SinglePeaInThePoD Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Not sure what to make of this… Yesterday I was having intercourse with my boyfriend of like a year…..at some point during the act, he tried to initiate doggy(sry if this is too much info, but just to have an idea) and his phone rings-he answers. I got kind of turned off at that point, because it was his buddy and he told him wasn’t doing anything and that he was free for the night. So I pulled away and acted all coy. After he hung up he tried to initiate again and I just pulled the covers over me and we watched TV. After 15 minutes or so, he got up and I could tell he was nervous—he asked if he could take me home early. I asked why and he didn’t answer. I KNOW it’s because he was going to hang out with his friend….but why not just SAY that. He said he ‘doesn’t want to tell me because he doesn’t want me to feel unwanted” …I guess -___- I actually do feel unwanted. I guess because of how this was handled. We didn’t see each other for the week and I wanted to spend time with him…not be ditched and perhaps go out and do something for once! I had mentioned prior, things to do later that night. I guess I suck THATTT much. He hasn’t even made any contact the day after. So, I am not sure how I should approach this? I don’t want to come across as if he cannot hang out with his pals. It’s just how this all played out makes me feel so weird and used. I am offended….my friends say I should just end things with him. He is my first boyfriend, so I don’t have anything to compare to. I don’t know if this is normal, but think it’s kind of lame to ditch your girlfriend right after sex. He was so excited when his friend called. I don’t feel like he is ever that excited to see me…at all:(
carhill Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Taking a phone call during lovemaking isn't normal, IME. TBH, the way he appeared to act sounds more like FWB than BF/GF. The key phrase 'not be ditched and perhaps go out and do something for once' clued me in. I'm with your friends.
cmh2002 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I agree with your friends I would dump him and move on to someone that deserves your attention. Answering phone during sex is a big no no.
liverpool fc Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 i would agree with the others - it does seem rude how he was prioritising seeing his mates earlier then being with you, just remember you and him set some time aside for each other and he decides to go spend your time with him with his mates instead
denise_xo Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Yesterday I was having intercourse with my boyfriend of like a year…..at some point during the act, he tried to initiate doggy(sry if this is too much info, but just to have an idea) and his phone rings-he answers. :eek: More generally: I agree with your friends and the other posters on here.
spiderowl Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I'm sorry to hear your story and how upsetting this must have been. Your boyfriend's behaviour was totally disrespectful. Answering the 'phone in the middle of sex is not on and he should have apologised to you if he did it instinctively when it rang. You noticed he sounded excited to be talking to his friend and that he doesn't sound like that with you. I'd pay attention to that feeling - it's telling you something important. Telling his friend he wasn't doing anything must have been uncomfortable too. Rushing you away so he could see his friend is appalling. You were his girlfriend and had just been intimate with him. You should have been his first consideration, barring sick relatives. No wonder you feel bad about this whole thing. I think I'd agree with your friends that he's treated you badly and you should dump him. I know you haven't much experience with boys but trust your feelings. If they are making you feel bad, then they are not worthy of you. Draw a line and don't let any guy treat you badly, you will find then that you might not have quite so many boyfriends, but they will be quality guys.
Woman In Blue Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I got kind of turned off at that point, because it was his buddy and he told him wasn’t doing anything and that he was free for the night. Geez...could he minimize your existence in his life any MORE than that? I actually do feel unwanted. I guess because of how this was handled. We didn’t see each other for the week and I wanted to spend time with him…not be ditched and perhaps go out and do something for once! I'm really sorry, but I think you need to face the fact that you're not really a "girlfriend" to this guy at all. As another poster said, you're simply an FWB to him or even worse, just an FB (f*ck buddy). I say this because apparently, the ONLY thing you do with this guy is have sex when you see him. My first clue was the fact that you hadn't seen him for a week and you were relegated to the "afternoon shift" which consisted of a romp in the hay - while he excitedly made plans to go out WITHOUT you later that evening. And your statement about wanting to go out and DO something "for once" with him that evening - instead of being "ditched" after this jerk got his rocks off - tells the real story of how little you mean to him. Look Pea, when he acted as though you don't even exist while talking to his buddy on the phone DURING SEX WITH YOU, that was definitely your first clue that this is not a "relationship." And when it became apparent to him after he hung up that he wasn't going to get to finish having sex with you, you completely lost ALL worth to him. Instead of CARING about your feelings and how he'd just treated you, he just wanted you GONE. I'm sorry, but you really need to face the fact that the guy just doesn't care about you the way he should. Please do yourself a favor and dump his worthless ass yesterday.
