monte0439 Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 I'll try to make this quick (yea right). My older brother has had a friend for the past 2 years. We'll call her Joan. Since her family does not live in the area he would make sure to invite her to our families house for all major holidays which is when I first met her. The two of them go to happy hour weekly, talk a few times a week, bicker at each other etc. My brother would often mention that they were just friends and he tried but there just wasn't a click between them romantically. He even suggested that I take her out and even made the same comment to her. I never thought much about her until the three of us started to hang out last October. She would flirt with me in a subtle way and I could just feel her looking at me. Suddenly I realized this was someone I had feelings for. So one night after the three us were out I walked her to her car. I don't know what came over me but I kissed her long and hard. She definitely kissed me back! A couple of days later she called and asked if I wanted to go to a movie. Not long after that we were talking on the phone every night. Every weekend was an assumed date. I knew our relationship was changing and I called my brother to make sure he was totally OK with me dating his friend and to make sure he didn't have any objections. He said he had no feelings for her and basically said good luck to me. After about 2 months of spending allot of time with her and talking with her all the time I asked her if she was interested in taking our relationship to one where we were only dating each other. I told her that if she was not interested in taking it to a different level then we should back off a bit and not talk every single night. She said she would have to think about. That next week was just like any other week. She would call me one night, I would call her the next, the weekend was another assumed date. This time the date ended with SERIOUS making out and touching session. I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she said yes. As she was leaving that night she turned to me and said "but I don't want to deal with your brother so you tell him". So the next day I told my brother but I don't think he believed me. After a few weeks went by my brother and I were at my mom and dad's house for dinner. My parents didn't know that I was now dating my brothers friend and naturally asked my brother how she was doing. He answered " I don't know - probably thinking about me". That obviously bothered me. When I got home I called Joan and told her what my brother said. I asked her if over the past weeks she had brought up the two of us in conversation to my brother. She said she had not. I explained to her that she needed to say SOMETHING to him to back me up. I told her I didn't think my brother believed me when I told him we were dating. She understood my point and said she would say something to him. After a week went by Joan and I were watching TV and I asked her if she had talked to my brother. She said that she hadn't and didn't feel she had to. She said what is up with her personal life is none of his business and that she had talked with other friends about it and they all felt she didn't have to bring it up to him as well. She was sincere about her feelings on the topic so I backed off. So another few weeks go by and I am having lunch with my brother. He mentions that he asked Joan how things were going between us and her response was "You'll have to ask your brother". Then in almost the same sentence he says that they were joking around at his house the other day and he jokingly asked if he could grab her ass and she said he could. When he grabbed it he said she was surprised and that she didn't really want him to do that. My brother finished the tale by telling me "so I hope you don't mind that I grabbed your girlfriends ass!" I told Joan what my brother had told me and she agreed that it did happen and that it was a joke that got out of hand. She then said that she now agrees that she has to bring our relationship up to my brother. I told her I didn't feel she herself was taking our relationship seriously but she insisted she did. What do any of you think about this. Seems like pretty odd behavior to me!!
faux Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 I think it could help the situation if your girlfriend spoke to your brother. Perhaps you should also explain how uncomfortable the ass grabbing makes you feel, even if it was a joke, and that you would not want it to happen again. Furthermore, maybe your girlfriend does not understand how, or why, it is important to you for her to confront your older brother with the fact that she is dating you. I think it is very good that you are telling her how you feel, but perhaps explaining why may help clear up some more misunderstandings.
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