets or livestock. I was never suggesting that YOU had to like the word. Just that it wasn't necessarily meant as an insult every time someone says it. To be clear, I'm talking about solely Western modern day culture here, when I say universally. . . I mean universally in our culture.
Gypsy_Soul Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Right, and therefore "skinny" is NOT a universally insulting word, because some like it. But again, NO WOMAN likes to be called fat. THAT WORD IS universally insulting. LOL I just posted that fat isn't universally insulting. I even added a link showing that there are places that some find it attractive, but I won't post it again. So there:)
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