Lucky_One Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 You KNOW that he treated you badly. Trust your inner feelings. If you ever question if a man is treating you badly, think about how you would like your future daughter to be treated by a man. If a scenario would be one in which your daughter is treated with disrespect, then it is disrespectful for any woman, including yourself. The only time I could understand my BF or H taking a telephone call would be one very late at night (we are at ages where our parents could suffer medical emergencies), That is what Caller ID is for - friends go on the back burner during love-making, business associates can leave messages, telemarketers can kiss our butts. Walk. With your head held high, and KNOWING that you are worth respect. You are WORTH a man rejoicing in the preciousness of your intimacy. (And if your intimate times are NOT being rejoiced at, then you are wasting your wonderfulness on someone who is unappreciative.)
purplepanda Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I would be so mad. I wouldn't hide, I'd leave. And if he said, "Where are you going?" I'd say "Oh I'm free for the night, I'm going to find something to do..." That's just the way i roll I guess. You deserve way better.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I'm afraid you've reached the end of the line with your first b/f, SPITP. He's shown you some disrespect. That's something that usually doesn't get better and eventually turns to contempt. You don't need that. And, this happens to a lot of well-deserving people so don't think it's you that caused it. You'll be stronger if you end it on your terms.
JohnnyCage Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 So let me get this straight. A boyfriend of 1 year deserves a split just because he answered his phone while having sex? I don't get how relationships can be ended so easily.
Ella whispers Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Seems to me you have 2 choices. Leave him and be determined and proud of your integrity or experience being unloved so you can appreciate a good man later. How do you want to look back on this time in your life? He sounds young.
JohnnyCage Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 So based on one incident everyone is advising her to dump him. Does anyone here (including the OP) know if that guy ditched his friends before to be with her? Maybe people look for a reason to get out of a relationship so that they can find another man/woman and have sex with them. Then after a few days/weeks/months they find something insignificant and break up with the new guy and then hunt for someone else.
Cee Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 I read the original post as this not being an isolated incident. Quote: He was so excited when his friend called. I don’t feel like he is ever that excited to see me…at all That's the nail in the coffin for me. Trust your gut. Run.
blind_otter Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 So based on one incident everyone is advising her to dump him. Does anyone here (including the OP) know if that guy ditched his friends before to be with her? Dude, the guy answered his phone while they were having sex. If this happened to me, I would just get up and leave. No explanation necessary. If a human being does not know that sexual intercourse is a transactional activity, they don't deserve to have sex with another human being, they can just masturbate and it will have the same end result.
JohnnyCage Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Dude, the guy answered his phone while they were having sex. If this happened to me, I would just get up and leave. No explanation necessary. If a human being does not know that sexual intercourse is a transactional activity, they don't deserve to have sex with another human being, they can just masturbate and it will have the same end result. lol so answering the phone while having sex is enough to end a year long relationship???? So what about all the nice things that happened between them in the past year (if nothing nice happened then I don't think she would be with him for a year anyways). I think a relationship will work when BOTH partners work towards it. Instead of complaining about little things here and there and coming on a public forum and asking for advice the better thing to do is confront the guy right there and tell him how you felt bad about it. Some people could be the greatest of lovers but wouldn't know what the right behavior is. He answered the phone BIG DEAL. Tell him you felt bad about it and see if he apologizes and makes up for it. Seal the cracks in your relationship rather than open them up further.
sammyd Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 lol so answering the phone while having sex is enough to end a year long relationship???? So what about all the nice things that happened between them in the past year (if nothing nice happened then I don't think she would be with him for a year anyways). I think a relationship will work when BOTH partners work towards it. Instead of complaining about little things here and there and coming on a public forum and asking for advice the better thing to do is confront the guy right there and tell him how you felt bad about it. Some people could be the greatest of lovers but wouldn't know what the right behavior is. He answered the phone BIG DEAL. Tell him you felt bad about it and see if he apologizes and makes up for it. Seal the cracks in your relationship rather than open them up further. This is a wind up right??!! You must be her boyfriend or something to say something as unbelievable as this!
Chi townD Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Wow...okay call me old fashion, but I would NEVER answer the phone during sex. Hell, would be happy as hell getting some! Phone be damned! Who ever it is, they would have to wait...then wanted to take you home early? Okay...hot girl naked in my bed or drinking beer and playing Madden with the guys. Well, that would be a no brainer for me! Are you sure your guy is actually a guy. He just lost his man card as far as I'm concerned. You don't need to be treated that way. I think you might have to re-think your relationship.
Gala Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Girl - go. Just go. This cretin does not know how to act. Let him j*** off with his friends, and find someone civilized and respectful.
Shocking Pink Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 lol so answering the phone while having sex is enough to end a year long relationship???? So what about all the nice things that happened between them in the past year (if nothing nice happened then I don't think she would be with him for a year anyways). I think a relationship will work when BOTH partners work towards it. Instead of complaining about little things here and there and coming on a public forum and asking for advice the better thing to do is confront the guy right there and tell him how you felt bad about it. Some people could be the greatest of lovers but wouldn't know what the right behavior is. He answered the phone BIG DEAL. Tell him you felt bad about it and see if he apologizes and makes up for it. Seal the cracks in your relationship rather than open them up further. For real? Yeah, answering the phone during sex like that IS a big deal. What a jackass. Who does that? If he doesn't know that's right behavior, he's been living under a fricking rock or there's something wrong with him. Maybe if it was like his best best friend who he hadn't seen in five years and he was waiting for his call for hours before they started fooling around. Then I could see it.
Recommended Posts