simpsonic Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Err calling once a week is not pursuing. How could u pin his loss of interest on u pursuing him when u hardly did? Which is why I decided the word "pursue" was too aggressive. "Initiate" sounded more appropriate. Maybe it was just a coincidence that when I started initiating he started to lose interest. Anyway, I don't think anyone should chase anyone. Initiating is fine. But if the other person doesn't return the appreciation then stop. Have some dignity people. Yeah I naively thought he was going to come around. I've now learned if they don't show interest then don't waste your time.
Mad Max Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I wish women pursued me. It's not all great. There are some attractive ones that do, but you also get the nut jobs.
AD1980 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 not at all women use it as an excuse to keep that power.. the guy didnt run away because he was pursued he just wasnt into you
Mad Max Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 the guy didnt run away because he was pursued he just wasnt into you ^^^This^^^. If it was Megan Fox, I highly doubt he would've ran away. If he's attracted to you, you can do no wrong. Same goes for guys that pursue women. If she's into you, you can do almost anything short of criminal activity and you won't fail.
sagetalk Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 What’s the opinion of the situation and on the girl being the pursuer? If I like them, it's awesome.
Soxfaninfl Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I run away when I'm pursued; I'm a hunter, not prey. Most men probably don't like being pursued. But that's completely irrelevant to your situation. What matters is what this one particular man wants. If he's not pursuing you, then go ahead and take a shot. If he's not interested, you'll find out quick enough; if he's interested, you'll find that out, too. What do you have to lose? That's BS! Men like to be pursued.
zengirl Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I find men like being pursued, in the right way. They don't like feeling "hunted," no, or like you want all of their time and space (even to the degree where the average woman might feel flattered under the same attention, if she liked the man). But they do like you to make effort or suggest things, to make them feel like they aren't doing all the work, to make them feel appreciated and like you're on their team. And, of course, every man is different. But, really, the "team" thing is the best way to bond to someone early on. Approach dating with a "We're in this together" mindset, showing interest but also taking care to back off when you get signals to do so. Do things to express interest and take iniative and then back off and let him have the space and time to run with what you've shown him. If he's interested, he will. Don't put pressure on the pursuit. That rarely works.
ivalm Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I find men like being pursued, in the right way. They don't like feeling "hunted," no, or like you want all of their time and space (even to the degree where the average woman might feel flattered under the same attention, if she liked the man). But they do like you to make effort or suggest things, to make them feel like they aren't doing all the work, to make them feel appreciated and like you're on their team. And, of course, every man is different. But, really, the "team" thing is the best way to bond to someone early on. Approach dating with a "We're in this together" mindset, showing interest but also taking care to back off when you get signals to do so. Do things to express interest and take iniative and then back off and let him have the space and time to run with what you've shown him. If he's interested, he will. Don't put pressure on the pursuit. That rarely works. This girl knows the exactly correct answer! I completely agree with you zengirl
Gypsy_Soul Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 No, I think most men like to be pursued. It makes things easier for them, especially when they're just interested in getting laid. Personally, I wouldn't do the pursuing. There are ways to get the man to pursue you though by showing you're interested and open to responding. Although I’m generally not a shy person, I freeze up around people I like. I know this is normal for many and it’s usually worked out for me since I’m the girl and have mostly been the one pursued, not pursing. I’ve met someone who may be the same. I took a long break from dating after my last relationship to heal and am finding myself a little rusty/really shy around this new guy. I’m forcing myself to step out of my comfort zone and have been more proactive about pursuing him, we’re both adults right. Although he’s the one who made the first move/asked me out, I’m sensing (and know through a mutual friend) that he may need some positive reinforcement encouragement in terms of moving forward. So, I’ve been making more of an effort to text him, ask him to hang out, etc, let him know that I’m interested. He's seems very receptive to all of my initiatives so far. This is not my usual role. I have always been the pursued. So this weekend, I asked him out, he was busy (he works ridiculous hours) with friend’s bday, was too tired. Sounds legit, except last week , similar scenario, I was invited along. This sounds like a blow-off to me and I’m definitely backing off, especially since I don’t feel comfortable being the pursuer…it’s just not me. Maybe there was someone else at this party he"s interested in? Who knows, it could be a number of things, just wondering how much of it has to do with me being the pursuer? What’s the opinion of the situation and on the girl being the pursuer?
garycoleman Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I would have loved if the last girl was pursing me or at least did some of the pursing. I did all of the pursing but she did show interest. Eventually I got sick of doing all of the work and stopped seeing her.
PeachyPink Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Most men like to feel like men. I wouldn't be too aggressive.
Nexus One Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Most men like to feel like men. I wouldn't be too aggressive. Are you a man?
musemaj111 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Yea zengirl got it right. I don't wanna feel hunted. But I wanna feel wanted.
musemaj11 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 No, I think most men like to be pursued. It makes things easier for them. I would assume women like to be pursued for the same reason. We all wouldnt mind having everything served to us in a silver platter. But in reality, the best things dont come to those who only wait because you are going to get the leftovers that no one else wants. Personally I dont pursue. But I make an effort. I dont just sit and wait because I dont want the leftovers. I go out and get to know a lot of people and show interest when Im interested in someone. But thats where it stops. If the other person doesnt reciprocate then Im not going to chase like Im desperate. The truth is if there is mutual attraction, no chasing from either side necessary.
Disillusioned Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 What’s the opinion of the situation and on the girl being the pursuer? Considering that all of the women who've pursued me (at least 5 I can think of right off the bat) didn't arouse one bit of my interest, I'd have to say being pursued was downright annoying.
forrest Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Which is why I decided the word "pursue" was too aggressive. "Initiate" sounded more appropriate. Maybe it was just a coincidence that when I started initiating he started to lose interest. Yeah I naively thought he was going to come around. I've now learned if they don't show interest then don't waste your time. maybe he started to lose interest just before you started to initiate?
BentSpine Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 It seems reasonable that one pursues when one is PERSISTENT, that is, has initiated, been rejected and then initiated a second time. By initiating a second time one unambiguously displays one's clear interest, and showing such a strong interest is something most women seem uncomfortable with. Granted, some men may decide to fake interest for a while in order to get laid. With all this in mind, not many women can be said to be pursuing which was my precise thought when reading the title of this thread. The way I see it, both genders show genuine interest by intitiating. Only going along for the ride merely conveys lukewarm interest. In other words, by calling a man and suggesting an activity the woman is NOT pursuing but she is Showing Interest. The following is my take on the subject, feel free to disagree.
musemaj11 Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Granted, some men may decide to fake interest for a while in order to get laid. With all this in mind, not many women can be said to be pursuing which was my precise thought when reading the title of this thread. And some women may decide to fake interest for free dates and gifts. We all take risks in everything we do.
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