JaneyAmazed Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 anyway i can understand there's a lot of hurt and pain here. every ones point of view makes sense. its the bashing, rudeness, fowl language almost sounding like their getting their pleasure off of it. that is completely unacceptable and inappropriate when one is looking for answers and guidance. I learned to ignore all that if I want to move ahead. Usually that bashing and rudeness comes from the pain of being betrayed. I don't take it personally anymore.
Distant78 Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I have a thing for married women. What is the trick to seducing and bedding a married woman? Talk to them. Most of them are starving for simple conversation. The truth is their husbands take them for granted and spend most of their free time playing videos, watching the boob tube, anything other than spending time and talking with their wives. So that's all you do is help destroy folks marriages. You're going to mess around with the wrong person and get hurt. Better stop while you can dude.
JaneyAmazed Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I have a thing for married women. What is the trick to seducing and bedding a married woman? Talk to them. Most of them are starving for simple conversation. The truth is their husbands take them for granted and spend most of their free time playing videos, watching the boob tube, anything other than spending time and talking with their wives. This is random. Just be sure if you do bed a married woman that her husband won't come after you. What are willing to risk for a roll in the hay with a MW?
What_Next Posted February 3, 2011 Posted February 3, 2011 I have a thing for married women. What is the trick to seducing and bedding a married woman? Talk to them. Most of them are starving for simple conversation. The truth is their husbands take them for granted and spend most of their free time playing videos, watching the boob tube, anything other than spending time and talking with their wives. The purpose of this post is what exactly? I can only hope that life returns to you what you have asked for. Good god. GR, you must understand that your situation is likely to raise the eyebrows of almost anyone that reads it, let alone those of us that have been cheated on. Some just cannot see beyond the fact that you cheated, period. No matter what you say. Janey also experienced that and in fact when I saw her saying things that didn't sit right I held her feet to the fire. Just as I will with you. I still honestly believe that what you are contemplating is quite a road to travel to say the least. I urge you once again to open up with your current SO so that HE must make an informed decision with all the facts lieing in front of him. He (I'm sure) knows you cheated on your H, now if you combine this with the feelings you are now having towards your H than surely he must know that he is taking a calculated risk. While it is hard to speak in hypotheticals I can say without a single shadow of a doubt that if my reconciliation falls apart and I end up single again that I would not ever, and I mean EVER consider dating someone that had cheated. It might not be that once a cheater, always a cheater, but it does show what they are capable of. Meatballsmom there is NO shade of grey when it comes to cheating, you have either cheated or you haven't. You can justifiy, blameshift, or whatever you want, if you cheat when you are married, you cheat. There is ALWAYS A choice, and that choice is to NOT CHEAT until you are out of the marriage. That's it, pure and simple, no grey area, that's about as binary as you can get.
Author Guilt Ridden Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Right so it's okay for her to be in a relationship and pine for her ex in front of her BF's face?[/quote For the record. I never pine. I never did pine. My exh came to me. Have always loved exh. Buried feelings... figured it was a done deal and moved on with my life... or so I thought. If I ever thought there was even a remote possibly of reconciliation with the exh, I never would of got involved with the BF. Knowing he has his own regrets (exh), only causes me to reconsider my life. Nothing wrong with that?
Author Guilt Ridden Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 This is a great post and sums up just what I was thinking. GR, have you worked in IC on boundary issues? Is it possible you have been challenged by unhealthy boundaries with those closest to you? This could go back to your family of origin. I struggle with this and am learning about it in IC. It is so important to understand we literally CAN'T do what JJ and others have suggested, in terms of putting others' needs 1st, until we figure out and establish healthy and secure interpersonal boundaries. msbrightside... may I ask you what you mean by "unhealthy boundaries"??
Author Guilt Ridden Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 I learned to ignore all that if I want to move ahead. Usually that bashing and rudeness comes from the pain of being betrayed. I don't take it personally anymore. Why on earth take your pain/anger out on complete strangers? Guess thats what BS do? Maybe BS's could learn a thing or two from this post. I hope it can help both sides to Infidelity, at the very least.
Author Guilt Ridden Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 I have a thing for married women. What is the trick to seducing and bedding a married woman? Talk to them. Most of them are starving for simple conversation. The truth is their husbands take them for granted and spend most of their free time playing videos, watching the boob tube, anything other than spending time and talking with their wives. I'm guessing GG2W, your being Sarcastic??? You would be better off asking Men who cheat with Married women. I dont really know how much of a part "seduction" has to do with it? really? Any men out there who can help GG2W with an answer? to this one, please post:)
Author Guilt Ridden Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 So that's all you do is help destroy folks marriages. You're going to mess around with the wrong person and get hurt. Better stop while you can dude. OMG... Distant78, thats got to be your best suggestion yet!
