Taeyang Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Hi everyone! I was hoping someone could help me out, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months and i like him soo much, but i was talking to my best friend, and she told me that "the guys", as we call the circle of friends of my bf, were doing Spice the other day. I know he used to do it, and i had talked to him about it and he said "i hope this doesn't change your opinion of me too much", and i told him drugs were a dealbreaker. I mean i know it's altered marihuana and it's legal, but for personal reasons, I don't tolerate any type of psychoactive drugs in a boyfriend. So yesterday i asked him if he still did Spice, and he said he did, and again "I hope that doesn't change your opinion of me too much". I appreciate that he told me the truth, but I didn't respond and i haven't talked to him since, because i don't know how to deal with it, i like him SO much, but i can't go against something i feel so strongly about! What should I do? I don't want to break up over something like this, but, I mean should i talk to him and tell him i wont see him anymore if he keeps doing it? Tell him he knows how i feel about it and he knows what to do? Or is a dealbreaker just something you should just not tolerate? Please help!
Pfiend101 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Honestly if he just did it once I wouldnt worry about it. If hes doing it all day long everyday that might be another story. I would just go with the flow.
Author Taeyang Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Oh, i mean he does it regularly with his friends. Not like every day, but still not the first few times.
Confusedalways Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I can totally relate. If something is a "dealbreaker" for you, then that essentially breaks the deal- ie: you would break up with him. Life is not black and white-- it is ultimately up to you whether you choose to tolerate this. I had a specific deal breaker as well and ultimately, I love him more than I dislike his one habit. This, of course, was after we had many serious talks and discussions about it. However: it is my personal opinion that nobody in any relationship should demand that another NOT do something.
Author Taeyang Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 That is true Confusedalways, and that is why i have this dilemma, because it's something i would break up with him for, but i also like him so much, and i dont think i have the right to tell him to stop. I would love to talk to him about it, but we have had a problem when it comes to discussions. We don't have them often, but when they happen, he gets so defensive, and he can never put himself in my shoes. So this makes it harder for me to know how to deal with it.
utterer of lies Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 What should I do? I don't want to break up over something like this, but, I mean should i talk to him and tell him i wont see him anymore if he keeps doing it? Tell him he knows how i feel about it and he knows what to do? Or is a dealbreaker just something you should just not tolerate? Please help! It's very simple. You know him as he is. The spice is something he does when you are not present and that doesn't affect your relationship except in your mind. If this is such a big issue for you, you should break up, because if something like this is more important than your relationship, the relationship is doomed anyway.
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