Xewkija Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I'm were not too sure where to post this question so I chose this category 1)I feel like this is a repeat but it's the opposite. In our 5 year relationship I wanted to take a break from her (when we were together for 2 years) and so we did because of school and work and I felt like I didnt have time for her. Without me really knowing I ended up going out with this other girl who she knew and she got so upset/depressed/angry at me and I don't blame her for it. This lasted 2 months but she also did things with other guy(s) but I didnt hold her against it unless she brought it up in the future. For some reason after those two months she trusted me even more and loved me even more but my trust for her went down. NOW she's the one taking the break from me mainly because I wasn't giving her any space but it's kind of hard to give someone space when that's the only person you have been around for 5 years and that I wasn't trusting her and that I was insecure. I'll admit at times I didn't trust her when she got drunk with her friends and I had this gut feeling she had some feelings for this new guy at her new job. So I'm wondering and I'm not getting my hopes up; but maybe she will go out with this guy and make her relies how much she loves me cause I know she loves me a lot and maybe I will have the same effect as she did and my trust for her will go up as well. At the time I did ask for that break and was with that girl for 2 months I ended it and went back to my girl and were good until now. What do you guys think about this? I'm doing no contact right now and I'm debating on removing her from facebook but ever since that facebook status went to "single" other girls have commented me and maybe it will make her miss me even more. I love her. I miss her. I want her. 2) Does this song have any meaning to a dumpee? The girlfriend wanted a "break" so I guess that makes me the dumpee... lol It's Red Hot Chili Peppers and here are the lyrics They come from every state to find Some dreams were ment to be declined tell the man what you had in mind What have you come to do no turning water into wine no learning while your in the line i'll take you to the broken sign you see these lights are blue Come and get it lost in the city limit say goodbye cause they'll find a way to trim it everybody looking for a silly gimmick got get away cant take it for another minute This town is made of many things just look at what the current brings so hot its only promising this place was made on you Tell me baby whats your story where you come from and where you wanna go next time tell me lover are you lonely the thing we need is never all that hard to find tell me baby whats your story where do you come from and where you wanna go next time your so lovely are you lonely i given up on the innocence you left behind Some claim to have a fortitude Too shrewd to flow the interlude Sustaining pain to set the mood step out to be renewed I'll move you like a baritone jungle brothers on the microphone getting over with an undertone it's time to turn to stone chitty chitty baby when your nose is in the nitty gritty life can be a little sweet but life can be a little ****ty what a pity Boston and a Kansas City looking for a hundred but you ever find a fitty three fingers in the honeycomb you ring just like a xylophone devoted to the chromosome the day that you left home Tell me baby whats your story where you come from and where you wanna go next time tell me lover are you lonely the thing we need is never all that hard to find tell me baby whats your story where do you come from and where you wanna go next time your so lovely are you lonely i given up on the innocence you left behind She had it up on her facebook and I don't know what to make of it I'm not good when it comes to lyrics. I wasn't sure if it was towards me, maybe she misses me, maybe it's towards another guy, I don't know. I Love This Forum.