Snowflower Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Why on earth take your pain/anger out on complete strangers? Guess thats what BS do? Maybe BS's could learn a thing or two from this post. I hope it can help both sides to Infidelity, at the very least. Wow...there were some BS's (like me and several others here) who were really trying to help you, without the acrimony. Some BS's are still hurting and use this forum as a place to vent. Ignore what you don't find useful. Maybe what you meant to say is "some" BS appear to be angry? But since I am a BS (although not an angry one) I will stay away from your threads. Good luck!
GG2W Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I was not being sarcastic. I find wedding rings on the fingers of my partners to bed most erotic. I am a male dancer so get to meet wives at every performance. Most people would be shocked to see what goes on. Not only do they stuff bills in our briefs, at every show there are several women, who offer to pay to perform oral sex. Also there are husbands who like to watch and photograph. And I have been on all expense paid trips with the two of them, to Hawaii, skiing Yes there is always the possibilty of getting hurt, but I am almost always wary, and in the state that I live in, I have my certificate to pack. One of my troupe did get jumped last year. Arrests have been made and they are awaiting trial. And the wife refused to help put up his bond and filed for divorce.
msbrightside Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 msbrightside... may I ask you what you mean by "unhealthy boundaries"?? I'm not a psychotherapist, but I am learning that healthy boundaries develop during childhood in maturation and individuation. They allow us to be responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, ideas, and not rely on others for our sense of self worth. If there is dysfunction in one's family of origin, this process can be interrupted and the person may grow to adulthood with problems in interpersonal relationships. Imagine concentric circles with you in the center. These clearly defined circles represent healthy boundaries. Those closest to you are in the circle next to you. This person is clear in her own identity within her relationships. A person with unhealthy boundaries is unable to delineate these circles, and engages in unhealthy behaviors such as over-responsibility for others, people-pleasing, manipulation, etc. It's pretty complicated but maybe you will benefit from researching it. Another unhealthy boundary is being unable to let go of guilt. I read the following in "The Language of Letting Go" (Melody Beattie) and thought about you: "Feeling good about ourselves is a choice. So is feeling guilty. When guilt is legitimate, it acts as a warning light, signaling that we're off course. Then its purpose is finished. Wallowing in guilt allows others to control us. It makes us feel not good enough. It prevents us from setting boundaries and taking other healthy action to care for ourselves. We may have learned to habitually feel guilty as an instinctive reaction to life. Now we know that we don't have to feel guilty. Even if we've done something that violates a value, extended guilt does not solve the problem; it prolongs the problem. So make an amend. Change a behavior. Then let the guilt go"
moloko Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Guess thats what BS do? Maybe BS's could learn a thing or two from this post. . such as what? do exactly as your spouse wants or they will cheat on you? I think someone on this board called that emotional extortion.
moloko Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 I'm guessing GG2W, your being Sarcastic??? You would be better off asking Men who cheat with Married women. I dont really know how much of a part "seduction" has to do with it? really? Any men out there who can help GG2W with an answer? to this one, please post:) only thing I can say is he may find himself tied down in a desert somewhere and a couple of husbands may slice "it" off.
moloko Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Wow...there were some BS's (like me and several others here) who were really trying to help you, without the acrimony. exactly, and saying BSs can learn a thing or two from this thread is highly insulting. basically what this says is that if you don't do everything to meet every single one of a spouses needs, then you deserve to get cheated on. Maybe what you meant to say is "some" BS appear to be angry? and that might be because of the very attitude from WS's as written above. a sense of entitlement that says cheating is to be understood if some brat doesn't get every one of their little needs met.
