lexaton Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 My man and I have been dating for the past 5 months. We see each other on average about 4 times a month and usually talk through text every day. The problem is that he does not like to talk on the phone and whenever he calls me he always seems to cut it short because he has to do something even though we are in mid conversation and there is so much more to say. I feel like because of this it is hard for me to really get close to him and know him inside and out consistently. I understand everyone gets busy and I do as well but there are little times throughout the day where phone calls can be made. This past week he got a promotion at work and I have known that he would be starting his new position this week for a while but his texts have been fewer and he hasn't been calling at all when he says he would. I have been feeling terrible about it and I'm scared that the spark is dying between us. I am not sure as to take his new absences as a sign that this is heading south or know that certain things occur that make communication harder. I did talk to him yesterday via text but he didn't call me after work yesterday. This is the 2nd time this week this happened and it's frustrating. Up til the past 2weeks I have always been so secure with him and how he feels about me but now I feel like he is distancing away. Is this acceptable normal behavior for long distance relationships? What is going on? Any advice on what I should do? I really care about this guy. Also on a side note. 2 months into our relationship we were talking about the distance and how it sucks via text. and he joked saying that I should move near him. I joked back and then he said that he is a firm believer of people not moving for love. I was curious to know why and he said he would tell me later but I haven't asked yet. That statement weighs heavy on my mind now because I am thinking that this can be all for nothing. I don't want a LDR for life. So what's the point? I think he could change that mentality but who knowssss
dispatch3d Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 new job=more stress, more than likely. Not sure what his typical stress-dealing behaviour is.
Nexus One Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Ask him what the most opportune moments in the week are for you to call him. You have to get to know this, otherwise you're going to catch him when he's busy or in a hurry. He can't focus on you in those moments, probably even if he wanted to. Also the first few weeks in a new position are always the most busy and stressful, he has to go through that period and adapt to that new position. He has to get a feel for his new schedule now too, so I'm not entirely sure if he already can answer the question I mentioned in the first paragraph.
Ometeotl Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 If he is focusing in himself, try focusing on yourself. Wild idea, give it a think.
depplover_1980 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Most men don't like talking just for the sake of it, they are not interested in the trivial things so when he calls you and hears you are ok, that is enough for him. Also he may just be more comfortable with you and expect you to know how he feels without constant reassurance?
Author lexaton Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 I think you guys are right. I know there is a lot of pressure on him right now so focusing on himself is number one. I am probably being over dramatic because I miss him and it sucks I can't just talk to him whenever I want to. depplover_1980- I think you are right on with the fact that guys generally only communicate for smaller things not to chit chat and talk on the phone for endless hours. Although I do like that its just how its going to be with him. Also in the past during a phase like this when I felt he isn't as attentive I have approached him on it and he is like i care about u so much u know this. Kinda like I shouldnt be questioning it all the time and I should just know.
depplover_1980 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I only know because I was seeing a man like this for months but he hates texting too! But he would text me at the end of the day and call mid week or at weekend if we weren't meeting, but only when he was in the mood and actually had something to say. I'm afraid you'll just have to accept it. My failure to accept it really is a contributing factor to why it has ended, so if you can get your head around him being different now I would.
Author lexaton Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 Was your relationship long distance as well? I guess every relationship can't always be perfect. It's just staying strong and not so emo in the times when the two of us are on different patterns.
depplover_1980 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Yes LD too and keep reminding yourself of that good attitude.
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