midlifecrisis Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 So.... I'm in a really great relationship that has been going on for a bit over 3 months. My GF separated from her ex-husband over a year ago, and is now divorced. Her marriage lasted 15 years! In between her Ex and I was one 6 month relationship that never really got past a "friends with benefits" status. She met her good friends this morning who were a bit shocked when she talked about falling in love with me. Naturally, they are quite worried for her well being, and have told her that she should not be in any kind of serious relationship for a XXX years, and not until she's gone out on YYY dates, etc. (XXX and YYY depend on who she's talking to). Anyway, she loves her friends dearly and is worried now that they could be right -- but worse that they would not take her relationship with me seriously until they are certain that she has put in the time to make sure that her next relationship has a good chance of success. Remember, these are her friends of 10+ years -- very near and dear -- and definitely concerned with her well being. In the mean-time, I have fallen in love with her. I'm mortified at the prospect that she'll decide to pull back now and see other people. Of course, this is just my insecurity speaking. I feel that we are perfect for each-other! She hasn't made that decision yet -- but I can tell she feels conflicted now -- as am I. What's your opinion? Should I pull-back myself and encourage her to go explore -- even though this goes against every fiber of my being? Should I profess my love for her even more strongly? Yikes -- this is kind of scary!
tattoomytoe Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 ther are no set rules...i imagine those women are looking out for their girls interests, and want her to be sure, so as not to get hurt. But Hello! there is no sure thing! And just because you meet the perfect person just one or two guys into the dating scene...doesn't mean you are settling.
Arabess Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 I think it could be considered a noble gesture.....but if you both love each other....what's the point? Someone can date for years and not find a person they love. Once you DO find it and it's mutual....it's not something you goof around with.
Author midlifecrisis Posted March 23, 2004 Author Posted March 23, 2004 Thanks for your replies Tattoo and Arabess. They are helpful. My GF is understandably scared. I consider myself her friend too, and so I'm torn between trying to convince her to stay the course and standing (supportingly) by. I guess I'm supposed to have a "what is meant to be will be" attitude. Why is this so hard? Am I too wrapped up in all of this? At 40, you'd think I could handle all of this a bit more in stride.... All I can think of is the fact that it must be love if I'm affected this much.
Arabess Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 If I were in your position....I'd have a long serious talk with her. I would tell her how I feel about the relationship, how i would hate to lose her, how I am afraid....BUT....the end decision is hers. Then wait to see what her response is.
tattoomytoe Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 And its not like you two are between anything...you have been dating her for 3 months. well you are still around, and you two are in a relationship, and it sounds as if you both enjoy each other...enough said. people have their own ideals about everything, and sometimes they think if it works for them well everyone should do it. Maybe those women moped around xxx # of months, maybe it takes them that lond to recover...who knows...it's all a personal process and is going to be different each time.
Author midlifecrisis Posted March 23, 2004 Author Posted March 23, 2004 Thanks again Arabess! I kind-of did that already. Her response was that she's in love with me, and she's confused as to how to process her friends' opinions. She claims to *hate* the idea of going out and dating, especially since she really just wants to be with me, but she also acknowledges that her friends have made logical suggestions. Basically, she hasn't decided what to do -- except for one thing: She's going to let one of her single friends drag her to a single's cooking class. Before you jump to conclusions.... she was thinking of doing this before her talk with her girlfriends -- because her single friend is scared to go alone. I told her I didn't really like the thought of her going -- because it sends the message that you are unattached -- but if it was important to her and her friend, then I'm not going to be a jerk about it. Personally, I think that this is just as much about worrying about her friends' opinions as it is being truly scared at not making the right choices. After all, you can't just ignore the opinions of close friends that have known you for years.... Unfortunately, I'm the new kid on the block.... Sometimes I don't know if I like this being-in-love stuff.... it seems to really screw me up! Shouldn't I be feeling more confident?
Author midlifecrisis Posted March 23, 2004 Author Posted March 23, 2004 Good point Tattoo -- I think I might show her this thread! ;^)
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