moe319 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 My husband and I will be celebrating our two year wedding anniversary this July. We have talked on and off about having children with the attitude of if it happens it happens. I am still using Birth Control so I am not really seeing how it can just happen. I go back and forth about wanting kids now, wanting them later or not at all. I am very comfortable with our busy life and I feel selfish because I dont want a baby to take away from my life. I also feel like we will never have enough for a baby (keep in mind we own our own home, farm and both have outside jobs) so I know there are people with less than us that are raising babies just fine. To say I am scared and have anxiety over this is an understatement! Again, I go back to I dont want to take away from my life. My friend tells me to relax, I am young and dont have to worry too much about this right now. I would prefer to have my first baby prior to being 30 (really the goal was 25, but that has come and gone!) I have also thought about going back to the whole if it happens it happens idea that we have but in order for it to happen I would need to stop taking BC which in my mind sounds like planning to have kids and I get filled with anxiety. I go in this crazy circle and I just dont know what to do. I am fairly certain that my body is telling me that I want to have babies because around the time of ovulation I get all emotional about wanting kids. Maybe I should listen to my body?! Ugh so many questions! I really need to just talk about this and get my anxiety out. I hope that this forum will help me to understand all these feelings and my body changes since my husband sure doesnt. Thanks!
Duckduckgoose Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Wow I am going through the same feelings you are! I would like them later if ever, and would prefer to adopt, or maybe take care of relative's kids if they can't do it. I am 27 now, so I know that by the time I get married (again) and settled down it will probably be too late to have a healthy bio kid without a lot of problems and possible down syndrome. I am pro-choice but I really really don't want to have an abortion. I feel bad when I hit an animal on the road... let alone aborting a child... I guess for me it would really depend on the man I am married to. If he is on the fence as well then we probably won't have kids. If he is very gung ho for wanting a family I would probably avoid him... that kind of fellow deserves a gung ho woman that loves kids as much as he does. I really think adoption later in life would be nice. If I got pregnant and was married, there would be some serious soul searching...if not married well abortion it would be... I am not promiscuous though and the pill and condoms are mandatory for sexy time with me.
sb129 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 If you don't feel ready, then there is no pressure. Your body can't rationalise things the way your head can! While I wouldn't say I was 100% "ready" when I had my daughter (I don't think you are ever truly ready for the change of having children, I was definitely sure it was something I wanted to do with my husband. Also, I was 32 (technically I was 31 but my birthday is the week after hers) when I had my daughter and she is fine, many of my friends the same age had their first children at the same age and all of them are fine. You do sound as if you have got the right situation going on- you are in a loving stable relationship and you sound reasonably secure money wise. Having children is an amazing experience, but its also expensive, tiring and requires you to make sacrifices so I am glad that I waited till my early 30s because I think I found some of those things easier than I would have if I was still in my mid to late 20s.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 SB makes a good point, even though her feet stink
sb129 Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 SB makes a good point, even though her feet stink I don't get it DDG. Baby brain- thats another reason to delay things. It doesn't go away either.
threebyfate Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Having our son has been the most amazing experience. You learn that your capacity for love and desire to nurture and protect someone knows no bounds. As far as physical changes to your body, there are some but at least for the first child, your body will snap back as long as you start with a healthy body, continue to maintain a healthy lifestyle throughout your pregnance and afterwards, work your arse off to get back into shape. As far as feeling selfish about not having children, that's silly. If you don't want children, don't have them and feel no guilt. There are more than enough children on this planet.
Author moe319 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 I am 27 now, so I know that by the time I get married (again) and settled down it will probably be too late to have a healthy bio kid without a lot of problems and possible down syndrome. DDG - I am sorry to say that is a very loaded statement. Yes there is an increase in developmental disabilities when a person waits until they are older to have children, but that is not saying that all children come out like that. I have to say that there is nothing wrong with people that have down syndrome. I work with that population daily and the two DS clients I have are the nicest people ever. But that is a whole different topic As far as physical changes to your body, there are some but at least for the first child, your body will snap back as long as you start with a healthy body, continue to maintain a healthy lifestyle throughout your pregnance and afterwards, work your arse off to get back into shape. As far as feeling selfish about not having children, that's silly. If you don't want children, don't have them and feel no guilt. There are more than enough children on this planet. TBF - I have already stated that I wanted to get down to my ideal weight prior to becoming pregnant. I have already lost 15 pounds and I have 15 more to go! I dont feel selfish about not having children, I feel selfish because I like my life the way it is and I dont want my life to change because of kids. I think that has more to do with all the things you hear about how having children changes you. Maybe it is my way of making an excuse! I feel like I am over analyzing the whole thing! I do feel better that I have opened up about everything I am feeling it has actually helped me. Still not sure on what the future will hold!
sb129 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 My life was pretty good before our daughter came along, and it did change, but actually because of the stage of life we were at, it changed for the better. We still have a great social life and time to ourselves, it just needs to be juggled around a bit more.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I don't get it DDG. I was just being silly You don't have stinky feet ever? Not even after a long day and tight shoes?
sb129 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 I was just being silly You don't have stinky feet ever? Not even after a long day and tight shoes? No. But my husbands feet smell enough for both of us.
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