Guilty and Regretful

[JaneyAmazed]

Here it goes people. Told SO, could not do this anymore. Told him struggling with so many issues, that I just needed to be alone. Major problem, I am so involved with the caretaking of his daughter, that I have changed my mind on the amount of time I am physically taking care of her.

 

I sometimes feel as though, there is not enough balance between my own children, her, time alone to myself and time alone with my SO. Explained that I am struggling, and cannot balance it all out!!!

 

Came home the other day to a 6 month schedule, his exw has prepared. It is full of the requirements of me of what nights I have her etc... and it was more than I am willing to give at this point. Spoke up, and said that I did not think it fair, a new schedule put in place without asking me my thoughts on it. Exw, had gone as far as changing her own work schedule to accomodate the NEW schedule.

 

SO, speaks to ex w.... and next thing you know, she has a letter all drawn up stating she is now going for full custody of his daughter. I wondered how it could go from me being responsible for her, to Full Custody?? She is a very pushy woman (my opinion) and when someone does not comply with her plans, goes off the deep end.

 

Now SO, even more mad at me... but there custody arrangements should have nothing to do with me and/or my availabilty. Problem is SO, couldnt care less if his exw, fell off the face of the earth..... therefore relies upon me for the care of his daughter immenesly!!!!

 

As the time goes on, I can now see that I cannot fill those shoes that are required of my so anyways.... I am now convinced more than ever this is not for me:)

 

This is a problem. The one explanation I have (because I'm a step-mom and have some experience) is that your SO's xW may simply be looking out for the best interest of her daughter, meaning stability. She'd rather her xH take care of his daughter, and not let most of the responsibility lie in your hands, especially when she realizes that her daughter could have a "caretaker/dad's SO" that may not stick around; I can't say that I'd blame her. You have no legal obligation to take care of her daughter, and she may just want to be in full control of her daughter so she can make plans and not worry if and when her xH will be able help her. I could be totally off. I'm just going by what I've learned in the past.

[IfiKnewThen]

The rules are very vague, to save you searching:

 

"In an effort to prevent accounts being registered for the sole purpose of sending spam and as a way of clarifying the role of private messages on our site, we have elected to disable the use of private messages for members who have not established a presence on the site by participating in the public forums over an extended period of time. Access to the private messaging facilities of the site are determined based on the length of membership and the number of posts contributed to the public forums.

We believe that the power of our site lies in the vast array of opinions and insights received from many different people and feel that private messaging regarding interpersonal relationships does not have a place in that formula. We strongly discourage the use of private messages and remind all of our members that there are genuine safety and privacy concerns when contacting someone privately off and on our site."

 

wow sorry that's disappointing. i wish there were someone kind of bridge one could cross if they wanted to PM, without having to post endlessly to prove one is not a spammer. <---that sounds strange. anway.............

 

thank you so much for bringing that information to light FLTC. appreciate your finding that. i dont know how i could get your email address gr. but thats all i can think of for now.

 

also, it's sad that you can't fit the care giving of his child into your schedule. but you're definitely not expected to..and it is his job. until you blended your families, it's especially not expected. if it's not working..there's not much else to say. its sad but better to know now. i know youre SO is upset...but maybe this is why he was so understanding with you. maybe he figured he knew you would be sacrificing too. but you cant be expected to compromise time with your own kids. if your SO were more present and hands on. there would be more balance. anyway it looks like his exw made the decision for him now. blended families are tough, but workable. but it is much much better to know now what you can and cannot do..rather than wait and find out later..when more people get hurt. so maybe all of this is happening at the right time. time to separate yourselves perhaps and step back and think on things. good luck

[Distant78]

Here it goes people. Told SO, could not do this anymore. Told him struggling with so many issues, that I just needed to be alone. Major problem, I am so involved with the caretaking of his daughter, that I have changed my mind on the amount of time I am physically taking care of her.

 

I sometimes feel as though, there is not enough balance between my own children, her, time alone to myself and time alone with my SO. Explained that I am struggling, and cannot balance it all out!!!

 

Came home the other day to a 6 month schedule, his exw has prepared. It is full of the requirements of me of what nights I have her etc... and it was more than I am willing to give at this point. Spoke up, and said that I did not think it fair, a new schedule put in place without asking me my thoughts on it. Exw, had gone as far as changing her own work schedule to accomodate the NEW schedule.

 

SO, speaks to ex w.... and next thing you know, she has a letter all drawn up stating she is now going for full custody of his daughter. I wondered how it could go from me being responsible for her, to Full Custody?? She is a very pushy woman (my opinion) and when someone does not comply with her plans, goes off the deep end.

 

Now SO, even more mad at me... but there custody arrangements should have nothing to do with me and/or my availabilty. Problem is SO, couldnt care less if his exw, fell off the face of the earth..... therefore relies upon me for the care of his daughter immenesly!!!!

 

As the time goes on, I can now see that I cannot fill those shoes that are required of my so anyways.... I am now convinced more than ever this is not for me:)

 

She's just trying to do what is right for her kid and I can't blame her. Oh well this relationship was doomed when you messed with your own ex. Sorry to hear this but IMO it's for the better.