LoveMeSilly Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 My ex boyfriend and I were together for two years when he decided to break up with me out of the blue. We had an amazing relationship, we really did. We rarely fought, there was so much love and passion, and we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We had the relationship that all of our friends envied. But about a week or so before we broke up, he started acting very distant, strange, and uninterested in everything. When I finally got it out of him, he told me that he wasn't in love with me anymore and that it wasn't my fault at all. He said he still cares about me and my well being but doesn't know if he can get the feelings he used to have for me back. Of course, I'm heart broken right now and all I want to do is give our relationship another chance. So I've gone into NC mode because I've heard that it's the best way to either make someone miss you and realize what they've lost or get over a person if they don't come back. But, about a week ago he went out to lunch with a good mutual friend of ours and he told her that he misses how he used to feel about me, how much fun we used to have, and how we were always there for each other, and he misses having that one person to cuddle and kiss all the time. But he also said he doesn't know if he can get his feeling for me back and that he doesn't know if there'll be a second chance. The next night he went out and drank, which is completely out of character for him, and he made out with another girl. I keep getting mixed signals and I'm wondering what they mean. Also, whenever I see him around school or out, I always catch him staring at me and I'm not sure why this is if he's supposedly over me and has no feelings left. He's just been acting completely unlike himself ever since the break up and a lot of people are shocked with the way he's behaving about it. The thing that I'm most worried about is the fact that we're going on a trip to Italy and Greece together this spring through the school we go to and we only have a couple other friends going and they're mutual friends. Do you think we'll rekindle there? Do you think that he'll come back to me? I just need a whole load of advice right now. I love and miss him so much.
Mavisse Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 This sounds really painful...and then to be at school and have the trip together coming up...my heart goes out to you!!! Honestly, I've never heard of someone just losing feelings for their girlfriend when things were going well. Especially when there is no one else in the picture. The only time I've ever had this happen, or seen it happen to friends, is when the young man in question was struggling with his sexuality and on the verge of admitting he was gay. I hope you get the clarity you need soon. But if you don't, I hope you can value the experience for what it was and move on to someone whose feelings will be more constant. PS--If I were you, honestly, I would back out of the trip you are doing together and spend the money on a holiday without him where you won't have to deal with this stuff. Imagine being in these glorious places and obsessing over what he's thinking? It would be a waste.
sailor Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Guys are funny creatures, especially when they're young, as you say you are both in school. More likely than not he's just feeling smothered and needs some space for awhile. You had a great relationship before the breakup, so you must connect well. Don't let him forget that you still love him but respect his need for solitude. After a time a little jealousy might help him to make up his mind quicker, but do not sleep with anyone , you would probably get an std and you don't need that. If he went around with you for two years it you must have been good friends he will miss you after a time, absence makes the heart grow fonder, I found that to be so true. He is young and may feel adulthood and responsibility creeping up and wants to stretch out a bit. Hang in there.
Macaw Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I don't want to intrude too much, but if I may ask, how old are you two? There are many reasons to why this could be happening to both of you. If you are in your late teens/early twenties, it is possible that he's experiencing for the first time the feelings and sensations that come both from personal maturity and long-term commitment - when you stop feeling "high" around your significant other (like a drug-induced trip) and the relationship evolves into just strong feelings of friendship. If he's young, he's wrongly associating that "high" with "love" when it was actually just infatuation Perhaps he believes that the right one for him will make he feel infatuated all the time. That's one theory.
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