bluebirdsfly Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 (edited) ...because of school and work and I felt like I didnt have time for her. Without me really knowing I ended up going out with this other girl who she knew and she got so upset/depressed/angry at me and I don't blame her for it. This lasted 2 months but she also did things with other guy(s) but I didnt hold her against it unless she brought it up in the future. For some reason after those two months she trusted me even more and loved me even more but my trust for her went down. Well, you two have some unresolved problems. And you are not facing it as you should, that's why it's not working out now, and probably won't in the future, unless you are absolutely honest with yourself. If the first break was truly because of tight schedule, then you wouldn't have time for another girl either. You two didn't solve the problem in the first place and you have worsened the situation by going out with another girl. Whatever she acted after that, she will have trust issue with you. Because you requested the break, and in her eyes, you took the break in order to date another girl. Just like you put it it yourself "I didnt hold her against it unless she brought it up in the future", but "my trust for her went down", which means in your heart, you have been holding it against her all along. So just in imagine in her shoes, she has some justified reasons to distrust you. So right now, do some serious reflection on yourself and the relationship. Ask yourself the real reason why you took the break in the first place. Stop finding excuses for yourself or blame her or any environmental factors. The solution won't come until you find out the real problems and it requires great courage. Maybe when you are brave enough to face the real issues in the relationship, you wouldn't want to save it anymore. Most relationships ends at the first break/breakup, especially it was you who initiated the first one. Trust you gut feelings. Be Brave! Edited January 29, 2011 by bluebirdsfly
dreamingoftigers Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I found that once a "break" occurs and in your case trust really should have been lost on her end, not yours, that it does some deep-seated damage to the woman in the relationship. Really I have trouble understanding why men don't get this. If you toss a woman a way for a time over "work" or "studies" or "not enough time" then why why should she want to return to any kind of relationship with you? Often women do because they have built a history with you and don't ever want to make it all for nothing, often women have a deep emotional and sexual bond with you that seems irreplaceable. Relationships that are healthy tend to pull through thick and thin and having a lack of time for each other while certain projects need to be done. Relationships shouldn't be that back-burner thing while there is time for the recreational element of them. If you are willing to temporarily or permanently toss her over that, expect it to cause resentment. Also expect it to give license. You did it, now so can she. My guess is that after 3 more years together, she has either taken license to get her own special projects done whereas she normally wouldn't have. Something tells me she is in general pretty trustworthy and that your concern shouldn't be "guy at work" as much as it should be making sure that she feels appreciated.
bluebirdsfly Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 I found that once a "break" occurs and in your case trust really should have been lost on her end, not yours, that it does some deep-seated damage to the woman in the relationship. ...Often women do because they have built a history with you and don't ever want to make it all for nothing, often women have a deep emotional and sexual bond with you that seems irreplaceable. I agree. If on your side, you have been holding against her seeing other people during the break you initiated, imagine what she has been thinking about your behaviors during the break. You need to ask yourself the real reasons of the first break. If you are not that into her, please let her go.
Author Xewkija Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Thank you all for the replys however would you guys have any advice to the song? My guess is that after 3 more years together, she has either taken license to get her own special projects done whereas she normally wouldn't have. Something tells me she is in general pretty trustworthy and that your concern shouldn't be "guy at work" as much as it should be making sure that she feels appreciated. Your right. I wish someone could have put this into my head. I should of made her felt more appreciated and not have suffocated her. It's just hard when she's the only person you really hang out with and then she gets a job and she's working a lot. Separation anxiety may be the case for me. I hate what's going thru me right now and that's the butterflies. Just thinking of her and I'm getting them. You need to ask yourself the real reasons of the first break. If you are not that into her, please let her go. The first break I really don't know why I really wanted I think I used the excuse of working and school to see if I really wanted to be with her and by taking that break it showed me that I did. I also must say that I am very much into her. I really want to be with her but I will give her the space she wants and needs and if she does go out with someone else I would hope she will relies that she loves me as much as I do to her, and if not then I have to find a way to move on and maybe sometime in the long run we will be together once again. Thank you
bluebirdsfly Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 The first break I really don't know why I really wanted I think I used the excuse of working and school to see if I really wanted to be with her and by taking that break it showed me that I did. Sounds like you were experiencing "Greener Grass Syndrome" and I'm glad you've found her to be the greenest. But by taking the break (and dating another girl), 1. The trust has been broken. 2. like the other poster said, you have given her an example/permission to do the same. After the first break, did you try to repair the trust damage? Or simply because she acted more affectionate, you just assume that things will get better on its own? It won't, and to make her trust you completely again, it takes great work. and then she gets a job and she's working a lot. Well, she's in a new phase of her life. And it is possible she's having "Greener Grass Syndrome" now, especially when the old issues have never been fully addressed, why not start something fresh and new. Well, if you ever get the second chance, please resolve the trust thing first. It's the foundation of any relationships. Best of lucks
Author Xewkija Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 We have talked about the trust and was sure we resolved it but I guess we really never did. For some reason I want her to try something new just like what I did to her and hopefully the same thing will happen and relies that I was the better green. The only difference between the two breaks is she was in the same state of mind as I am right now. Depressed, didn't do anything, sleep, ect.. BUT I always made sure she was still okay and made sure she wasn't going to hurt her self in anyway. I'm not going to hurt myself. However if we do get back together their has been plenty of advice that I will use to make sure we have a great relationship and securing and solving the trust issue will definitely be one of them. Thank you
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