sallyhurts Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 I have been dating my current boyfriend for over 5 months now. he's 20. Im 19. Early on in our relationship I told my boyfriend and my bestfriend that they should be friends. big mistake on my part. he would tell me how he was at home all evening and he chatted with her for about 2 hours. I called him once at a public place, where she also was at, she asked who it was, i told her, and she proceeded to grab the phone out of my hand and started to talk to him out random stupid stuff. He occasionally tells me, "oh I talked to her about that online." and stuff like that. whenever he mentions he chats with her, i get extremley irritated. I confronted both of them about this. I confronted her once, which proceeded her not speeking with me for a week. she said i shouldnt tell someone to be friends with someone and proceed to take it back. i told her i realized that and i shouldnt have suggested it in the first place. I told him on several occasions that it bothered me, that i truely felt she had a crush on him and that it irritated me that he felt the need to chat with her. He told me i have probably have low self esteem and that i shouldnt worry because he's into me, not her. He even asked me once if i wanted him to stop talking to her, but i told him I cant tell him to do that, it would be too controlling. I really wanted to tell him yes, but i feel that would be ****ed up of me. Lately still, he'll say he chatted with her, or she wont even say she chatted with him, and he'll tell me they chatted and I get so irritated when her name even comes out of his mouth. Am i overracting? Ive always been jealous of her barbie doll looks...
Sundaymorning Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 I think that you got yourself into this mess, but it sucks. I guess if neither of them can respect your discomfort, I would honestly ditch them both. I kind of have been where you are and if the friend cant respect you, shes not worth your time.
jenny Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 you are not going to like to hear this, but might want to prep yourself. on brief inspection, this does not sound good, but i don't really know. i would suggest getting ready to accept the fact that he likes her. you may want to consider breaking up with him at this point, and start looking for a new best friend. sometimes people you love screw you over. it happens - don't stop trusting, but protect yourself in the future by setting firm boundaries. for now, start talking to your own guy friends and other female friends more, online or off, get to the gym, and get ready to emotionally detach. you cannot control anyone's actions but your own; handle this well, and like a lady. it's going to hurt, but don't give them the pleasure of breaking you. you are stronger and better than they are. think of the freedom you will have to date guys who will not be so easily and stupidly swayed, and befriend women of a higher caliber.
End of my rope Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 My boyfriends best friend and I are really good friends. We chat online, he comes over and hangs out when his wife and my fiance are at work and we're both bored, and we talk on the phone a lot. It's not like we're trying to jump in the sack together or anything. He's head over heels for his wife and I for my future hubby. My fiance wanted us to become better friends, and so we did. And I'm glad. Because now it he's out with him, I know he's not going to do anything stupid. I think you're over reacting. Did it occur to you that they are just friends? I mean, you suggested they become friends why be jealous now?
jenny Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 here is what i responded to: she does not like it, she asked them to stop, and they chose not to. her feelings are no longer a priority. i might be wrong. i have a ton of guy friends too, any of whom i would drop in a second if my fiance asked me to. her irritation smells like intuition to me. (which i normally would not accept as evidence, but i really sense her powerlessness here)
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