lexaton Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 My man and I have been dating for the past 5 months. We see each other on average about 4 times a month and usually talk through text every day. The problem is that he does not like to talk on the phone and whenever he calls me he always seems to cut it short because he has to do something even though we are in mid conversation and there is so much more to say. I feel like because of this it is hard for me to really get close to him and know him inside and out consistently. I understand everyone gets busy and I do as well but there are little times throughout the day where phone calls can be made. This past week he got a promotion at work and I have known that he would be starting his new position this week for a while but his texts have been fewer and he hasn't been calling at all when he says he would. I have been feeling terrible about it and I'm scared that the spark is dying between us. I am not sure as to take his new absences as a sign that this is heading south or know that certain things occur that make communication harder. I did talk to him yesterday via text but he didn't call me after work yesterday. This is the 2nd time this week this happened and it's frustrating. Up til the past 2weeks I have always been so secure with him and how he feels about me but now I feel like he is distancing away. Is this acceptable normal behavior for long distance relationships? What is going on? Any advice on what I should do? I really care about this guy. Also on a side note. 2 months into our relationship we were talking about the distance and how it sucks via text. and he joked saying that I should move near him. I joked back and then he said that he is a firm believer of people not moving for love. I was curious to know why and he said he would tell me later but I haven't asked yet. That statement weighs heavy on my mind now because I am thinking that this can be all for nothing. I don't want a LDR for life. So what's the point? I think he could change that mentality but who knowssss
ForNever Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I literally came on here to ask almost the exact same question. I'm a guy in a LDR that started about a month ago and we text every day but some days I can count the number of texts on one hand. I haven't talked to her on the phone in over a week. We see each other about twice a month. I realize she is busy with school but I mean come on... Class is a couple hours a day. Lexaton hit what I was thinking right on the head. I hate feeling EVEN more distant because we rarely talk. It's hard to bring it up to her as well because I don't want to freak her out or seem crazy. Is this just how some people are? Maybe they're just not ready to get closer so they just limit communication?
Author lexaton Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Haha wow we are in a pretty similar situation. I don't really want to straight up be like why don't you call me and come off as needy and demanding because that can freak him out. I want to get my point across nonchalantly but enough so he would want to make more of an effort next time. I would love to figure out where his head is at with our relationship but I don't want to push it. I mostly just want to build a better foundation and friendship which can be easily done if there was any verbal communication. I kinda think acting distant is how some people are at certain points in life but who knows. What's confusing for me now is that he was the one pursuing again and again for the first 4 months and he initially seemed like an open book. But now I am left thinking of the worst and how the want to keep things between us alive is withering. Maybe reality came into play and the fact that we aren't in the same town makes it seem like this relationship is pointless? I really don't think he is the kind of guy to think like that though. I honestly think he is so consumed in his life now therefore being inconsiderate of my needs.
ForNever Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I sincerely hope that's the case for both of us. My gf is busy with school and is struggling with being 6 months sober with AA. Part of me knows the reason she doesn't talk to me or discuss things with me is because she is scared I will judge her for the things she tells me and she doesn't want me to know parts of her past. In reality, I've told her at least a dozen times that I want to hear about her. I want her to complain to me. I want to get everything.
folieadeux Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 My man and I have been dating for the past 5 months. We see each other on average about 4 times a month and usually talk through text every day. The problem is that he does not like to talk on the phone and whenever he calls me he always seems to cut it short because he has to do something even though we are in mid conversation and there is so much more to say. I feel like because of this it is hard for me to really get close to him and know him inside and out consistently. I understand everyone gets busy and I do as well but there are little times throughout the day where phone calls can be made. This past week he got a promotion at work and I have known that he would be starting his new position this week for a while but his texts have been fewer and he hasn't been calling at all when he says he would. I have been feeling terrible about it and I'm scared that the spark is dying between us. I am not sure as to take his new absences as a sign that this is heading south or know that certain things occur that make communication harder. I did talk to him yesterday via text but he didn't call me after work yesterday. This is the 2nd time this week this happened and it's frustrating. Up til the past 2weeks I have always been so secure with him and how he feels about me but now I feel like he is distancing away. Is this acceptable normal behavior for long distance relationships? What is going on? Any advice on what I should do? I really care about this guy. Also on a side note. 2 months into our relationship we were talking about the distance and how it sucks via text. and he joked saying that I should move near him. I joked back and then he said that he is a firm believer of people not moving for love. I was curious to know why and he said he would tell me later but I haven't asked yet. That statement weighs heavy on my mind now because I am thinking that this can be all for nothing. I don't want a LDR for life. So what's the point? I think he could change that mentality but who knowssss I would sit down and have a chat with him next time you're together in person. Prior to reading your last paragraph, I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because, if you're able to see each other about once a week, then I can attribute some of this to him just not prefering to talk on the phone and/or his new position. But if he outright told you that he's a firm believer in people not moving for love, then there would be no point in continuing anything further with him because relationships don't work with both people living apart forever. Whatever the case may be, at least you'd have your answer and only invested five months instead of five years.
Author lexaton Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 I am so frustrated right now I might lash out when I talk to him. hahahah. I don't know if he is purposly being distance or just not even thinking anything is wrong. I just sent him a text so hopefully I can get some sort of dialogue going on here. But I almost just feel like ending this completely. I might be jumping the gun here but I hate not being in control of what the hell is going on .
creighton0123 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Also on a side note. 2 months into our relationship we were talking about the distance and how it sucks via text. I'm here as the official anti-text fairy (take that as you will). It is my firm opinion that text messaging as a means of serious communication reduces serious communication to a "respond when convenient" situation. Cute emails or texts telling your SO how much you love and appreciate them is one thing, but you should really take care to reserve any discussions about relationship status and distance to voice/video/in person. You also mentioned that you see one another four times a month. This would mean that you are only a two to three hour drive away, correct? Either way, there are two things that need to be squared away for any long distance relationship to be successful: 1. An agreement on how often and via what mechanisms you will communicate. This will often require sacrifice on both parts, but if one person is expecting communication on a daily basis via phone and the other is expecting communication every few days via text or IM, resentment, jealousy, and doubt can occur. 2. Transforming the long distance relationship into a relationship, with an end-date in mind. If you don't have a plan for the future, it is pretty easy to just set things aside and not discuss/think about it. At one point in time, the relationship has to either result in the two of you being local or end. That's the solid truth. The longer you go without figuring out when you will no longer have distance between you, the more disconnected the two of you become. Talk to him in person about this. Figure out those two things and your relationship will be better because of it.
aerogurl87 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 I'm here as the official anti-text fairy (take that as you will). It is my firm opinion that text messaging as a means of serious communication reduces serious communication to a "respond when convenient" situation. Cute emails or texts telling your SO how much you love and appreciate them is one thing, but you should really take care to reserve any discussions about relationship status and distance to voice/video/in person. I gotta agree with creighton. As much as I love texting my boyfriend, when it comes to serious topics that are really bothering one of us, we may bring it up in a text, but it gets dealt with either in person or on the phone when we talk at night. And to quote my favourite TV matchmaker "calling makes the man, texting makes the boy, and email makes the phantom."
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