baloo2 Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 This is long, but please bear with me! In the last two months I have realised I have a major thing for a colleague of mine and it's killing me. He's now acting like he doesn't care and I have to see him all the time which I can't handle as I'm emotionally fragile. It started off as a vague friendship, that he initiated a few months after I started the job. We'd talk online regularly and he would come and visit me in my office frequently. Anyway during one drunken online chat, he started hinting that he fancied me and I wasn't particularly interested but I still flirted, but trying to divert the conversation elsewhere. This went on for about three months, him expressing a physical attraction to me but never actually asking me out. He'd initiate all online conversations and now make excuses to come see me in the office. Eventually he wore me down and we had a reciprocal sexually explicit conversation. It got extremely hot. During this conversation he disappeared briefly to do something mundane and when he came back I challenged him as I could not believe he could disappear at such a critical juncture in the conversation, lol (for background he's always taken ages to reply to any questions in general online conversation even though he's initiated all of the previous chats). Anyway he seemingly got really annoyed with me for asking him where he'd gone etc, and kind of stopped talking to me after that. It was like he got what he wanted and then kind of decided he didn't want it after all. So he now stopped responding to any of my texts and emails! I challenged him later in person after feeling crap about this treatment (I kept wondering what I'd really done wrong) and he said he wasn't ignoring me and that he was really busy. During this time he was looking very flushed and looking at me strangely, picking things up off my desk and acting oddly. I also asked him about his attraction towards me, and he said "you... me.. yes" even though " I can't think about THAT right now" and he also said that he was in a really bad way ( he suffers from depression but has never addressed it properly). I also asked why he'd gone off me and he'd say that "I inferred things with no foundation" and when I told him " you don't like me" he'd just keep on saying "I didn't say that". It was basically like groundhog day; I felt like nothing would be achieved, no matter what I said. I really just wanted to go back to the way things were before, as we were friends. Then another time I spoke to him he started going on about "not being able to talk about feelings" and me assuming things when I didn't understand them, and that he didn't want to "disappoint anyone". Anyway, to this day he deliberately goes out of his way to avoid me in corridors, but still stares at me and looks shifty at times. It IS as though he is singling me out, deliberately making it known he is talking to others but not me. What do I do? Apart from trying to get this man out of my head? I panic at the thought of having to work on projects with him, but I have one this weekend and I just struggle to deal with him being present in my place of work.
GospolBlues Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 In short this guy sounds like a player and a jerk and is not the right guy for you.You need to start ingnoring him all together and move on,becouse he is just playing you for a fool and treating you like he doesnt know you. To put it bluntly "to hell with him" Life is to short to be wasted on that jerk,so turn the other cheek and smile about what good things are in your life and knowing that you deserve better then this.Good luck;)
DuskCrush Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Well---his behavior is strange but one thing is apparent--> dude's not interested at this point. Forget analyzing, forget trying to understand what you did wrong or why he is behavior oddly. Thing is --he didn't ask you out. Ever. Or expressed any clear interest in seeing you or having a relationship with you. Back off completely. Let him off the hook emotionally. It will help you not care. He doesn't owe you anything. He's not your boyfriend or even the guy you're seeing. I'm not trying to be mean--I'm just trying to be tough with you. Your mind is your own worst enemy right now. You just need tell yourself that whatever connection you had with his is Over, over..over. Deal with the situation at work by breathing and acting normal. After a little time you will actually be normal. Do not hope. Do not expect anything from him. Give up entirely and feel sad. The sadness will pass.
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