OceanGirl Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 New bf keeps saying this to me. We have been dating for a month and see each other a lot plus have every day long phone conversations. This comment takes me back somewhat as I am pretty open with him, more than I have ever been in the past. He also says that I am "hard to read" and he wants to REALLY get to know me. I guess my issue with this is that there is not that much more to get to know. I confide in him about my work, parent and friends problems. I also tell him all the time that I like him, am thinking of him and such (he does this as well). I also have a password on my phone (always had one) while he leaves his phone open and even gives it to me to hold when I am waiting for him in the car. I could easily snoop but haven't been tempted to as he shows no signs of anything being off. He has never even gotten a text or a call from female while I am with him. He has joked a number of times as to why I have a phone password but when I offered him my phone to look - he said "only joking, I trust you." He keeps bringing it up though so I dunno Truth to be told, I am not sure he would be past checking my phone if he secretly had a chance. He seems to think that there is large number of guys hitting on me every day (not even true). I am not sure if the phone thing qualifies as being mysterious but I am kind of worried that he will be disappointed when he learns that there is not much more to me than there appears to be.
LittleTiger Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 OG, you're not even half way to understanding yourself as a human being so it wouldn't suprise me if your boyfriend feels completely clueless. Why have you got a password on your phone? What have you got to hide?
Author OceanGirl Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 OG, you're not even half way to understanding yourself as a human being so it wouldn't suprise me if your boyfriend feels completely clueless. Why have you got a password on your phone? What have you got to hide? Bad embarrassing pictures of me and my LS identity where I post about him. Is it uncommon to have password on your phone?
LittleTiger Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Bad embarrassing pictures of me and my LS identity where I post about him. Is it uncommon to have password on your phone? No, I don't suppose it's uncommon but I've never understood the need for it ....... then again, I don't understand the need for keeping anything secret from a partner - including 'embarrassing' photos, or your LS identity and any posts about him. Obviously, this is a brand new relationship so a little mystery (of the right sort) is a good thing - 'mystery' is great for creating attraction. However, the phone password amounts to secrecy and no relationship will work long term under those terms. How would you feel if he had a password on his phone?
Author OceanGirl Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 No, I don't suppose it's uncommon but I've never understood the need for it ....... then again, I don't understand the need for keeping anything secret from a partner - including 'embarrassing' photos, or your LS identity and any posts about him. Obviously, this is a brand new relationship so a little mystery (of the right sort) is a good thing - 'mystery' is great for creating attraction. However, the phone password amounts to secrecy and no relationship will work long term under those terms. How would you feel if he had a password on his phone? I admit that I would be suspicious. Not sure if I would be hugely bothered just yet but it would raise a flag I expect to retain some sort of privacy going forward though. I am not comfortable with handing each other our phones and computers.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 I also sense that he has more trust issues than an average guy. When he calls at say 8pm and I say "I just got home" he kind of anxiously says "I thought you finished work at 5pm where have you been?" then he would follow through with "At what time did you exactly leave work?". He has done it more than once and it doesn't feel like he is just making casual conversation..
carhill Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 You've been dating a month. My advice is to accept his actions, note his style for compatibility and maintain a privacy level comfortable to you as intimacy progresses. Mysterious is not an adjective I've ever used to describe a woman IIRC, my exW didn't start giving me the 'I'm just off work' call until after we were engaged, and that continued while married, generally so I'd have dinner ready when she got home, as she generally worked into the early evening on clients. I can't imagine inquiring about someone's comings and goings except if we had date or event planned. I figure if they want to be with me they will; if not, not. Hope your guy works it out
LittleTiger Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I also sense that he has more trust issues than an average guy. When he calls at say 8pm and I say "I just got home" he kind of anxiously says "I thought you finished work at 5pm where have you been?" then he would follow through with "At what time did you exactly leave work?". He has done it more than once and it doesn't feel like he is just making casual conversation.. If he does have trust issues, maybe one of his previous girlfriends wasn't honest with him - maybe she had a password on her phone and he found out he couldn't trust her. On the other hand, you've just admitted that you'd be suspicious in his position so how can you blame him?
Surrealist Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Ocean Girl I am going to share something briefly from my long term relationship, that is when I was married, regarding the issue of trust. But first let me just mention, that in my opinion, trust has to be earned not expected. If we cannot handle this, then we shouldn't be in a relationship. He has to earn your trust, and you have to earn his trust. It will come, provided your actions over time simply demonstrate it. I was married to someone who had incredible trust issues which made the beginning of marriage quite difficult. But over a little time, she began to see that I wasn't like her past relationships (at that stage she had a total 7 year abstinence anyway) and that her trust just naturally came. Her suspicions and questioning soon went away. I personally think the hardest part of a relationship is the beginning, despite the good feelings or whatever. Stick to it, work through it, and the relationship will grow and mature so long as you both treat each other well.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 Beginning is definitely the hardest for me. The first few months are a nightmare of anxiety and adjusting to each other. Forget the honeymoon, for me the real honeymoon starts once we get more comfortable so that I can *truly* enjoy things. Yeah, he has been cheated on and he said that it was one of the most painful experiences he had to go through.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I don't think it's wrong to have a password on your phone, you do have a right to privacy. Your relationship is only starting, if there's a need to be honest, you can be, but also know that the both of you can't just start spilling out secrets left and right at the drop of a hat. For example, he doesn't know you have an LS account. I doubt you would want him to know. However, I'm sure that given time where the two of you are at an extremely comfortable level, you'll probably want to disclose to him about LS.
Ariadne Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I am kind of worried that he will be disappointed when he learns that there is not much more to me than there appears to be. .......
Imajerk17 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 This all strikes me as too much, too soon. You guys have been dating a month. What are you both going to do for an encore in 3 months, 6 months, one year?
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