Author Guilt Ridden Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 exactly, and saying BSs can learn a thing or two from this thread is highly insulting. basically what this says is that if you don't do everything to meet every single one of a spouses needs, then you deserve to get cheated on. and that might be because of the very attitude from WS's as written above. a sense of entitlement that says cheating is to be understood if some brat doesn't get every one of their little needs met. Once again... stop the name calling. Just because you were cheated on does not give you the entitlement to be rude to others. I am not here on LS to be name called or to even JUDGE YOU??? Bottom line is, Re-read all my posts. I am not here to judge others. I have posted my story for all to read. For all to learn from... and for all to comment on. I have not posted judgemental or harsh comments to anyone here on LS. I feel as though perhaps "Some" Betrayed spouses are still carrying much negativity within themselves. This does not entitle you to be rude, or name call. I was under the impression that people came here to LS, to share their stories, and yes, I am sure you can judge my act itself, but as for name calling.. really not necessary, now is it? If you have been cheated on.. name call your SO.... not me. You dont know me personally, nor did I personally cheat on you. My story has been posted so that I could hear from others experiences, or for others to learn from?? No other reason than that. I welcome all to respond, I love to hear all sides to it... its all good learning to me. But I would like to know to all Cheated on Spouses how come you get off on being rude to me here on LS?? Why not look at the bigger picture, how many of you cheated on spouses, have posted their story here??? to share? and be the subject of name calling, bashing and plain ignorance. Understanding something, is not acceptance nor is it justification for an action. For those of you who would like to try to understand the mind of an Adulterer, you may feel free to ask me any question you would lke. I have nothing to hide... Once again.... a complete waste of my time. If there is anyone out there who has anything half intelligent to share... please ... by all means
Author Guilt Ridden Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 exactly, and saying BSs can learn a thing or two from this thread is highly insulting. basically what this says is that if you don't do everything to meet every single one of a spouses needs, then you deserve to get cheated on. Yes, I do think that Bs can learn here too. I am sure there must be some bs.. out there who would like to know what went through the mind of their adulterous spouse. Just because your life is black and white, does not mean theirs is. I find it actually insulting thatyou think all betrayed spouses see it as you do... wrong. With an attitude like that, you just shut yourself off from learning and growing.
Author Guilt Ridden Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 basically what this says is that if you don't do everything to meet every single one of a spouses needs, then you deserve to get cheated on. and that might be because of the very attitude from WS's as written above. a sense of entitlement that says cheating is to be understood if some brat doesn't get every one of their little needs met. The only person I see here acting like a brat is you. My way or the highway attitude. Not everyone sees things as you do. Has it gotten you far? Does not seem like it to me, if you have nothing better to do than to sit and name call and bash Adulterors on Forums... As far as your comment re: Meeting your spouses needs... you deserve to be cheated on if you dont is a load of crap!! Each situation is different and unique. I came here hoping to hear about different situations, stories, peoples trials and tribulations... To learn... I am beginning to think its all a waste of my time
Snowflower Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 To learn... I am beginning to think its all a waste of my time GR, please put those posters who are offensive to you on ignore...and only read here when you are logged in-because then posts from members who are "bugging" you will be blocked. Also, please do not feel that you have to respond or defend yourself to everyone here. If some posters are saying things that are so off the wall and not applicable, simply don't respond. Sometimes ignoring the rude posts says more than trying to constantly defend yourself. If you have questions about being a BS that you wish to find answers to, ask away! There are many BS here who will do their best to help you without the acrimony.
Author Guilt Ridden Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 GR, please put those posters who are offensive to you on ignore...and only read here when you are logged in-because then posts from members who are "bugging" you will be blocked. Also, please do not feel that you have to respond or defend yourself to everyone here. If some posters are saying things that are so off the wall and not applicable, simply don't respond. Sometimes ignoring the rude posts says more than trying to constantly defend yourself. If you have questions about being a BS that you wish to find answers to, ask away! There are many BS here who will do their best to help you without the acrimony. Awesome advice... will do:)
Meatballsmom Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 GR Please don't leave. You do have friends here. I know what it is like to have no one to use as a sounding board. Remember, it is your life to live as you see fit. Distant78 - Your sound like my XH. Wise up and soften your attitude or you could end up like him. After we seperated he tried to scare me with Divorce papers and I shocked him by signing them. He went to an early grave, daily begging me to come back
Distant78 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 Distant78 - Your sound like my XH. Wise up and soften your attitude or you could end up like him. Sorry I'm nothing like anyone you know and never will be. I like my attitude just fine thank you.
Distant78 Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 GR Please don't leave. You do have friends here. I know what it is like to have no one to use as a sounding board. Remember, it is your life to live as you see fit. Distant78 - Your sound like my XH. Wise up and soften your attitude or you could end up like him. After we seperated he tried to scare me with Divorce papers and I shocked him by signing them. He went to an early grave, daily begging me to come back And let me guess, it boost your ego right?
IfiKnewThen Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 hi GR wanted to talk to you. PM me when you get the chance
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