WifeCheatedOnMe Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 For those of you who don't know me: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=214622 Took me a year to wake up and heed the good advice given to me here. In any case, for those that have been in my shoes, how do you cope when your ex-WS introduces your children into their life with the OM/OW. My little one has mentioned him by name a few times now so I know that he's now coming to her home (our once marital home) and interacting with my kid. It's gut wrenching and hurts tremendously. My little one was talking to his friend the other day and mentioned how he had two daddy's now. The ex and I sat down with him and explained that this was not the case that he only has one daddy now and always, but he obviously picked this thought up somewhere. It just hurts....to lose your ex is one thing, but to have the OM/OW involved with your kids is a whole 'nother level of hurt that I wasn't prepared to deal with.
Spark1111 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I cannot imagine the pain of this! However, children always know who their father/mother is! Those are the two most powerful realtionships in all of our lives, and in your child's life too. Be the best man you can be for your child, and try to find a grain of gratitude in your heart if this man treats them with kindness and respect. Always be there for your child and show him what a man of grace and dignity acts like through times of difficulty and change. Remember, it is not what you say, but what you do that says it all to your child. Exhale, and take one day at a time with this. Do not allow this situation to drive you away from your children as it so often does. You are the ONLY father they will ever have. Please do not forget that and do the best you can.
Distant78 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Just take care of your children and don't speak to the ex or be around her unless it's got something to do with them.
Rose1977 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I am so sorry you are going through this. I have a seven year old son and I cannot imagine the pain this is outting you through. I don't know if the following example I have will help, but maybe it will give you some insight on how things can and usually do work out for the best. My bf's parents are divorced (they divorced when he was about 5 as a result of an affair on dad's part). Dad did marry the OW and they are still together. Mom got remarried, but was devastated (still is, as she had been friends and neighbors with the OW). My bf only saw dad on the weekends - it was his stepdad who was there for the regular stuff - homework, doctors appointments, staying up all night with him when he was sick, teaching him how to drive, etc....... My bf is now 34. He is close with and loves both sets of parents. But there has never been a doubt in his head about who was there when he needed someone. Don't get me wrong, his dad was far from a deadbeat, but he knows stepdad did more of the fatherly things than real dad did. With that said, NO ONE that knows my BF's mother doesn't admire her for the dignity with which she carried herself through it all. Hell, the dignity she still carries herself with. The way it has been described to me, she never cried in public, never let anyone see her down. The few times we have discussed it were very brief, but she said she hated every second of letting my BF go to his dad's and the OW's house BUT that she knew she had to do it, and that she really had no reason not to let him go, as she had been friends with the OW, knew her personality, and knew that she would be excellent to children. Also, just for the record, my BF calls both men dad, but only one mom. His real mother. Not sure if that's the norm. When we have to get birthday cards for stepmom, he won't even buy one that says mom, and they don't really make one for stepmothers, so he buys a generic one. Kids do know who treats them the best. I am so sorry for your pain.
drifter777 Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Just hang in there - you've already made the right decision in leaving and now you and your kids have to adjust to your new life. Continue to be their Dad and help them understand that a change in where you sleep doesn't change your love and dedication for them. Keep up the good work...
bentnotbroken Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I am so sorry you are going through this. I must admit this was a fear of mine too, though my children are older. I pray for your strength. Continue to be the best dad that you can and live honorably. Your child will know that you love them enough to do your best.
Memphis Raines Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 WCOM, I understand your pain all too well. As far as your children now being involved in the life of the guy that was backdooring your x-wife, nothing you can do about it unless he can be proven to be a danger to them. As long as your kids are negatively affected, all you can do is love your children and enjoy your time with them. trust me, I understand where you are coming from. I'm in the same boat. it sucks, I know. Its not fair to be cheated on, have the wife get custody, and now the OM gets to be around your kids every day, where you get to play weekend dad. Thats the way a betrayed man gets treated. not enough to be cheated on, you get to lose your kids to the cheating wife and OM. So just make the most of your time with your kids. Now if OM ever lays a hand on your kids, contact the authorities immediately. Just make sure, without naming names, that your kids know you will protect them if anyone tries to harm them.
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